Miscarriage Support Group

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Pregnancy/Babyshower Opinions Needed!

sam23
sam23
While I do not plan on trying again for a baby until after my wedding next year, My fiance and I have discussed how we would like things to go the next time we become pregnant. While we agree on most things, there are two things we dont see eye to eye on. Number one: I have told him that I do not want to tell people we are pregnant until well into my second trimester, like 16 weeks or so. He thinks I'm nuts. He thinks that we should tell people after 12 weeks and let everyone share in our joy. He thinks that not telling will be more stressful and keep the joy out of everything. However, I think incase something goes wrong I dont want to have to tell a bunch of people. Number two: I told him that I dont want to have a babyshower until after the baby is born. I just dont think I could live with all the babystuff if something were to go wrong at the last minute. Most people I know seem to have a babyshower about 8 weeks before their due date. But that still seems like enough time for something bad to still happen. My fiance says that yes he agrees anything could happen, but not having a shower and not telling people till 16-18 weeks is not a healthy way to live or a joyful way to have a pregnancy. What is everyones opinion on this??
deleted_user
deleted_user
i feel what you mean, the next time i was to be pregnant i wouldnt tell people until i knew for sure that this is going to happen an everything is going to go ok. Its something that women and men both feel different about. Its hard and i know what your thinking
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you want to wait try a special time like a bday or a holiday. Then surprize them with a homemade card"it's a baby" or if you know a boy/girl card I think most people understand about waiting until after the baby comes. Tell them it is your wishes. Who should run the "show" but the mom and dad to be
deleted_user
deleted_user
I understand both arguments on when to tell people. Me and my fiance are probably going to tell just family (my mom and dad and his mom) when it does happen. I will have to tell my work because I work with radiographs and chemo. chemicals but I only have to tell my boss and she will keep it hush hush. She actually waited to tell everyone until she started to show, she just let everyone figure it out. For the baby shower: I bought everything before I mc. I could have a baby tonight and all I would need is baby wipes. lol. At first it hurt to look at the stuff but then it gave me comfort. I could hold on to the teddy bears I bought and when I opened the baby lotion I could kinda smell the baby. (I hope that makes sense) I say go for the shower maybe 4 weeks before the due date : )
deleted_user
deleted_user
I totally understand what you are going through. We waited until after 12 weeks to tell anyone we were expecting (except family & very close friends) thinking we were out of the woods. Unfortunately, I lost the baby after 17 weeks. It was so difficult to have to tell everyone, but most were so supportive. On the flip side, if someone wants to tell early on so you can feel support (asking people to pray, etc) I can see that, too. There is no right or wrong way. It's all up to you. I am with you on the shower. I don't think I'll feel totally "safe" until I am holding a baby in my arms. Also, if you wait until the baby is born, it might give you some really good insight into the things you really need which you can ask/register for and everyone can hold the baby (what a treat!) when they come to the shower.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Maybe there is a compromise to be made between you and fiance. Tell your immediate family ONLY at 12 weeks and wait until 16 weeks to tell friends and extended family. Granted, family can spill the beans but then if something happens between 12-16 weeks, really the only people you would be responsib le telling would be immediate family.

Why don't you wait until you are actually prego to decide when to have a shower. You might find that once you are "out of the woods" in the 1st trimester, you might feel differently. Maybe not but if you show that you would consider it, he might lessen his stance as well.

If I got prego again, I would be waiting for the 20 week ultrasound before telling anyone. Why, that's when they would be able to tell me whether the baby has a NTD. So I understand why to wait. Why make everyone else squirm if all you need to do is wait a little time for a clearing to happen. Hugs.
sam23
sam23
Thanks everyone for your responses so far. You've all been a great help to me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I had a m/c in 06 and when I got pregnant again in 07 we waited until I had a ultrasound at 11wk to tell everybody. At 15wks I had another m/c. The baby had stopped developing at 12wks 1 day. I can certainly see why you would want to wait.
As for the baby shower, waiting until the baby has arrived is fine. Then everybody will get the chance to cuddle the baby while you open the presents. My sister did that with her second because she didn't want to know the baby's sex. It was fun.
duane
duane
I agree with you.Before we were pregnant friends were just dropping baby stuff that their children did not need anymore but were in good condition. So I sold it at a garage sale one month before we were pregnant. Then when we were pregnant I waited close to 10 weeks to tell people and we lost the baby at 12 weeks. So now I just want to wait until the baby is born to let people know...It kind of makes it my little secret and for 9 months it is just the three of us until they are born... My DH does not really have an opinion because after the m/c he had to field all the questions. But men and women are different this way. We feel it more because the child was in our bodies...we knew our child from conception and were attached (literally) to him/her.