Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
So, precurser.... Jimmie is my boyfriend. Cory is his roomate. Fiona is my alter.
so i had an episode last night... unprovoked, I switched over to Fiona - hard core. I forgot just how fully liberating is it to be her. To give zero fucks. To feel powerful. Like i could take on the world and make it kneel.
it was aso a bit alarming. I forgot also that when in full swing she can be quite destructive. Thank goodness Cory was there last night because when she/i pulled up, i was ready to dominate. She/I wanted to sink my nails into jimmie and ... just revel in the power. She is fae and she wanted to remind him of what kind of creature he keeps in his company.
it reminds me why i use to be afraid of her. As exhilarating as it is to be her... if she acted on her impulses and desires I fear for those around. I'm kind of glad cory was there because it made her behave and hold back.
I miss it. as soon as the percentages shifted back into my favor I was left with the stark differences between us. I was suddenly vulnerable and weak. Her strength and lack of fear (of anything...) was gone. I am a pale blue in comparison to her brilliant red.
Jimmie was great. He just rolled and went with it. He could tell as soon as I walked up that I was Fiona, and he acted accordingly... wrapping around her, covering her shoulders in small adoring kisses.
When she takes over and drives, i am alarmed, like riding a roller coaster... I am afraid for my friends but .... I miss it as soon as the ride is over.
And I know she wouldn't severely harm anyone... it would cause trouble for me. But... gods above.
I was messed up for like an hour as the percentages in my brain were going haywire. I didn't recognize my reflection. Its like that weird space in-between selves.... where I'm not one or the other... i'm not even a mix of both... i'm neither, almost an empty husk of a person.... I wished more than anything that there was a support group in my home town, because i suddenly felt so alone. so scared and pathetic.
What do you call that feeling? That in-between.... where you aren't any particular self, youre not even a mix?
I don't know what the real term is for that, or if there is one.
Yay for strong alters, boo for feeling wobbly after. I hate the aftermaths of it all
When that’s happens I feel like I have fallin in to a black obyss I feel like I’m no where I am nothing I feel and see nothing I smell nothing cause there nothing to smell there is nothing