Mothers of Incest Survivors Wives and Mothers of Offenders Community Group
I have searched long and hard for a support group dealing with the specific issues that a mother who finds out their child/ren have been sexually abused by their husband or boyfriend face. Once the swirling chaos dies down after discovery and reporting of the abuse, we are left with so many questions, judgement by people we love the most, DSS, police, investigations,...
Did anyone stay or continue a relationship w them???
It is always good to hear of other woman that have stayed with their husbands. I was thinking at the beginning that something was wrong with me because I still loved him and was afraid to tell anyone. I did tell a couple of my friends and they support me. Which is very good to have friends that will not judge me because of still loving him, seeing, talking to him, etc. Yes he did a very bad thing and he knows this. He is very thankful that I did not walk away from him as he thought I would, as his family has walked away. I am the only person that has contact with him for the last 8 months. All he wants is to get through this, get help during his prison term. He has told me he will do what ever it takes to get help and I believe him. He just hopes that we can survive this together. I have told him I plan to be there for him but no one knows where live will take us. I just pray to God everyday to lead me through this.
How are you doing?
I went yesterday to see my husband as it was my birthday and the one thing I really wanted was to see him. It was a good visit.
I'm doing ok :) grateful that I haven't had a melt down in quite a while :) I'm glad u were able to c ur hubby :) and happy belated birthday :) how are u?
I am doing ok - but I have my bad days. Thank you for the birthday wish. This Sunday will be hard as it is our 7th anniversary. I will be able to talk to him that day which will make it some what better. I just keeping telling myself to hang in there and God will help us get through this. God has been my strength through most of this. My youngest daughter has asked if she can write to him or see him as she wants to forgive him. I was totally blown away when she told me this. But thanks to her youth group and things they talk about (forgiveness) she has decided she wants to forgive him.
Melt downs happen - I had a lot of them at the beginning - luckily my boss and friend at work was very helpful through them. I still have them from time to time - it's part of the healing process. When I do have a bad day andor meltdown I write my husband about it and let him know what I am dealing with. I know it probably hurts him but he has to know what I am feeling too.
My children were sexually abused by my husband and I was the one that turned him in when I found out. I do protect my children, but I also still love my husband and want to be there for him and he wants to get help for his problem and he is remorseful for what he did. I honestly believe my husband when he says he is sorry and wants help. My husband has a lot of good qualities in him and I still see those good qualities in him. Yes, he make a big mistake in his live and will have to live with for ever - but that doesn't mean I have to walk away from him. He is not a monster - he is a person that has a problem and needs help and that is what I want to make sure happens. I want to be there and support him through this.
My youngest daughter wants to send him a letter forgiving him - which I think is great -I feel it will not only help her heal but will help my husband also. My daughter at first was so hateful toward him and wanted him to rot in prison, with the help of going to a youth group and hearing about forgiveness she feels this is what she wantsneeds to do for herself. She heard a story of a mother who's son was killed and the mother said she had to forgive the person that killed her son in order for her to be able to heal. I agree with this - but not all would. I am not saying that my daughter has to have any contact with him or anything but for HER to be able to forgive him for what he did to her is a BIG thing and I am VERY proud of her.
Everyone has their own thoughts about what people should do when involved in sexual abuse and that is their right, but EVERY person has to deal with it in their own way. You can not tell people what they should do or how they should feel as it is not a one size fits all.
If you can't be supportive of people and how they feel then you shouldn't post