Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
My relationship is beautiful with my lover, at times so heavy. We are open about their DID and my BPD (borderline personality disorder), and they have expressed that they believe there is only three of them. My question is, can there be an alter that the Host and Others aren't aware of?
They all tell me they love me and trust me, the other question that I can never seem to ask them.. can one alter get jealous of the other?
Back to the other possibly 'unknown' alter.. he is homicidal. He says that the most passionate act of love is stabbing your lover to death. I woke up this morning from a dream that my lover stabbed me, and ironically this alter confessed that he woke up in the night, stood over me while I slept.. with a butcher knife, contemplating my murder. He said he saw the pictures on my wall and put the knife back, then began to laugh and apologise for "almost murdering " me.
I continued to talk to him about it, but this alter left.. now I was talking to who I am normally with in the outside world, the host, and he said I was scaring him. I told him I understand and I love him but there is a part of him that may need attention. These people are my best friends, my lovers, and my family. I love them so much but even I dissociate and change having borderline personality disorder, and it becomes very overwhelming and confusing when I can't tell if I am safe. There have been a dozen times over the past couple years where I have had to hide knives in the house because I am not sure if this alter is with me at some points, or what his intentions are.
Does anyone here have a homicidal alter? How do you talk them down , do you remind them of repercussions? Do you tell a doctor? How can I be supportive?
..Also none of them have told me their names, other than the Host. What is a safe way to ask their names with out scaring or offending? They are all so unique, and I feel a burning love from all 4, even the passionately homicidal person, And I am very sensitive to each and every love of mine, sometimes that sensitivity takes me over the edge. Please, advice?
you need to get some other person involved in this, for YOUR safety.
i dont say run to a shrink, i know you want your love to trust you. but you also dont want to leave yourself open in this obviously dangerous situation.
if th ere is a !utual friend who knows about bo th your conditions can you bring them into the loop? maybe the three of you together can find a safe solut ion?
but you cant be the only one "tlking down" this other.
you are DAMN lucky you werent stabbed the other night. you need to bring in a third party...there is no guarantee that you will be able to tak down your lovwer on your own.
PLEASE GET SOMEONE ELSE INVOLVED
I will take that into consideration, maybe one of his family members because There is not any outside party who is even aware that he is really them, or that he even dissociates. My lover recently asked me to join him in a future session with the psychologist. So that can be an opportunity to bring everyone to the round table.
I've always worried about telling an outside party anything about anything, because I fear that my lover may get into trouble or lose trust with me.. And despite everything, I am so grateful that the Host and all alters are open and trust in me.
Venting feels good. I'm glad I found a safe place to share. Thank you, again, for your words.
No it is not easy to tell them apart, it's not over-acted like Sybyll. The others are all very shy, in a sense. They have become comfortable around me so more and more frequently they come around. Only when we are alone, or in a dark place.. like laying down or walking at night.
They have all had to hide since the Host was a young child, and I believe because of a rough young adult/ adult life, the aggressor was in control for reasons of protection.
Since we've been together, the loving, true gentle host has been in control most of his days. He tells me this Self has not been around for years, and I have helped him rediscover him by loving and trusting him.
When the gentle ones come around at night they ask me if know who they are, and of course I reply, Yes.. because i can sense them. They only have slight characteristics that one could tell apart, only if one knows who they are. It always feels too risky to ask names.
Now the 'aggressor' has been surfacing more, since my lover's brother passed away tragically a few months ago. He is almost incoherent, and I have seen him a few times the past couple years. His eyes turn blood shot and he has a very grim smile, and is sometimes completely dissociated. This is the one who had the knife the other night. This is the one who takes all of the hurt and pain that the Host and Others block out. It is usually so heavy that asking a name could be like waking a person out of a sleep walking state. But I usually have him touch something with texture, tell him where he is who I am, etc.
I spoke to my lover yesterday and already tool advice. I asked him if I could take his offer and go to his psychologist with him, because I love and care about all of them and we need a third party to help bring everyone to the round table. I said I believe there is a part of him that finally is asking for attention.
That was a lot of words, but I'm even hesitant to tell my therapist because I want to protect the person I love. This forum gives me the confidence I need to move forward
one thing about the names...when the gentle, beautiful lover asks if you know his name,could you maybe say something like this:
i know what I call you (say something here that is meningful to him. "my one great love", "beautiful artist", whatever you already know is something important to him)
but what would you LIKE me to call you?
