Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
The last few days I've felt great and clear headed. But then I realized that when I'm stressed that's when I can't seem to keep control, the world gets fuzzy, my head is noisier, I lose time. This last year I've stopped drinking alcohol (though I only drank occassionally), forgetting to take my meds, I created all these systems to put me back on track when I fell off, even writing sticky notes and texts to well myself, anything I can think of to help.
I've said before that I haven't researched DID much. Which is unusual for me, but I know who's resisting and we're trying to overcome that. But is this par for the course? For much of my youth I used mimicry and isolation to hide my condition. Which is fine when you grow up in the environment that I did, moving from town to town, school to school, a neglectful mother and string of abusive men. But I have a spouse and children now, a much different life. My husband knows everything and we promised to do better by our kids and one another.
Example, I lost a significant amount of weight a couple of years ago and plateaued ever since. I began getting a lot of attention when say I was alone at the store. Something in me panicked and I hit a block, had a breakdown, I haven't got back to it since.
So will this always be the case? My doctor said we have to learn to work together but I don't know where to begin.
I had a similar type thing: in my 30s i was going through a discovering me type thing, and I was getting a lot of interest from various places. I didn't know what to do, and ended up getting in some car wrecks and putting on some weight, and suddenly all the guys stopped looking.
I do feel like I'm learning more about my reactions to fears and stressors, noticing what I do and recognizing how I'm feeling. and this helps cause then you can identify what you are thinking during these times and maybe work on thoughts that are more in line with what you want in life.
Is that making any sense? I sort of babbled...
Kitty, it does make sense. I think that right now I am just so overwhelmed by life. I'm unable to process or work through all the events of the last two years, let alone all the crap I was previously working on. Now everything is a huge jumbled up mess and I don't know where to start, what to do, or what direction to go mostly because I don't even know who or what I am anymore. Everything is all mixed up. It's like standing in the middle of a whirlwind and we just keep flipping like pages of a book but it never pauses long enough to see the words, not even one, just a blur. I don't know if that makes sense but that's how it feels
I will tell u two things that have helped me a ton, I don't know if they will help you, but I hope so.
1. I have read about a lot of DID people creating or having houses for all their people. Like, maybe we naturally create rooms or spaces for our alters. People have said they have a mansion, or a cottage, or everyone is in the attic or whatever. I have always loved London so I made a double decker bus in my mind, and all my little have to stay in one area when I am at work so no one comes out when it isn't safe. They all play in what I call the rec room, and can have fun there's cause it isn't safe for our system of they come out at work. This has worked INCREDIBLY well for me and kept things in control on work days, and on days off little pop out more often, but we are at home, so safe. It has also helped those in my system trust each other more.
2. I have a little feral person. My littlest, I think. She is kind of like a little abused, abandoned starving animal. One day I was really nervous about something, like anxiety that I would want to take a pill for. For some reason th is alter popped into my head. I don't know if you've ever read graphic novels? But I pictured this alter as a tiny chibi, which I think can be just a tiny animal or spirit critter, some little friend that hangs around d on your shoulder it goes with you places. So I made this alter teeny and animalish and I ruffled her hair/fur. You know how you would do to a kiss head when they say something funny? Well, doing that, scruffling this little persons fur/hair totally calmed everyone down. It's like this one gets majorly freaked out, so when I made a game out of whatever it was, MY WHOLE BODY AND SYSTEM just completely relaxed. Maybe see if you have a little person that is a worrier, and try this with them and see if it works for you as well?
Love you beanie!!!! Hope you are hanging in there ok...
Great ideas! I also love London! I do read graphic novels as well. I love to read in general and write as well.
I'm still really having a hard time and I feel more and more alone and like an outsider in my own home, if that makes any sense. I don't feel connected to my husband or my children or even my pets. Some days I think about walking out the door and just disappearing into the world like a phantom but that's not realistic. I'm just so tired of struggling to make sense of things. I don't know. Maybe I just need a nap. Thanks for checking on me. Love you too Kitty ❤
sorry it is so hard for you right now.
hope your hubby is understanding and helpful...
love you!