My name is Sarah and for all of my life i have been living with my parents nearly 25 years. I have always had a very strong dependency on my mother but have strong hatred for my father for things he did to me in the past. When i was younger around the first grade he me laying on top of him before i went to school. I don't remember much of what happened but since that time i've never been close to him. He use to physically abuse me and my brother, leaving his hand print on our skin for days for no good reason at all, break dishes, became full of rage too, but as he has become ill over the years he has turned to using only mental and emotional abuse to hurt the family both my mom and I.

Like i said i still live with them and i've actually taken care of my dad for many years even though i don't enjoy too. I have always felt trapped in being the peacekeeper among the family which now has seemed to enslave me within the four walls. If i'm gone more than a few hours or don't return back at a certain time, i receive the silent treatment and i'm shunned from his existence for the rest of the day.

Also, during my girlhood and transpiring into becoming adult aged I have had some family friends try to come at me at me with sexual advances that for years have tormented me. I never told anyone about it, and its all been bottled up inside of me eating away at me making my life complete misery. It wasn't until yesterday when my body could handle no more that i finally told my mother in the car at a grocery store parking lot as my face became flooded with tears. She was very supportive and by being able to release that i have some peace now but it wont go away that easily.

This next part i haven't told anyone about but i need to add under this group because of its nature.. In the past years, I would guess it has been about 10 maybe more, i have hated the person i was and didnt like being me because when I was was myself I was always hurt by people. So because i dont have any friends in reality i decided that the easiest way to make friends through using the computer. I made friends but i wasn't myself with them. I created people in my mind, to begin with. They had a name, a gender, a story of their own. I found pictures online that gave them an identity and used an email for each person i created. It became so advanced that I even made my gender a male, and taught myself to deepen my voice like a male, so that the friends i spoke to on the phone or online thought i was actually a male. These controlled alters are both male and female, from all over the world, all different occupations, with different hobbies, different difficulties, different families. It all has become complexed. These people i have even made facebook accounts for, twitter accounts, etc.


By doing this it has created some problems for me and i have ruined some peoples lifes because of this but at the same time i'm not able to stop and i don't know whats wrong with me.

I really want to stop I really want to be who Sarah was made to be but i dont know who Sarah is anymore. :(