Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
Well the trouble is with her personal life I guess.
But it really caused me trouble.
I have been seeing her for a year and a half. The last year has been twice a week.
A couple weeks ago the night before my appointment I received an email that she was cancelling all appointments for the week due to personal issues. And that she would be in touch about future appointments.
Immediately depression crushed me. My mind fogged over and I could not even think. I see her twice a week to maintain a modicum of sanity. Then to just so abruptly cancel. Some of the alters went into panic mode.
I drank a fifth of vodka over the next three days. Enough that a friend pulled me aside and said that I looked like someone who was drinking. I was.
Then that week goes by and BAM another email not taking appointments again for the week. At least I was expecting it.
Well during this two week period a lot of voices in my head. Some yelling that I should find a new therapist. We were betrayed. She is treating this as a hobby. She is not serious enough.
I was walking down the street one day and I could feel an alter taking over. One eyebrow furled up and I started talking out loud and it was all about how she blew it and we had to find a new therapist.
I don't know this alter. But clearly this one is not happy - The Angry One.
Then last night I received another email from her. She stated that she was taking appointment only three days in the next two week. She offered me this coming Monday and then the next week on Friday.
That's like appointments two weeks apart. I was seeing her twice a week and now she is offering every other week. WTF?
Last night the Angry One started in on me. "Get rid of her" "Fire Her" "Find a new therapist" and then yelling in my head. Just "AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa" just continuous yelling. And I tried to interject the time, a year and a half with her. More AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dang I was back and forth. Get rid of her - Keep her.
Today I tried to respond to her email and The Angry One started in again. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - Get rid of her.
The only thing that stopped the yelling was my agreement to "look" for a new therapist. I spent a couple hours on the Internet looking for someone that had trauma, PTSD, DID experience that also took my insurance.
I found one that fit. Then I was sick. I am sick to my stomach just typing this.
When I try to respond to her email I get anxiety and the yelling starts up again.
Dang this is sucking. Very much.
One of the littles really likes her. A lot and does not want to leave. But he has not really said a whole lot. I think he is really hurting and feeling betrayed.
Then there is me or the host or the ANP or whatever the normally out one is called. I have a thought process that things happen and she has to take care of some personal issues. We all have them and I can't fault her for taking care of them.
But we don't care.
We are hurting, feeling betrayed, let down. This is what always happens. People always let us down. There's always a reason.
Starting over with yet another Therapist. It took me over a year for her to realize I had DID. I have to tell all the "stuff" again.
The dad stuff, the party stuff, the other kids stuff, my sister stuff, my cousin stuff, Dad's friends he shared me with stuff. At some point telling the "stuff" really drags me down.
I am so nauseated.
But it really caused me trouble.
I have been seeing her for a year and a half. The last year has been twice a week.
A couple weeks ago the night before my appointment I received an email that she was cancelling all appointments for the week due to personal issues. And that she would be in touch about future appointments.
Immediately depression crushed me. My mind fogged over and I could not even think. I see her twice a week to maintain a modicum of sanity. Then to just so abruptly cancel. Some of the alters went into panic mode.
I drank a fifth of vodka over the next three days. Enough that a friend pulled me aside and said that I looked like someone who was drinking. I was.
Then that week goes by and BAM another email not taking appointments again for the week. At least I was expecting it.
Well during this two week period a lot of voices in my head. Some yelling that I should find a new therapist. We were betrayed. She is treating this as a hobby. She is not serious enough.
I was walking down the street one day and I could feel an alter taking over. One eyebrow furled up and I started talking out loud and it was all about how she blew it and we had to find a new therapist.
I don't know this alter. But clearly this one is not happy - The Angry One.
Then last night I received another email from her. She stated that she was taking appointment only three days in the next two week. She offered me this coming Monday and then the next week on Friday.
That's like appointments two weeks apart. I was seeing her twice a week and now she is offering every other week. WTF?
Last night the Angry One started in on me. "Get rid of her" "Fire Her" "Find a new therapist" and then yelling in my head. Just "AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa" just continuous yelling. And I tried to interject the time, a year and a half with her. More AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dang I was back and forth. Get rid of her - Keep her.
Today I tried to respond to her email and The Angry One started in again. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - Get rid of her.
The only thing that stopped the yelling was my agreement to "look" for a new therapist. I spent a couple hours on the Internet looking for someone that had trauma, PTSD, DID experience that also took my insurance.
I found one that fit. Then I was sick. I am sick to my stomach just typing this.
When I try to respond to her email I get anxiety and the yelling starts up again.
Dang this is sucking. Very much.
One of the littles really likes her. A lot and does not want to leave. But he has not really said a whole lot. I think he is really hurting and feeling betrayed.
Then there is me or the host or the ANP or whatever the normally out one is called. I have a thought process that things happen and she has to take care of some personal issues. We all have them and I can't fault her for taking care of them.
But we don't care.
We are hurting, feeling betrayed, let down. This is what always happens. People always let us down. There's always a reason.
Starting over with yet another Therapist. It took me over a year for her to realize I had DID. I have to tell all the "stuff" again.
The dad stuff, the party stuff, the other kids stuff, my sister stuff, my cousin stuff, Dad's friends he shared me with stuff. At some point telling the "stuff" really drags me down.
I am so nauseated.
I had a therapist and a back up therapist I liked. When the one therapist couldn't see me or was on vacation or whatever, I went to the back up therapist. I think when you feel you really need two meetings a week or you'll go over the edge, it's good to have that back up.
Another option to consider - would it be good to get some more intensive help until you feel a bit better. Maybe a day treatment program where you go every day for 30 days or something? They have a full staff there so they won't cancel on you.
Another option would be to have some back up friends who can be available if your therapist cancels.
My T would agree with Reed that letting her know is good. She would call that the grown up thing to do.
But Ficklefairy is how I feel.
Mamoth I have thought a few time about some more intensive therapy. I had a past T tell me I should be hospitalized.
Ugg, I am going to send her an email and maybe just copy and past this post into it. Just typing that and my stomach is churning again.
Thanks
I think you have every right to contact your therapist and let her know that her absences have negatively impacted you and that you need her to be a constant in your life if you are going to continue intense therapy with her.
I know it's hard to speak up like that, but you owe it to yourselves to have a voice
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this and I wish you the best....please keep us updated on your situation