Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
I was so relieved when I finally figured out my problem: that I had DID
because finally my insane life made more sense.
But I'm a lousy multiple. I don't give enough time to littles. I lock everyone away because I have to go to work and be an adult, but then when not at work, I have adult stuff that *I* am trying to accomplish and so don't allow others time for their needs.
I don't know if I should consider integrating, because I feel like e other me.s have got the shit end of life all along, it doesn't seem fair to then erase them out of the picture.
I'm thinking of trying to team peopo!e up when I'm doing daily things, cooking,cleaning, yoga, so that my others have time out but I can also do what I have to.
I don't know. It never feels like I have enough time and I'm always feeling like I will die or disappear any minute
I don't think you are terrible multiple. I imagine letting the little ones out to play seems like a waste of time when you running short on time and are feeling pressured to get things done. If everyone doesn't stretch their legs, I'll bet things get squirrelly.
You mentioned that you finally figured out what the problem was in your life, DID. It sounds like to me it happened not too long ago. If that is the case in the beginning for me it was so chaotic! There is no right way to be a multiple. I was switching all the time to different people all day long and losing time. My days were so consumed with frightening PTSD episodes, nightmares and flash backs that I had to quit working. My mind was out of control.. It takes a lot of work and time to find some peace amongst the chaos. I could not have done it without my therapist, psychiatrist and prayer.
One of the ways I could get some order was to acknowledge that they were there, accept them and love them as they were. If I did not like a personality we fought all the time and she would pop out when ever she felt like. She would hurt me (cutting) and she would not cooperate with anyone.
It was vital that I knew them. Knew their way of thinking, their special gifts, their weakness, their needs and their strengths. Then I could figure out what to do for them and what they could do for me.
I started being kind to them and not get angry at them, Instead of locking them away I would suggest a private time during the day just for the ones who needed to be out. Like, set aside a special place for the little ones to play; color, read, play a games... I did not need to do that for a long time. Once they felt calmer, I would be able to switch back to me.
I did team them up. I would use who ever I needed to get the job done to be the leader and organize the project together. For instance, I have a personality that likes to clean. So, she would delegate the others to help out in the project. I had a personality who was very spiritual. She would organize a prayer group for the ones who were out and having a difficult time. I had personalities that helped one another. Like a little one who was scared the older ones would protect her.
The solution is not to erase them out of your life. They will fight that 100%. But if you get some healing in you and the personality gets some healing in her (both of you need to work on your stuff individually) then you will find that you can start to blend together (integrate). I call it blending because the personality brings into you the strengths and characteristics of their individual mind and will add that to your mind creating a new mind with more to utilize in your life together.
Once you get some harmony within your personalities then you will not feel like you want to die or disappear. Things will be somewhat organized, as much as a person with DID can be. There are still some days for me that I cannot control who and when someone comes out and I would lose time, but I am comforted by the fact that I will always come back.
I hope this helped. I'm here if you have anymore questions.
Hugs,
Cassi
I have known about my condition for a while. When I was first diagnosed by a competent therapist, I apparently didn't like the answer. I have some in.disclosed personality that misleads me; she tells me things that people said, only I find out later they didn't really say them. I think she doesn't trust anyone so is trying to keep me safe, but it is hard to know hat is real and why has been distorted from her.
She found out we were termed DID and then snuck away that info. I spent another 10 or 12 years wandering around not knowing why I was so messed up, trying to make my life work. Then I was diagnosed a second time, and since then I have made half.hearted attempts to deal with it. But its tough because I don't have a therapist right now and haven't for years. I did have someone about 2 years ago, but can't see them right now due to finances, and I'm fairly neglectful when it comes to doing self therapy. I get distracted by all the things that NEED doing...house work, daily life, blah blah. So then, back to feeling like a bad MPDer, or DIDer.
I don't get any medals for taking care of myself, for sure. It has always just been easier to try to help other people with their muck, or concentrate on trying to make the world a better place....I just leave myself untended!
Booo!
Yes sometimes I do hear my name called out. I never thought about it being one of the others, I always thought it was ghosts, cuz I do see that kind of stuff.
I feel like the person I am right now is someone the others don't trust. They come out around my sister, and she can tell, but they don't seem to want to allow the walls between me and them to come down. Cuz I'm sort of a bossy bitch with them.