Getting really nervous about my appointment with my new neuro tomorrow. I've heard he is very smart and has great bedside manner. I've also heard that he's very aggressive in treating MS. I have two friends that went to him with "clinically isolated syndrome" (my current "diagnosis," if you want to call it that) and he started them on disease modifying drugs.

I've been to 2 neurologists already. The first one diagnosed me with MS 8 weeks ago, put it on my medical chart and everything. Then he handed me off to another neuro in his office because he was no longer sure it was MS, maybe a stroke? The other neuro took MS off of my chart and said that he wasn't sure either, maybe it was maybe it wasn't. Neither of them listened to my history though and I'm going to make sure the new neurologist does at tomorrow's appointment. I have a feeling that if either of the others had actually listened, MS would've stayed on my chart and I'd already be on a DMD.

As much as I want the diagnosis, I don't want it just as much, if not more. For the past couple of months these wishy washy neurologists have allowed me to hold onto the hope that the illness that has been plaguing me for more than 2 years is something fixable, something that is not MS. I have a feeling that tomorrow's appointment is going to take that hope away from me. I need a diagnosis. I need to start treating whatever it is but I'm scared to death to hear it. And I'm scared to death to make that decision. The decision to treat is a decision to accept it as fact and move forward.