Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

1,034 Members
12,899 Posts
0 Online
Women's Health
/ Miscarriage Support Group

Positive to my negative..

Cantseemtoshakethis
Cantseemtoshakethis
Sadly no, I am not pregnant....

I had a long discussion with my mother, who has this whole time blocked out the FACT that I had 3 miscarriages. I told her that it was time for something to give, I am tired of walking around feeling this pain on my own. I sat down and pointed to a picture of my nephew and said, "Think about Alex mother, they would have just as much your grandbabies as he is. You can't tell me that you wouldn't have loved them as much as you love him and that you don't feel some sort of something for the fact you never met them." I cried out to her and for the first time she, acknowledged my pain for them. She acknowledged that they were real and that I have gone through the loss of her grandchildren for 5 years. She said "I am sorry that I have different views on things, I kept thinking if no one agreed with you that somehow you would forget they ever happened. I have always felt bad for the fact and have always prayed that you marry a nice man and he gives you 3 beautiful healthy babies to replace them." I let her know that I didn't need replacements, yes I want to at least have one healthy living baby, but they could never be replaced.

Today was step two, even though it was so painful and had to start out as tiff with my mother, in the path of my healing. I have needed someone close to me, not doctors or Stephen and his family, but someone in my family or a friend (which I have very little close ones) to just tell me that they know that I am in pain and I don't just cry over spilled milk.

I wanted to tell everyone that and I also wanted to say that step one was coming here and reading all of the stories that you have all shared and the advice that you have all given.
AND... I get a second chance at seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist the 15ht of July, maybe they can put me on something to help me sleep and cope a little. HUGS and THANK YOUS to everyone!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi. I have had 2 miscarriages...one last week and the first last year exactly the same week. I've experienced the same conversation with my mother this weekend. Sometimes it does feel like everyone wants to sweep "it" under the rug. Miscarriage is still such a taboo subject and I don't know why abortion can be talked about and not miscarriage. Many times family is not sure what to say and they think they are helping not realizing that we just need support just like any other death in the family.

That is wonderful that you guys worked it out. And I understand how you feel we need the people around us to understand. Good luck and God bless on your July 15th appointment.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, what an amazing step! That is so huge that you told her what you needed and she acknowledged you! Great job! That's a really hard thing to do and especially when the other person has such a different perspective on it.

I think it's great that you really stuck to your guns and emphasized that you do not want 'replacements' or to forget it ever happened. That would be an insult to all you have gone through. Those were real and valid losses that you experienced, they are your babies.

You are a hero for all the mothers out there who are being told to forget their pain and loss.

