Would a family counselor or therapist be of any help? Just someone outside the family who can talk to your husband/ daughter on your behalf who could really impress upon them how serious things are and help them really get it and the realities? (How they need to help etc) Maybe if they hear it from an outside perspective it might sink in?

I have thought about a counselor, but I haven't acted upon it. I have though had my neurologist whom specializes in MS talk to my husband and daughter about things that I need help with. They do somewhat help afterwards, but it doesn't last very long. I wonder at times if they both are still in denial... Even though it has been over 5 years..

When I was young, my parents tied my allowance to chores. Could you possibly do that or do they get an allowance? Of course when I was young, there were no cell phones so that was not an option. But TV privileges were.

But I was always interested in getting my allowance, so I did the chores. Can you put up a chart of lists of chores for each person?

You have my sympathies for all that you do with 3 children.

What about taking your husband in with you to the neuro doc? Anyone stressing the importance of getting help would help.

Thoughts are with you.

Denial- you may have hit it on the head there. They might be having those lapses of, "hey maybe it's temporary, like a flu...Mom will be back to her old self in no time" (or are purposefully ignoring it thinking it'll magically go away) to keep the status quo because they need to. Self protection? Who knows.

I kind of wonder if my own husband was going through his own version of that for awhile when I was first dx'd earlier this yr.. For awhile, I'd been the main breadwinner so he could follow his heart and leave a higher paying corporate gig to become a low paying teacher. Stress was all on me... But then the symptoms started, & I got my dx, and now I really need to cut back and he needs to take back over. financially, which means finding a better paying gig. Took awhile before he really "got" that I reeeeally was sick and couldn't keep up the pace I was maintaining before. (I think at first he thought I was asking him to "give up his dream" just so i could live a life of leisure and not work anymore. Talk about denial!!!) He finally got it and is now looking around. We shall see!

I don't know what the right answers are, but if you are open to it, maybe speak with a therapist/counselor just for yourself....perhaps they could counsel you on how to communicate w your family (and of course, refer you to a family therapist if you want to go that route). I see a therapist myself, and she has been such a terrific resource and support in helping me navigate this MS mess, including how to communicate, etc.

In any case, sending good thoughts and best of luck! :)

Thanks everybody! Today I'm going to look for my daughter's old Smeylin newsletters which are for kids and see if I can find one about helping around the house. If not, I plan on making one myself for my younger kids. I'll be with my husband all day tomorrow,so I'll talk to him about seeing a family counselor. I have seen a counselor myself,but it's hard to relate with someone that doesn't fully understand how you physically feel. That's just my past experience.
As for the kids and allowances, I have done that many times and by the middle of the week, they don't seem to care anymore. I've also many charts for them with happy faces, stickers, prize box, etc and they again stop in the middle of the week. My oldest does have a cell phone and I do take it away from her, but then she gets back in the same routine as what she was in. So basically I have her phone most of the time... I think I'm out of ideas at the point.... Oh my husband does go with me to every appointment I have with any doctor, still doesn't help. :(
Again thanks!

Good luck! I have a 13 year old moody adolescent and an energetic 5 year old. I can only manage to get my eldest to help with cleaning if we work together on it (a 2 hour chunk of time on a Sunday morning) and the younger one is easier to motivate to doing isolated bits and pieces. (Can you get that for me? THANK YOU SO MUCH, WHAT A BIG BOY! With lots of praise. . .) and I guilt them by making lots of frustrated sounds while starting to do something myself after having 'given up' on them helping, so they often take over. But yes, a real pain!

I'm a bit ambivilant about kids and housework. Mine only helped when their father roared at them, and now as adults, their homes are a credit to them.
My partners children were mostly raised in a single parent household. He had no time for housework - work and childcare took up all his time. One of his children (now both adults) is an absolute slob, the other's home is spotless....

Two young men I met recently had a working mum who wasn't at all well. She had a regular Sunday morning housework regime which the boys followed. They called it 'Sunday Sacrifice'!

My own mother (with five children) never asked us to help with the housework even though she worked full time. Consequently when I left home I couldn't cook but I knew what a tidy house looked like!!!!

