Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
OK I'm having a panic attack right now.
Its unfounded in some ways I know that.
Its really a feel of loss of control and fear. So okay....
Boy that helped!!!
My issue is well I have DID! I am habitually bad at various things because I "forget". I'm late on bills or student loans. I forget where I put important paperwork. I don't sign and submit things by their due dates.
And I'm lousy with doctors. Medical paperwork? Lost. Lab work? Forgotten. It is very frustrating and feels sabotaging, even in personal goals I want to reach, I have such a hard time staying on target or on a deadline.
Right now I'm uposet because I asked someone ... A person not in my system, an actual other human - to help me with some of this. You know, remind me of my doctors appointments, go with me, or help me stay on top of this kind of thing.
I just saw that I minorly screwed something up again, and became desperately angry and upset.
Upset at me for being this way. Angry at the fact I feel the need for assistance and help when other people can do stupid shit like remember to go to an appointment.
But also upset at my person, who never remembers to check on me. I need THIS person to help me, for a lot of reasons, but they have proven to be unreliable.
I am trying new systems but it feels like I am doing all the work to remind them to remind me to not forget!!! I am frustrated.
But I am trying to accept responsibility for my weaknesses and problems and still get the result I'm looking for without blaming this other poersoin, cause its not at all their responsibility.
F WORD!!!!
Just remembered that my person DID offer to help with an aspect of this tomorrow. In my panic I forgot this part
Ooops
Sux having swiss cheese brain!!!
I get panicky like that I guess because when something big and important comes into my life and I KNOW I have a deadline or whatever, I feel betrayed being a multi. I feel like ... like how could the other me.s just walk off and do their own thing when we know ythis needs to be taken cre of?
And then I realize that a lot of this condition holds fear for me. Because I can't TRUST.
people have talked about vulnerability on here recently. Its hard to be vulnerable when you can't really trust.
And its hard to trust when you are never really sure of even yourself.
Never sure you will actually eat when your body is hungry, or pay attention to that stop sign when you are driving, or remember to take your meds when you are supposed to, or pay the rent instead of go on a shopping spree.
How do you learn to trust others when you have people in your own system that lie to you bout the world and events around you?
Gaaahhhhh