***i dont know if this will work or no. some of my alters seem to get pissed at my sister if she mistakenly calls someone the wrong name. its taken years, but now most of them dont run and hide at that like they used to, so the trust might take time and stages.
i like the signing a card idea, or maybe a piece of art you two work on together? do a puzzle or coloring with this tender one and each of you sign the piece together to cement your love and also expose the names....
you alk sound so beautiful. i ho pe you are able to stay safe and continue this journey
Thank you for your kind wishes. Looking at your profile, I see that you do such amazing work in this community on here, and really help people find new comfort zones. It's quite amazing actually, I know my lover could really use the kind of support that you create, along with many others on here. The guidance that has so freely been given has helped me so much.
Next time he asks me for a name, i will know some ways to go about it. My love disappeared the other night, and the aggressor came back out, but this time he wasn't hiding. He was cold and hurtful, and I do not know him at all. What I saw in him was very dark. I had a dream about my lover being possessed, and I'm not religious by any means. But the only times i have had literal demonic dreams is when I'm sleeping with my lover. I told him about it and he already knows. DID is so impossibly difficult to explain in this reality, but as for this alter, the man that I love truly feels like this aggressor is a lost and tormented soul who attached to my love, a long time ago.
Now I don't know why I'm sharing this, but maybe some one can relate. But, we both want to genuinely free this tormented soul, and free my partner . He's been attached to my love for far too long, and I'm afraid he will hurt him, and take him back into the darkness.
I believe every case is completely unique in its own individual way. Souls are a strange thing, and the body just being a vehicle. My lover is a very intelligent and intuitive person, and I also could see that this alter is different than the rest. So we have to learn a way to release him unto the Light and love
like you I'm not Multiple, but I'm lucky enough to have had a number of friendships with Multiples over the last 10 or so years. One of the things I've come to believe is that each and every Alter came to exist because they had something unique to offer for the survival of the group as a whole. And they deserve acknowledgement for that. They desrve validation as individuals for that. They deserve thanks for that. And equally as importantly, they desrve support if those things that made them assets when they came to be are now possible liabilities. I truly believe this.
Think of our Vets. We take young people, train them up in war and send them off to allegedly sreve and protect. But this mostly involves killing & maiming people, destroying society & infrastructure, and stealing & denying territory or resources. To make them successful at this we train them in martial arts and weaponry, and do our best to hardwire that training into the central nevrous system to make responses instinctive and instant. We make them successful warriors. But, and it's a big but - when they come home and try to fit in and belong and put that war behind them - many can't. The training was too successful or the horrors they experienced are unable to be let go of. We've come to understand that PTSD blights the lives of many of our Vets, as it can blight the lives of many that survive tragedies that they're unable to avoid and that defy their ability to mentally / emotionally process. For me, being multiple is not a mental illness in the way much of the public view mental illness. I've believe that becoming Multiple is a highly successful survival strategy in the very young when they're subject to horrific traumas they can't process emotionally or mentally and they cannot escape from. I believe that living with the consequences of being Multiple is living with cPTSD
the only suggestion I can offer is this. I can understand thinking in terms of demonic behaviours / attachment etc, I might be tempted to do it myself. But i think this should be resisted cos I'm not sure you and the one you love will get the result you want / deserve. Again it comes back to my belief that Alters react and behave in ways originally needed of them to help the survival of the group as a whole. To be demonised and rejected for doing what previously helped everyone stay alive must feel like just more hurt being heaped on the original suffering that had to be endured. For sure protect yourselves from being harmed by this one. But perhaps try to understand why this one behaves as he does? What does he hope to achieve? Let him know he's loved and appreciated for what he did in the past to help all survive - and that he' still needed. And try to help him see that circumstances have changed and that that there are other ways for him to contribute to the welfare of all?
sorry this is so long winded. And these things I've said may be neither true nor relevant. I'm not Multiple. But they do reflect what I believe. However you do it, I hope you get the peaceful loving life you and your partner and all his others deserve
those are very kind words you have, thank you so much.
i have a book i read some years ago...i forget the title but i am going to try to find out and i will IM it to you once i know. tell you more once i figure it out...
I have much gratitude for the time you took out to share your experience, thoughts, and hope. You have a way of explaining where I not only understand, but I feel every point you make. I happen to agree agree agree in every aspect. The more I talk about this with my love, more comfort and trust settles in. I do truly believe that his 'dark other ' just needs love. I think he exists because they needed to disconnect from acceptance and love. So yes, you are very wise. Every one needs to feel useful, important, accepted, understood and LOVEd. And that's anywhere in life with any person. This is where the family and friends can be helpful to a loved one living with DID. If someone can know they are understood, they may give themselves a chance to understand their own self.
KittyTwist;
Oh yes! Always looking for a good read. Thank you, meow ^•.•^
please let us know how you are!!
johnny says..."group hug"