Loum50... Please be safe, you matter to this group!

I don't have wisdom to share as I am drinking right now at a bar with a friend... wish you were here that way I could keep an eye on you and make sure you're safe.

Loum, I hope you're okay...
If nothing else, you could see if (a) your doc has free samples that can get you by, or (b) there's some community clinic to go to.

Thee is a frea clnc I could go to BT I no have wy t gt their. I can only gt smpl fr 2 of mdse I HV 20 MDS.

I'm alrahy cutng.

Hun, please call an ambulance on yourself. This is not good.

I tend to agree with hylierandom about calling in the ambulance. I know some medical systems really suck across the world but ultimately you need to remain safe. My prayers and positive thoughts are being sent your way.

Loum! What,s going on??

actually, we are obligated to report this and get an ambulance sent to you... But I,m in a hotel at a conference and can,t. So please call one on yourself and get help!! We don't want you to die or hurt yourself!!

Get help, and later, please let us know you're alright

Please loum, keep us posted on how you're doing.

Do you have a face to face support network? In my DBSA support group, there have been many times when members will drive someone to hospital who is going thru this kind of situation. Straight from the group to the hospital.
I feel powerless here because I can't do that for you.

Hi...I specifically logged in today to see if you're alive and doing ok. Worried.

I'm alive, but not doing OK. I have urges to cut some more. I am very depressed. The person in charge of my case for my long term disability case is supposed to call me tomorrow at 10 AM. For the past month he either not been available or not in the office and has not returned my phone calls. He sent me a letter that he had not received 8 items needed to make a decision on my case. I have sent 7 of them and they have received them. I checked with the customer service person. The only thing left is the report from my last hospital stay and as of Wednesday they were sent out by the hospital. The letter said they would make a decision on my case 30 days after they receive all the information. After they receive the hospital report it will take 48 hours before it is in their system. If they approve it I do not know when they will start paying.

I have been paying into this insurance for the past 15 years. I also have been approved for social security disability which starts in November.

This insurance has been burying me in paper work for the past 2 months and they do not tell me they need something more unless I call them.

I have had all I can take. If he calls me tomorrow I will see when they will start paying me. I do not expect him to call. If he does call he will probably tell me he needs something else or they will not start paying me for 30 days after they make a decision.

If they are not going to pay me till the end of September, I will not survive as I will have no insurance, no money, no medications, no transportation and I will be evicted. The have already sent me to eviction notices.

I would rather take something that will just put me to sleep forever and until I have an answer from the insurance I will probably keep self injuring. Last night I did some cutting with a dirty knife and I do not use antibiotics. Today I have been beating myself in the head with a number of objects and I get more depressed as night approaches.

I have been having nightmares of being sexually abused every night for the last week and a half.

I'm at the edge of the black hole.

:(

And what does the self injury accomplish? I don't know anything about your case but to keep self- injuring doesn't seem to me to be helpful. Cutting with a dirty knife to give yourself a nasty infection.. For what?

I don't understand.

At least then it won't be suicide. I have had MRSA twice. I lost my right leg and the toes on my left foot from infections. I can't stand the emotional pain and cutting helps for a little while. I don't want to kill myself, I just don't see any options.

You maybe don't see them, but there are better options.

Have you ever done the 12Steps? The first one is to admit things are out of control. The second one is to come to believe in a Higher Power that can straighten things out. The 3rd Step is the "let go of trying to control everything and trust God, so you only have to do your part, a Step at a time n a moment at a time . You only have to take things one moment, one step at a time. It ain't easy but it is doable.

Keep sharing loum, don't care what the words say, just keep sharing.

Your replies give me relief.
I'm here to go thru this with you.

I am a member of a 12 step program, but all this has triggered a major depression. I have had a major depression before and it took a long time to feel better. It was one of the worst things I experienced. I have a history of chronic depression, it's likely a chemical imbalance. I see my therapist tomorrow and I expect her to want me to go into the hospital, but I don't know if I will be willing.