Almost forgot I don't really understand what she has to live with (she won't tell me), so can anyone help me understand what she is going though and is there anything I can do to help her. I'm trying to take as much pressure off her as I can and just letting her get on with it. But she is just getting worst, please help me

There are a lot of books on the subject that can help you understand what she went through. "The Flock" is pretty good. Of course, there's a ton of other books you can find by searching Amazon and "Multiple Personality."

Keep in mind, if she sees you reading it, it may piss her off. She may feel grateful you're trying to understand her pain or she may feel you're invading her space.

My favorite book is "Who Parked The Car?" as it has a lot of exercises in it to help multiples. But it's directed to the multiple, not the partner.

You might also look at books about helping a partner that has been through abuse. I found one called "What About Me?" by Grant Cameron. NO idea if it's any good, but it's got 4 out of 5 stars.

She's fortunate to have someone who wants to understand and be supportive and helpful. You might want to find a support group for yourself. And know it can get markedly better. I know people who are partnered with a multiple that find it incredibly rewarding - they are with someone who can see many different perspectives, who is gifted and brilliant.

I am finding it hard its never been this bad, and it doesn't help that she won't get help. But I think she is finally starting to listen and letting me help. I can't imagine what she is going through and I just want to understand, lucky I know when she changes and 1 side of her is very aggresive, but has never come close to hurting me. She is scared of hurting me but I'm not.

Thanks for the list of book I'll have to have a look

You may also consider going to a support group for (friends & family) of those with PTSD. Here you can gain education, strategies and insights into how to support those who have been through horrific trauma.

Since PTSD is getting more attention these days, it may be easier to find such a group. Most Veterans Hospitals have them. I'm sure you could go online as well to find some groups.

Of course DID has a unique set of characteristics and challenges living with someone who has alters, etc. If she is switching a lot, then likely she under a lot of stress or else her brain is starting to recall old memories... this is not a bad thing as it can lead to healing if done under guided care.

wish you and her wellness and healing.

all i can say is she is lucky she has you dont give up

Ahhhhhhh, over the past couple of days, a new personality has appeared. This is so loving and says exactly what I want to hear and its so great.

But there's always a but. On the morning she has no memory and pushes me away, it really hurts. I know what is going to happen but can't help myself due to what she says and does. I do try to stop myself without any success. I'm a bloody idiot cause I know what will happen.

I don't know what to say or do about it. Like I said the biggest problem is that I really like it, and actually sit here hoping that this side of her appears just so I can talk to her. It makes me feel so weird

Losing time is very difficult. I can only speak from my own experience, but maybe it will help you. I have spent my life being very quick to assess the clues around me as to what has been going on, or what has been said. I am meticulously organized for the same reason. When that began to crumble and the gaps in my mind became evident to me and then to others close to me, it was very unnerving. Years of careful living to avoid this problem came tumbling down like a house of cards and I was left with confusion about my identity, who the people were that I live with and how to relate with them, how I fit into society, loss of self respect, confidence, and fear over whether I was safe to drive the car, care for my kids, or be respected as an individual. I didn't know how I treated other people during time loss, and feared ruining my life and theirs. I feared getting trapped in some persona where I would not remember years of my life, and having everything different when I came back. Indeed this happened for as long as 2 or 3 months at a time. That kind of loss is confusing and builds a strong urgency into every task because we never know how long we have before we disappear again. People expected certain kinds of behavior that I just couldn't do for a long time, and I was socially judged for that by acquaintances and by family. Even now, though I don't seem to be losing time in large chunks any more and have nearly mastered the art of saying "i' or "me" instead of "we" and "us" I don't feel right and singular most of the time. I can't tell "who" I am any more, and the shrink says that is because we are making "Stephanie" a real person, but it is upsetting. I fear losing the family of "real" people, and I fear never really knowing who I am. Coping skills during confusion have been really helpful. Respectful reminders of lost information, being treated with equal validity as the rest of the family, and having someone (therapist) to talk through the past with as I learn how to process it in ways that let it become truly part of the past, have all been helpful for me. Maybe some of this will help you.

When she pushes you away, perhaps you can ask some questions and give some assurances that you are harmless and are just looking to help her deal with life. She may or may not welcome this, but it helped me when my family took a stance of non-judgement. They have had to be very flexible in how they talk with me. We are open about the DID in our house and they can tell when it is someone who they can talk with and when it is someone to just pretend everything is normal even when it is not.

I seem to have over 30 people.

...we overlap a lot inside though, so talking to one of hers may be talking to others?
Based on my triggers? Arguments need to be done in very low, slow tones. Do not stand over her. Tell her you love her a lot. Tell her that you would like her to feel safe with you.
Praise her a lot, chances are she had a horrible childhood.
Children seem to carry the most intense emotions.
Child alters may be stuck in the time of the abuse; pop out and freak out. Please respond as you would to a terrified child, because you are.
Crayons and a blank sketchbook may help.
It may be very hard to find a trauma specialist therapist, but if you can get her one, get one.
In the UK? Go for insurance, as the NHS is pretty medieval when it comes to the psych service. Insurance isn't horribly expensive. Worth it.

Basic info: DID is almost always caused by extreme trauma before the singular personality is formed, usually before the age of 8.

...in my case, someone trying to force me into his apartment at gunpoint and a sexual assault by a family acquaintance, both at age 4, started the ball rolling for me. Family took it from there.
...so expect intense fear, rage, terror, grief. Expect severe trust problems-because there's usually a profound betrayal of trust involved with trauma from your family?
PLEASE try to realize it's not you.
She went through something dreadful, almost certainly...you get to deal with the mess. No fair at all!