I have stayed friends. Staying in our marriage wasn't an option. But I do know some women who did stay in their marriage.

That's good to know. Thank u :)

Yes - my 3 hearts - I have stayed married to my husband. His molestation of my daughter ended 13 years ago but I just found out about it 2 years ago. It has been and still is, an emotional roller coaster, and it is very hard - but I have stayed because we have been friends for over 2 decades and he has been a model husband for the past 13 years. There are other factors that have made me not run for the hills, such as the age of my daughter during the affair and her admitted active participation and solicitation of his "attention", as well as my disability and need for someone to take care of me. It has been very hard to hear all of this. I wish some days that they had just left me in the dark - I was happier as a mushroom.

I left my ex right away and will not go back to him. It was horrifically painful and difficult at first. I still care about him but the kids and I deserve so much better than he can give us. I am now with with someone who has respect for my kids and I and is truly capable of loving all of us. But I do talk to him occasionally, and I did see him a lot at first. I will support him and the kids in working towards having supervised visits in the future, as long as we all have had proper therapy, that is what the kids really want (on their own without outside influences), it is coming from a truly healthy place and will be healthy for them. So in a way, I do have a very limited relationship with with him. I will not be active in his daily life, but I support him in getting treatment.

Some of us stayed, others left, some of us have gone back and forth (maybe just in our hearts). It is helpful to know that others may have made the same decision as you, but what it comes down to is what is right for your children and you. You need to trust yourself to make the right decision.

Thank u. I pray about it constantly. I know I could not have him apart of my kids lives (unless they were adults and chose so 4 themselves) but at this moment I want to support his recovery. I know that could change 1 day but so far, I still want to c him get help and b there to an extent. Thank u 4 ur responses and I am so sorry for all ur pain. Praying 4 all of u!!!!

My exfoster parents are still together. I always wondered how.

My husband went to prison, he will not get out due to his age and sentence. I am not in contact except on occassion I will mail him a letter full of biblical encouragement. I am a Christian, he is not, I pray for his salvation. I hear about him through his elderly sister in Florida, and my heart breaks for him at times, other times I am so angry, but I try to take one day at a time, moving forward, not looking back. If he were to be freed tomorrow, I would not have a relationship with him. But I don't fault those who do. Every body, every circumstance, is different and unique to the family. God Bless Us All.

When we found out our son had raped and molested our youngest daughter (15yrs ago) we kicked him out of our lives forever. Once that line is crossed there is no crossing over again. All trust is gone. Can't be any do overs when it comes to sexual abuse.

Even adult children shouldn't be expected to have a relationship unless they want it and even then there is still a chance of being manipulated by the perp. A leopard doesn't change it's spots.

Ok, again, I will state: You don't get to come to this board and throw out your black and white opinions. What you chose to do with your family was your choice. You made it, you're comfortable with it, and I respect it. You did the right thing for YOUR situation. While you are on this board, you will respect all of our struggles to make our our own choices. And if you are unable to offer unbiased support, this isn't the group for you.

I'm very protective of the women in this group. I know many of them personally, and I vowed to create somewhere safe for them to go when I realized there was nowhere to go for support. As much as I respect you, and the pain your family has endured, I won't allow this board to become like the other one you belong to... which didn't provide any support whatsoever to women who were in agony over this very situation. This board will remain a safe place to discuss feelings without having to feel judged by you or anyone else. Make your choice. Support, or get off.

You need to call your group something else then. You simply refuse to see the truth about your situation and I am sorry for your children because they are the ones to suffer. If this is a group that simply supports sex offenders then there is a group for that. I am unsure what your group is then? It says you are support for mothers of incest surviors and wives/ mothers to abusers. I am both of those things. I don't want others coming here and being treated like you are treating me.

Unfortunately with child sex abuse it does need to be black or white when it comes to protecting our children. Either you protect them or you don't. So I guess if I don't agree with everything you say I am not supportive? I think you might be the one with black or white thinking. You seem to spout a lot of the SO lingo. I think you started this group to make an excuse for your inability to let go of your husband. I truly hope that you can get some counseling. Life is too short and you do deserve some happiness in your life. You were his victim also and for that I am so sorry.

Warriormama: You are incorrect. I have let go of my husband. We are in the process of a divorce. And thank you for feeling sorry for my children. I appreciate that. That's exactly the kind of "support" we need here. And exactly what I knew your intentions of joining this group were.

I realize you are both of these things. But there is a difference between the hard lines you draw and the support that is required. I would love for you to be apart of this board if there is unbiased support.... meaning, if you can swallow the fact that not everyone will take the road you have. If you have joined this group to get support and offer support, not to come here and "save the children." You have a board for that. This board is to help mothers get through the crippling emotions they are going through.... whether they choose to stay or leave, and anything else in between.

There are no hard lines in the sand here. You are not the only one who was also a survivor of sexual assault. Several of us are in that same boat with you. And all of us feel differently from one another. If you can respect that we all feel differently and offer kind words, encouragement, and understanding without you telling someone what they need to do, you are welcome here.

Wow. I don't even know what to say!?

((Hugs))

;)

I have stayed in a deep friendship with my husband. We will divorce when he is released as divorce is just too difficult and expensive when someone is a ward of the state (Two years left). Although I am now in a new relationship, I miss him terribly.

I like to write long rambles, but promise this won't be tooo long. I view everyone as innocent, maybe not in their actions according to society, but in their hearts. True, there are people who have done things for the purpose of harming others, but usually when you get down deep there is some hurt or something in their nature that led them to what they did.

Condemnation is really a waste of energy, so I don't bother with it. What I think is important is learning to live in a new relationship with our "other", whoever that is for us. We have to redefine and reframe. The relationship can never be the same, but it can still bring love into your life. You just have to decide what that is going to be like. And how do you know? Ask yourself, "Is this loving?" You will have your answer.