i'm scared. so scared. 

the week before last I had an anxiety attack that lead to an almost mental break.

then two days ago.... i hallucinated. I've always seen moving shadows, especially at night, but never had a full on hallucination. I'm talking my face....tured into a living picasso painting. half of it just slid down, almost like it was melting. I also kept hearing people call my name even when no one had... I havn't had that happen in over a year. 

the only reason i didn't freak out was fiona was walking me through the whole thing, protecting me from the fear and reassuring me that what i was seeing wasn't real. 

I have bipolar, but hallucinations with that are very rare and usually only happen when Manic. 

i'm scared. 

I have a doctor who prescribes my pills, but he isn't theraputic. I can't afford to go back to therapy. 

If it happens again, i'll talk to him about it... 

I've also become aware via friends that I have gaps in memory. I have no recollection of a particularly important conversation or of certain actions. Fiona has never taken memories before... and again: i'm scared.