Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
I would like to address an issue that has haunted me for a while now...Do I have the ability not to switch?
I have been with my therapist for 9 years. We have worked really hard to show love to my personalities and to find healing for each of them. In the end we have integrated 11 of us. However, there is still one that is with me. I switch to her when circomstances get too difficult for me to handle.
My terapist brought to my attention that I switch to avoid responsabilities for taking care of myself. She said if I stay present we could deal with what I am trying to run away from. She said that if and when I stay present around people it's an act of respect and caring enough to be with them fully instead of givng them a part of me.
I have been trying to stay present, but it's torturing me. I'm not ready to give up that personality yet. I wrote an e-mail to my therapist explaining that.
My quest is this. Has anyone been able to stop a switch from happening when you feel it coming on and if so how did you feel?
I was pretty fluid in my youth and teens, but once I got to about 18 I had to shut off the switching.
I think this is when I had fugue issues;so in reality I WASNT no longer switching,but my attempt to suppress my personalities- toss them in the closet if you will just made them force their way out later.
When I do stop a switch it is very uncomfortable. Painful. It is like stubbing your toe hard only in my head and face. That's how I experience it. I've thought the pain was because of switching but actually because I'm trying to STOP the switching.
Anyway,
Is there some reason your therapist feels you need to merge your final 2? Doesn't it give you just as much info if you are still switching than you would get if you didn't? Cause it certainly makes a point about what thingsarestillupsetting you
The thing is when I switch I do not learn what she is trying to teach me when I am not present. She is trying to help me to get stronger on my own instead of letting my personality take the responsibility for me. She wants me to do life without my personality. So, I tried to stay present for a few days, but it was exhausting. I started having panic attacks again.
I was really upset with her, because she is expecting too much from me. I understand her motive, but I am not able to do it right now. I like my personality. She is very responsible. She gets things done. She is not emotional and can accurately process things. These are things that I lack.
I guess I am just frustrated!
this is probably a foolish question coming from a non multiple, but how does your Alter feel about integrating? I mean no disrespect in asking this
kevin
Full disclosure: I don't have a therapist. Would love one, but I've never been long with anyone who is equipped to deal with this condition.
But I guess I'm concerned about what your therapist said. Or curious maybe. About staying present as a sign of respect or value to another person.
That seems like a load of crap to me. Or projection on your shrink.s part.
The whole damn reason any of us EVER became multis is out of fear for our safety.
We don't shift because we are bored with someone or don't feel like being there or can't commit to something. Or, well, OK we do. But deep inside all that started because we as individuals were not capable of dealing with situations at the time.
I sort of feel like your T is guilting you with this language. If you are still switching, yes it may be that she wants to work out why, and help your main person deal with taking care of you better.
But you shouldnt have to be worrying about switching because its a sign of not caring about her or someone else enough.
But I still feel like if your other person were ready to integrate it would be easier, since you have already done it with others. It seems to me she has some kind of info still for you.
If your T thinks its to do with taking better care of yourself, can you do anything to make it easier or runner to take little steps in that direction? Or share the responsibility with your alter slowly, instead of just trying to take over completely without her?
I don't know allk the details and am probably saying all the wrong things but it just sounds like your T is expecting something rather than just working with things where they are. ??
I believe Dr Alison Miller has the best approach. It has changed Our life internally and externally.
She speaks of healing from multiplicity like healing fragmented broken bones. You bring all of the parts together, create a safe, nurturing environment around them and they will mend themselves.
The process starts with listening to each other. This isn't always easy but it is completely worth it.
As the "front person" I don't know everything that happened in my life. My "insiders" have the rest of Our history.
"I" am not the "real" person and they are not imaginary friends or constructs of an unhealthy mind. We are all part of the same person. We live in the same body and brain.
There is no "real" or "unreal" parts in Our personality system.
That's what multiples have done to survive. "Singleton" people have all of the same personality traits, their's are simply cohesive. We went through extreme trauma and had to separate those memories and contain the overwhelming feeling to continue living.
Honoring all of Us is HUGE.
Which hair on your head is the "real" or "authentic" hair? And therefore the rest are your "alter" hairs?
Sometimes the ideas that even professionals have really irritate me. They make assumptions about something they couldn't possibly understand. Dr Miller is different because she spent 27 years listening and learning from her clients.
