Didn't know what to title this & that seemed as good as any.
Are others looking forward to Christmas or not & dreading it?

I am finding each year that I am getting less & less interested in Christmas parties/get togethers etc. I didn't even go to the ms group Christmas lunch which I could have organised appt's different so I could have gone.
There is another one next Thursday morning so I will try to go to that.
I have declined works Christmas party (never go as its only a booze up), we have been invited to my sisters on christmas eve, we went last year & it is my sister & hubby, one daughter & her son & his father so a small group. Neither of us really want to go & no real reason.

I haven't written Christmas cards yet, forced myself to write a few today & didn't enjoy it - chore, past I always had them written before December hit & enjoyed getting them, now when we get one I'm like, dam I will have to start doing them soon. I am writing the basic in them & that's all, in the past I used to always write a note in them to people I haven't seen for a while or live interstate etc. It just feels like one more thing I have to do.

Is it because I am so busy with medical crap? Last week I had rheumatologist on Wednesday after work, pain clinic on Thursday (& they are changing my meds so I have to decrease & go off gabapentin before I can start endep). Pain is getting worse already & I have only decreased by 1 a day (take 4). This week I had Botox clinic on Monday & had 27 units around my eyes - to try to stop nerve movement & keep eyelid open. Had a shocking migraine today so didn't go to work & on Friday (supposed to work) I am having a shoulder dilation done (cortisone under ultrasound) at the local hospital. Arm will probably be sore for a few days. Still got foot in boot & got mri booked for 20 December & looks like wont see the foot surgeon till January. I am struggling to walk at all, have trouble with vision - got an appt with low vision clinic next Tuesday too.
Got no energy & dreading summer & the heat.

To make things worse we are scattering Dad's ashes at some park on Saturday so that is probably going to be a big family thing which I usually avoid. I don't get on with one of my sisters & don't ask me why but she turned her back on me last time I saw her so dread seeing her & her 3 sons who are stuck up.

I think everything is just getting to me & being in pain constantly & barely able to walk at all is probably causing it too.
I used to love Christmas, look forward to catching up with friends (cant be bothered) & going to a carols service or similar. This year no joy at all. It seems to be getting worse each year.

I have spent hours on the phone with different technicians trying to get chat to work. Got a new windows computer & it wont work on there either, all of them say 3rd party thing so they are not responsible (internet provider, computer service & the technician who came out) so can't even chat to people live anymore & miss that too.
I am having a real dummy spit & feeling sorry for myself arent I? Not usual for me but I am so tired of people being happy.

Hubby wants to go away for Christmas (in caravan) & we have his family Christmas on 18th, going to be real hard without his Mum there for 1st time. I can't get excited about going away or family lunch too which is usually good.

Anyway, I hope everyone else has a great Christmas & health stays good too.
Hugs