Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
I hate my mother. She ruled my life in such manipulative ways that several of my personalities are petrified of her, but she's dead now. Yet, her voice lingers. I have a personality that was her abusive, neglectful, shameful, overpowering evil voice. Through years of counseling we were able to have that personality became the voice of the mother she should have been. Now that personality is kind, loving, wise and gentle. Yet, some times I still hear her evil voice and it still scares me frozen causing me to switch in order to function while protecting the children.
Perhaps we never fully heal but we can become healthier.
(Hugs).... the gentle kind
i have a friend whose mother turns up in her head and gives her grief, causing my friend to go into a meltdown panic. She lives at home wither patents and is in no position to have therapy. If it's not too traumatic, could you tell us briefly how helped this part let go of the harshness of your mum?
thanks
kevin
Thats a loaded question! I think the secret to blocking the negative, abusive voice is in knowing the truth of who I am. Its unfortunate for your friend that she cannot get some therapy. Then the issue of her still living with her mother is only keeping her as a victim. I realized that every judgmental, accusative, condemning, attack on my character, physical looks, mental capacity, intellect and emotions was defined by her opinion. I believed she was really describing me. Most children want to believe that what their parents say about them is the truth. How sad!
When I was still living at home and or visiting my mom I became emotionally detached from her. I would not speak about my feelings, what was going on in my life, any future dreams or my own opinion about anything. Making this boundary gave me some control over her lies. Watch out though, because your friends silence may aggravate her mother more. Her mother is accountable for every painful, destructive, abusive word or action that she says or does. God will hold her accountable. Your friend has that same responsibility. She is only accountable for her own actions. I would respond to my mother not react. Doing so stopped me from lowering myself to her level of interaction by thinking things through before I responded instead of reacting emotionally to what she was saying.
There is good and evil in this world. My mother chose to listen and respond to the influence of the evil way. The good in this world will enhance your friends self image. When I realized that God is a God of love and not condemnation, I found out who I was and am through His eyes. Which made me realize just about everything that came out of my mothers mouth was a lie.
I also needed to come to terms of the truth that my mother did not have it in her to meet my emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual needs and NEVER WILL! You cannot get nurturing water from an empty well! Your friend needs to realize that she is not the one with the problem, her mother is.
Im sorry for the length of this post, but I just could not simplify it any better. I wish your friend the best and pray that she will come to know the beautiful creation God made when He created her!
I hope this helps!
Hugs!
Jessy
I also needed to come to terms of the truth that my mother did not have it in her to meet my emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual needs... You cannot get nurturing water from an empty well! Your friend needs to realize that she is not the one with the problem, her mother is. "
And much of the reason my mother didn't have it in her to give was because of her own childhood and negative self image. She was repeating lies that she had been told and believed. That's how these things get passed down from one generation to the next. And it made it worse that her father was a 'hellfire and brimstone' wrathful God preacher.
I believe in miracles, so couldn't say 'never will'.
I heard of interject personalities very recently. Its scary to have that to contend with because it seems in a world we find control, there should be no areas we can't control. But, my therapist says that we can! He says there are ways to call together all of ourselves inside, and we can overtake the introject and bind him...in a jail, or a confine of our choice.
I'm much less fearful of him now. I haven't made a plan yet, but with my inner family in a more harmonious place, I'm sure someday we will.
Jessy...teach that loving, kind, gentle voice to talk louder than the evil. Like the "Get thee behind me Satan" scripture. Beauty wins over evil.
Perhaps you can understand something I learned. "Do not fight evil with evil, but overcome evil with good" Rom 12:21
I researched along those lines and it is this. The definition of evil here is "the absence of a good that should exist:. Examples are - death is an evil because it is the deprivation of life, and so murder is evil because it is the deprivation of life; Poverty is an evil because it is the deprivation of goods we need to live healthy lives, so stealing is evil because it is the deprivation of goods that belong to another. Hate is evil because it is deprivation of Love and everyone should be loved.
To say I hate you because you hate me doesn't solve anything but only compounds the evil, doubles it. To chop off someone's hand because they stole something from me does not get my stuff back but makes two evils in that I still don't have my stuff and not the guy doen'st have his needed hand.
hah I've had to come to all this in spite of the teaching of some so-called 'Christians' who missed the whole message of Christ.
The key is merciful Love. But we have to define what kind of special Love this is. It's not enabling, or being too nice. It means if you're starving I'll give you some food, and if you're sick I'll take you to a hospital. It means that I expect someone to correct him or her self, but I'll have patience while someone learns how and does it, and it's not up to me to punish.
So, the couple of people that I read about while researching introjects, while considering the introject to be an enemy, still practice the 'love your enemy' philosophy, and have had success with that method. Not like your enemy, or enable your enemy, but be constructive in even the anger, and thus you will conquer your enemy.
That's my take on it anyway.
Thank you for your reminder to allow that good, loving, kind, gentle voice to become louder than the enemy. One of the things I failed to mention is I'm becoming more and more aware that, though my mother made poor choices, she infact was not the root of the evil. It was evil himself that ruled her mind, body and choices.
Thank you everyone for your input! God bless you all!
hugs
i'd imagine that there can be few things more distressing than a parent introject. We're programmed from our earliest years to trust and believe and submit ot our parents. To have them in your head must be compelling in the worst possible sense. I know that the one time i was actaully chatting by phone to my friend when her mum popped up in her head - my friend went into an almost immediate hysterical meltdown. And that's when i finally undestood just how traumatic introjects are
Here are my thoughts on introjects pieced together from comments heard here and there in this forum, perhaps you and Jessy would give me your opinion on what i think? It would seem that having some mechanism to confine and restrain a parent introject is critical? There are perhaps 2 main ways to achieve this - guile and force.You can use lies and deceit to trick them into a situation where they can be restrained or you can use brute force to overwhelm them. Of these two methods, the use of brute force might be best? My reasoning is this - confining the parent introject is a short term survival strategy. Once this is in place you would need to implement a longer term healing strategy. This would probably involve helping the introject come to know that thye aren't the parent but they are in fact a part of you? For this to happen they are going to have to trust you, and that trust will likely be easier for them if you used force to confine them and not lies and deceit? Trust broken earlier will make it more difficult to achieve later? Any thoughts on this?
kevin