In Dec 2012 I lost my first baby at 9w1d. In June 2013, I lost my second baby who never grew past 6 weeks. About a month after the first one, I learned that my 20 year old, unmarried nephew got his girlfriend of only 6 months pregnant. Their baby was due in mid-July. My first baby was due June 28th. So their baby was born about 3 weeks after mine would have been born. And it was a girl on top of that, which is what my husband's heart aches for (he has 2 boys from his previous marriage). So it was just like adding insult to injury. I know it's not my nephew's fault or his girlfriend's fault, but it honestly feels like our baby was stolen from us and given to them. Then, in the meantime I had to suffer another miscarriage, so that just compounded everything. I couldn't stand seeing pregnant pictures of her on Facebook, it would send me over the edge. I even threw my phone across the room one time when I saw that girl and her pregnant belly. I told my family that I did NOT want to know anything about this baby, though I inadvertently found out when she was born and what her first name was. This has caused some "distance" with my sister and her family. My sister and I are good now, but I do not ever hear from my nieces and nephews anymore, and I used to be close to them (well, at least 3 of the older girls).

So now, I finally have pregnancy #3 and I have made it to my 12th week. The little booger is doing great from all that we can tell. But I STILL can't stand hearing about my great-niece. I just can't. My husband told me about a video of her on FB and I didn't say much to him, but secretly it brought all of that anger back to the surface. I don't want anyone to lose their baby, but I would be lying if I said I didn't wish that THEY would experience the same devastation and loss that I have been through. Then maybe they would understand and reach out more. I still just can't face it. I don't want to see pictures of this baby, I don't want to hear about her, I just don't want anything to do with it. It's a constant reminder of the baby I lost and where my baby would be right now. How do I move past this? I don't want to feel this anger towards this baby, my nephew, and his girlfriend (soon to be wife??? I don't even know...). It's been over a year now since I found out about their pregnancy and I am just as angry as ever, I just don't show it or think about it as much.