You rock! :)
Cantseemtoshakethis
Cantseemtoshakethis
Thank you both for your comments, your support and understanding. I am waiting patiently for it to become July. I am really just hoping they can give some insight on what to do to get some sleep and maybe something for depression. I also think I am going to make a memorial page for the babies on my blog website, which I usually don't talk about things like my miscarriages on. I don't have anything but the memories in my head, but I think I am going to give them a name even though I never got to know sexes or any of that. One of my biggest hurts is the fact that I didn't know if they were girls or boys so that I could give them a name. As for hero, I don't really feel like one, I feel like I took too long and in turn I didn't give my babies the respect and memories they needed. Y'all are both very sweet, thank you for reading the post!
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are welcome. I know I struggle sleeping too. Hopefully I won't get depressed this time. I was so depressed last year and I had fits of rage. Everything was out of control so I'm glad you are getting help because I know how bad depression can get. I didn't get to know the sexes either they were too early. I didn't know about my first angel until it was too late and I was miscarrying. I don't think that you took too long to give your angels respect and memories, I think you were grieving like many of us and didn't know how to express your hurt. There is no right or wrong way to grieve so it is ok dear. You did stand up for your babies and you have a right to whenever you feel comfortable. You took the opportunity to enforce the conversation about your babies with your mom who had been avoiding it and that is why lingerfaery called you a hero. ;)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes I have to agree that you are a hero for standing up for your children. I need to do the same thing with my family. No one has recognized that I'm mourning too. I had one sister who lost her 18 yr old son tell me that at least I don't have memories of my child. I won't get to have another child. I have one living son who is 14 and a daughter that is in heaven. I had another sister tell me that I could have my son name his daughter Charis like that would be the same. I can't replace my children just like they couldn't replace theirs. I'll be having this conversation soon. I hope mine goes as well as yours did. I have to agree that coming here is helping me realize that it's okay to feel the way I feel and that I need support and not just from people here. It is so cool what you did! Way to go! I'm so proud of you! Thanks for sharing.
Cantseemtoshakethis
Cantseemtoshakethis
I named them all today, I found a beautiful picture of a sculpture with 3 angels and I did some work on it so that I could use it and not be copying, and I named them and put their names on the picture. I added it to my blog website under my memorials. I decided that I would name one Jace, that was short for Jason it means "The Lord is my salvation", Skyla because I always wanted to name one of my babies Skyla Kay, and Arella which means "Messenger from God". I am so happy they have names, I feel like I have given them their respects to not be nameless and forgotten.
http://www.wix.com/breelauna/britanie/memorials
deleted_user
deleted_user
Those are all beautiful names. I named my little man Jackson Oliver. The first name is just a name I loved and the middle name is after my great grandfather who passed away when I was 10 weeks along. A few days before my due date I submitted his name to http://www.innocents.com/shrine.asp and I got a certificate from one of the fathers of the church stating that his name was entered into the book of life for the shrine of the unborn on May 2nd. I printed out two copies...one is in a frame and the other is folded up in his memory box.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Reading everyone's stories has really helped me. It's been almost 2 years since I lost mine. It was on the 4th of July (2009), so that day will NEVER be the same for me. I used to think that I would never get over the crying and depression and all the emotions I was feeling. I cried over every little thing. It's a wonder I was able to function when I went back to work. I'm glad my mother was understanding when I lost mine. She said, "I understand you're hurting, because I am too. That was my grandbaby." That made me cry even more, lol.

It's gonna take some time, but that pain will always be there.

I'm so thankful for this group. It's hard to talk to people that can't put themselves in my shoes.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am glad you found the strength to speak up for yourself and your babies. I guess that has been the hardest thing for me, people around me think it is just something that happens and be grateful for the children I do have. It is not that simple. I asked a friend of mine who makes jewelry make me a memorial bracelet..exactly how I want it to always have my little ones with me. (thanks to many who have shared on this forum I got the idea) :)I didn't name my babies, but while I was pregnant I gave them all nicknames. They will forever be my Angel, My Duckie, and my little Rudy..which was my last one that we were hoping to name. I hope you feel better soon and find a way to get rest and sleep. You are blessed to have held your angel even if for a short while. You will one day hold him forever! :)
Cantseemtoshakethis
Cantseemtoshakethis
Thank you all for reading this post, I hope everyone finds the strength to do this if there is someone that isn't supportive. It actually took LOADS off me.

My3blessings.
I am not sure if you were talking to be about holding one of my angels, but I never went full term on any of my 3 pregnancies. I only got to the point of knowing I was and having a doctor confirm it and then them tell me in a week or two they'd give me the ultrasound appointment. I was using a small clinic because at the time I didn't make much money, and due to their volume of patients it took longer for me to get seen again.
I do however know that when I get to heaven I will get to see all three of them and hold them and be with them in peace and happiness.
I am hoping that once I get my new job going that I can talk the fiance into getting married so that after I get my emotional stress and financial stress down to a minimum... I can start TTC and do it right! (and boy do I hope it's soon, I won't even mind the morning sickness!)
Bless you all!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I didnt carry them long either, 5 wks, 5 and a half weeks and the last one 10 weeks. I still see them as my babies because I talked to them and loved them for day one. :)I always picture my 3 up there playing with evryone elses little ones who never made it to this earth. Sorry if i worded it wrong. I was at work. (lol)
Cantseemtoshakethis
Cantseemtoshakethis
Oh no ma'am you don't have to apologize to me over that, I just didn't know if you had gotten me mixed up with someone who had a similar story!

Thank you all again,
*Britanie*
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • deleted_user

    Food Allergy?

    Posted by: deleted_user
    Last Reply: Iafaforallergy
    7
    My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...