All of Us being in relationship with each other has changed everything.
Getting to know, make friends with and loving all parts of the collective self is what heals.
We absolutely know that what happens to one of Us effects all of Us.
If someone hurts one of Us everyone is hurt. If We hurt each other in here We hurt all of Us.
Please. A survivor, therapist, author says "do not abandon yourself the way you have been abandoned".
We have encountered many people who "invited" Us to abandon each other and Our healing process because it didn't look the way they thought it should look.
I lived my whole life with this feeling that I wished I could go back and "save them" without any awareness of the horrific events of my childhood.
First I walked through the grief of remembering why I had always felt that way while dealing with the realization that We are multiple.
Then I had an epiphany. There were children I could go back and save. It turned out they were here all along; I had brought them with me. I refuse to abandon any of Us.
If you and your other choose to be together for as long as you want. I am here cheering you on.
Forced integration and encouraging stuffing (shaming) any parts of a multiple is harmful.
Loving every part of your whole self can be the most important and beautiful thing in your life. Please don't let anyone take that away from you. You deserve all of the richness and joy that life has to offer. :)
I am Singleton, and I've had friendships with number of Multiples over the past 10 or so years. And I've come to believe important much of of the things you've posted. can you tell us more of Dr Alison Miller?
that was before she and I really cooperated and I was still afraid of her. We are partners now and I find myself having the opposite problem. I'm trying to figure out how to cause a switch.
Also: you therapist, if they are a good one, should respect that you are not ready to lose this alter yet. take your time.
I just want to cry. I've never had such fear with my therapist and I do not know how to address it.
I went to Psychiatrist on Monday and told her what my therapist was saying and how she is trying to get me not to switch. I told her that it hurts my head and I have panic attacks. I told her what my therapist said about running away from responsibilities. My psychiatrist was very upset. She said the brain will stop switching when it is ready to stop switching. She said it was nothing we can force.
I agree I do feel like she is guilting me into not switching Kitty and I even wrote it in an e-mail, but it was like she was scolding me when I was in our session after my e-mail. I have never had a problem with her before. I do feel shamed Erin.
So, my psychiatrist advised me not to go to therapy this week and take a break. I called my therapist to let her know, but I never got a response. So, then I text her to make sure she got my text and asked her to send me a text that she got my text, but still no responce. After two days I text her again and asked her not to be angry with me that it was by doctor's orders that I should cancel my therapy appointment this week. She finally text me "OK" that morning.
So what is wrong with this picture? First off she should have been professional enough to let me know she got my first message. Second she's my therapist she should not be getting angry with me.
I don't mean to be ranting so long about her, but I am so pissed off!!!!
I'm trying to figure out how to address these issues with her next Wednesday.
So, those of you that believe in prayer would you keep me in yours? I'm really overwhelmed by this.
Thank you! Hugs, Cassi
1. Sending you hugs and prayers and loads of love.
2. AWESOME JOB! Talking to your psych about this and getting another professional opinion! You rock!
3. Slow down. You don't know for sure what your therapist as thinking or meaning FOR SURE. It SEEMS like she is pushing for unity...but it will help to go into your next session with her with a calmness and clear mind.
Basic point is this...she may feel that it is time for you to integrate, but you can still say you can't move at the pace she wants. If YOU what to integrate then fine, but you don't have to do what she says just because she thinks you should.
But that's not to say she has no valid reasons behind what she is saying.
I don't know that integration is for me, but I don't say it isn't for some people. You just have to take care of yourself. Pay attention to what you are saying, and make that just as important as whatever your T is saying. You have to do a thing because you agree with it, not because you are told.
But having such a long relationship with your T, try to go into your session with respect t for her and for yourself. She knows what she's doing (we assume) but you also have to love yourself and not just do what she says to make her happy.
Because even if she WAS able to really be your friend, yoiu still wouldn't want to do everything she told you just cause she said so.
I truly hope you will go into this session with a softness and an openness...to find the best path for you two...the best path for you to walk to find strength and happiness, the best conversation that will help yoiu two see each others points of view clearly, and an openness that isn't expecting hurt, but anticipating support and warmth.
You deserve that cassi, support, love,help and health.
Hugs to you, friend