My sister had a roster for basic chores, like washing up and everyone (including her and husband ) were on the list. Equality meant no complaints of unfairness.

So... I do think it's important for Kids to be kids, but they may benefit from a routine. I don't think that paying kids for chores is a great idea. Why should we be rewarded for doing the right thing? To me, a reward for doing the right thing would be given time off doing chores for a day or a week!

So this afternoon, I asked my 12 year old to do a couple things for me. When I got home a few minutes later she had only done one thing and that was half way done. So I made her do the rest or her phone would be taken away. So therefore she did it. Later on, I reminder her to unload the dish washer (a daily chore) and she had an attitude about it. So I went with my gut and reminded her that I have MS and reminded her of all my symptoms and troubles I have been going through lately. And that I really need her help and I need her to set a good example to her younger siblings. I also reminded her of the things I allow her to do because she is older than them. She immediately did the task and went on her way. No arguing or anything. Once my husband got home right after that he asked what was wrong and I told him again that I needed everyone to help around the house due to me having a hard time with my MS. He agreed and once again promised to help. I guess I'll see where it goes from here... I've decided that I may hide to many of my problems from them. I don't plan on complaining all the time,but when it gets bad like it has been for the last 3 weeks, I'm going to speak up. I guess I just try to hide it from them too much...
Thanks everybody!

A chore list put on the fridge works great. The kids have to mark off when they have finished with the task. Your little ones can collect laundry, dust, vacuum, unload dishwasher. Parents are afraid of upsetting there children which I have no idea why we all would have not been allowed to break rules or be grounded, spanked, sent to bed early and etc.

It's good to give our kids a good work ethic. You can reward or take privileges away whichever works best for you. Your husband has to back you up and help out to to make it work.

I think every parent has this problem. Healthy or unhealthy. My family goes through this on a regular basis. I am ashamed to say that it takes several fit throwing for them to start to help. My husband will help with the laundry and my daughter helps me around the house. Some days it may take a screaming match but most days my daughter just helps without asking. She is almost 18 years old and she understands better. My step-son is sometimes clueless. He does not help too much. My husband tells the kids to help me more than I ask for help. It will help when your husband gets on the same page as you. It will make it a lot easier to handle.

To me it was easier with a chart but my husband says that the kids are too old to have a chart. That they know what they have to do but when they saw the chart, they remembered to do it. Like I said it will be easier to handle when you and your husband are on the same page.

Good luck! If you figure it out, let us know.

I'm not the one with the MS, it's my boyfriend and I can see the strain that it takes on us sometimes. I see that it sometimes takes longer for him to do things I would like to get done quicker.. and that to avoid "running late" places I have to pre-think the plans for the day.

Sometimes, at least for me, it's not the lack of wanting to understand and be supportive as it is an inner battle. one side of your brain is thinking "if I do too much, too often, will they think I find them uncapable, am I stealing something from them because I am no longer allowing them to do it on their own?" While another side is saying "I should do this that and the other, because they aren't feeling well." which makes us wonder are we "pittying you" or truly just being supportive.

Trying all the while to not let resentments build up because now.. we have no just become husbands, wives, partners, kids or parents but caretakers.. and now some things we enjoy doing or did enjoy also have to take a backseat to how the other person is feeling.

Just and outsiders point of view. :)

I am in the same situation you r. My 2 kids are; son:14 & daughter 11.
My husband helps a great deal around the house, and my son does a good amount. My daughter does basically nothing. We have taken away her laptop, IPod, cell phone and have not taken her clothing shopping. Nothing seems to phase her.

We are not going to hire a counselor or therapist that will end up coasting us time and money.

I have boys and I have to say they have been pretty compassionate. They will do the chores when I tell them to. If they don't get their laundry to the laundry room........ it doesn't get done. They have gone to school in dirty clothes a couple of times, but now have learned if they want clean clothes, they better get them down there. I will quit and let the house get messy until the rest of them realize what needs to be done.... sometimes it takes a week, and there are no clean dishes in the cupboard, but they finally learn for themselves to get the dishes in the dishwasher and how to run a cycle. I've made it so it's not an "option" to help mom out. Slowly, but surely, they are learning. :)