Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Support Group
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It started two nights ago.
I need to vent and need words of inspiration from my DS friends.
My 19 year old son, who is unemployed and doing nothing with his life except for gaming, became irrational. My husband and he went head to head, lots of cussing and tosterone floating around the house, and almost to a physical point. Then come yesterday, my daughter started aggrivating him by locking him out of the house. Then the problems started. My son, pissed off that his sister locked the door on him, kicked in our front door (a $2000 door!), and broke the frame. Now the door doesn't lock! I went off on him,. then his father came home and went off on him again. Things got out of control once again and the two of them got physical. My son, who was smoking a cigarette in my office, started putting his ashes on one of my printer stands, not in an ashtray. This again started the physical argument between my husband and him. Horrible, horrible words were said to each other. My son left the office and started cutting himself. I cut off his cell phone, then I took it away some time later, (IPhone - it has internet even while turned off from the phone company). He got so upset about me taking his phone, he chased me around the house trying to get his phone from me, also fighting me on the stairs, which I can hardly walk down anyway. Then, when I wouldn't give it back, he took a large kitchen knife to his wrist and told me if I didn't give it back he was going to slit his wrist. Well, I didn't give it back. One thing led to another, and he didn't actually slit his wrist, but he did cut himself again. This time I called the police. The whole time I was on the phone with the dispatcher, he tried to climb out his window and jump out of the house (2nd story). The police finally came, and I warned them that he had a knife, that is when the guns came out. It took several cars of cops to get him, but they managed to distract him in the window to pull him back in and cuff him. They took him to the nearst hospital. He has been transfered to a mental hospital this morning. To make my feelings worse, and I feel guilty about this, I'm totally embarassed as every neighbor came out to see what was going on at the Hoppel household. I shouldn't feel this way but I do. Like everybody knows my business now, and it's bad business.
My issue is since all of this has started, I began a flare quickly. I'm so miserable, in significant pain and I can hardly walk. My tremors are worse then normal, and I feel myself going down. I have anxieties that leave me shakey and nervous. I don't know what to do.
I hope that my DS friends can offer words of comfort in this hard time for me. I don't know where to turn.
I need to vent and need words of inspiration from my DS friends.
My 19 year old son, who is unemployed and doing nothing with his life except for gaming, became irrational. My husband and he went head to head, lots of cussing and tosterone floating around the house, and almost to a physical point. Then come yesterday, my daughter started aggrivating him by locking him out of the house. Then the problems started. My son, pissed off that his sister locked the door on him, kicked in our front door (a $2000 door!), and broke the frame. Now the door doesn't lock! I went off on him,. then his father came home and went off on him again. Things got out of control once again and the two of them got physical. My son, who was smoking a cigarette in my office, started putting his ashes on one of my printer stands, not in an ashtray. This again started the physical argument between my husband and him. Horrible, horrible words were said to each other. My son left the office and started cutting himself. I cut off his cell phone, then I took it away some time later, (IPhone - it has internet even while turned off from the phone company). He got so upset about me taking his phone, he chased me around the house trying to get his phone from me, also fighting me on the stairs, which I can hardly walk down anyway. Then, when I wouldn't give it back, he took a large kitchen knife to his wrist and told me if I didn't give it back he was going to slit his wrist. Well, I didn't give it back. One thing led to another, and he didn't actually slit his wrist, but he did cut himself again. This time I called the police. The whole time I was on the phone with the dispatcher, he tried to climb out his window and jump out of the house (2nd story). The police finally came, and I warned them that he had a knife, that is when the guns came out. It took several cars of cops to get him, but they managed to distract him in the window to pull him back in and cuff him. They took him to the nearst hospital. He has been transfered to a mental hospital this morning. To make my feelings worse, and I feel guilty about this, I'm totally embarassed as every neighbor came out to see what was going on at the Hoppel household. I shouldn't feel this way but I do. Like everybody knows my business now, and it's bad business.
My issue is since all of this has started, I began a flare quickly. I'm so miserable, in significant pain and I can hardly walk. My tremors are worse then normal, and I feel myself going down. I have anxieties that leave me shakey and nervous. I don't know what to do.
I hope that my DS friends can offer words of comfort in this hard time for me. I don't know where to turn.
I am sorry that you are going through this along with your own MS issues. Life sucks sometimes. But I hope soon that this situation will resolve.
Thanks for sharing with us. You have helped some of us who are going through this sort of thing and are not posting.
Again, we are with you in spirit.
A BIG HUG to you!!
I know what its like to have mental stress affect my physical problems.
i hope your pain and flare get under control here soon.
i don't have much words of wisdom i just wanted to let you know your not alone and hugs
Same thing happened to me with our son at age 17. We ultimately had to go through involuntary commitment proceedings. The Sheriff came out to our house in three cars and hauled him away in handcuffs, a real neighborhood gossip story we never heard about. Our laws here are so screwy the powers that be wouldn't even tell us where they were taking him but they had no trouble sending us a bill for over $10,000.00. Insurance has a $2,000.00 yearly cap with a $10,000.00 lifetime cap. Oh, there are no provisions in Obama Care for mental health.
Long, traumatic story short, he was diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder and started on meds for same. Helped a lot. He still, at times doesn't think he needs the meds but does understand he has to take them.
After this episode, he has learned he cannot be the boss, all of us have rules we have to live by, and there are proper ways to change the rules. In our little house, discussions rather than yelling might get the rules changed but no guarantees. He can always set up his own house with its responsibilities and move in and set his own household rules.
Big thing is you can be sorry for him but not sorry in an apologetic way. You didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes mothers, when it involves grown kids that are still their 'youngens' get all slobbery trying to make things better like when the kids are 5 or 6. With a 19 year old male, it comes across as they have won.
Also do some research on HIPPA laws, guardianship and the like. Social Services is some help but they don't like to tell you much that you can't read for yourself. By the time our son past 18, the fighting was pretty much over. Three hots and a cot were more important than who was boss. They are considered adults at 18. Guardianship carries a lot of legally potential problems we chose not to undertake. HIPPA laws can be waived by signing a form at the doctors office. Our problem now is our son, as long as he is taking his meds, is fully capable of making it on his own. My wife is still stuck in the slobber stage.
Stress is always hard on us MSer's. Makes all of my symptoms much worse. If you can try to do some relaxing things, meditation, listen to uplifting music, watch your favorite movie.. anything to help you de-stress. Try and realize that it's beyond your control and that there are other people now in charge of things.
Don't worry about your neighbors, if any of them are smart in the slightest they will understand your son needed help and is now getting it. If they don't get that, then don't worry, it's your business, you owe them no explanations.
Hang in there!
I agree with MSInterrupted - don't worry about the neighbors. Good people will understand and the others.....will be what they will be.
Perhaps you and your husband could take a break and go away for a couple of days - no talking about son - just have fun.
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As for your neighbors...the ones that care and understand what life can be like with a 17 year old son, will offer love and assistance.
Family counseling might help you all deal with the situation. You are a good mom. As far as the neighbors go..if they are good friends they will try to give you a shoulder and try to help. The rest can go jump in the lake because we all have our own issues.
Biggest bear hugs to you during this rough patch,
EP
Sending you much love and peace....
Kristi
http://www.mindfulness-solution.com/
You can download meditations and it sounds like you could really use some anxiety relief. I hope things work out for you.