Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Support Group
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My mother passed away December 15th of fighting strongly with luekemia. I spent the last 20 months seeing my mother and father once a week, driving one he 15 minutes each way. I have cherished these times with my mom. The last 3 months became unbearable seeing her deteriorate. A couple days after her funeral I received a hateful and very hurtful email from one of my brothers saying he was sick of my carp and I had no patience with dealing with things about mom. I was in shock and so hurt I cried. All those times I spent with my parents helping them while having gruelling pain in my legs and fatigue. My family doesn't get it. I could have used a break sometimes but not one of my two brothers ever offered to stay with mom. They do have jobs, I get that, I'm on disability from my MS. I could not help my own condition, yes, I mentioned a few times my legs hurt. It killed me physically not to mention the huge emotional toll I was experiencing. Not once did they help me out. They have no commitments on the weekends, why couldn't they pitch in a time or two. Now I'm near collapsed, a total wreck, no time to go home and breath yet I get scolded for thinking only of myself. Then I get a return text from my sister in law scolding me that I focused to much on ME, who cares about "your" problems. I don't get it, my mom was the only one that understood my MS and now she's gone, my best friend and pal :( I told my sister in law about another chronic health issue I just got diagnosed with 3 weeks ago. I wasn't looking for sympathy just talking to her as we have done in the past. We, as a family agreed early on we'd act as we always have, try to keep things normal for mom. I guess I made a mistake in telling some of my family members. I had to explain, they were asking what's wrong and why I can only eat liquids or soft foods very minimal meat due to having Gastroparesis. I felt I sacrificed ALOT of time to spend with mom knowing she would die from it but never a thank you, only insults I was too negative. I understand Mom was the center of attention and should be. I never saw them offer to stay the night, me and my dad helping, lifting mom to her bedside potty. Up in the middle of night with her. I'm so hurt and angry. Seems nothing I did mattered, respected or acknowledged. You guys all know what stress does to me and over doing. I tried to tell them a couple of times, but it was like "suck it up" how should I handle this hard feeling now with my brother and his wife?
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Usually I get a daily influx of emails on health topics. An article from Dr. Mercola really stood out recently though because it mentioned that fat cells have their own mitochondria. Not only was this the first I'd heard of this, he also mentioned that fat serves a purpose in our metabolism. Another new factoid for me. The bottom line for me was to appreciate that even our fat cells play a...
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I just do not feel well and I really think that it's because I cried yesterday on my way to work about my Aunt who is in the hospital. I don't think that we will have her much longer. She is very frail. Now she needs help eating. So, this is the third time in a year that I felt this way after crying. I think crying releases toxins into my body. I also worked up a sweat at the gym...
If people are pricks they are pricks. Keep the people in your life that are decent to you and leave the others behind. Have been nice, been nice, been nice to people just to have them yell at me because their life has been shitty. You know what? At this stage of my life I am done being the toilet bowl. They do NOT have the right to crap on me and now I tell them so. I am also not being shit on by them any more either.
One option for you:
You could say, "I know I was the one that stayed with mom and did X, Y, Z. You were not there because it was YOU that was thinking of you and didn't come help. If you are feeling guilty about not being there for her now you do NOT have the right to take it out on me."
This might be one way to handle it but you will have to find your own way. Good luck finding an option that works for you. In the mean time, don't stress about people who didn't really care about you. Know that your mom is no longer suffering and she knows you love her...even still.
EP
So sorry for your loss. Your Mom has been blessed with a truly amazing and giving daughter.
As for rest of family try to give your self space away from them so that you & they can grieving in your own ways. Work out later if you want to say anything & what, depending on how they treat you moving forward. You will need to address it at some point but give yourself time if you can.
The good part is that your boyfriend sounds like is very caring & supportive of you. Spend time together if you can without others.
Take care of yourself. Sending you hugs.
Well, it did -- to your MOM. Does anything else really matter?
I don't know what's motivating your relatives: Guilt? Grief? Fear? Does it matter?
Be good to yourself, and let it go. You mentioned that you are proud of yourself -- that's what's important. Do you really need acknowledgment from people who were, for whatever reason, unable to step up? "How dare they put me down?" -- well, for whatever reason, they dared. However, they didn't succeed -- they can't put you down, since they never even tried to rise to your level.
If these people were "friends" there might be some point to, or even satisfaction in, setting them straight. But this is family...sometimes the best thing to do is just move forward and not look back.
My father died in the late 1990s and mother died in 2003 and it seems like yesterday. I miss them both so much and at least they believed I am for read sick whereas one of my brothers thinks I am faking having MS! How the hell does someone "fake" having MS exactly?
I have give up on what is left of my family being said brother and his daughter are the only ones left and my oh my they are a greedy lot!
Best advice is to STAY AWAY from people that make you feel like a piece of crap as EPagain put it!
Sad to read about all of your troubles and know that there are people in the world that DO care about you and DO believe you.
Those that matter, don't mind.
Please, if your siblings are this demoralizing to you, seek guidance and compassion from a Counselor, friend or church member. We are always here for you as well. In the other posts, some have said don't pay countenance with them. Easier said than done!
Hope things go easier for you! Your Mother knew you were there, and your Dad knew and appreciated it. Know in your heart you are a good daughter and you are loved! Prayers for you my friend!
One day you will be re-united with her. I wonder which of our relatives will be in our heaven. Wonder how this is decided?