
Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

htag
I am truly happy for anyone who is pregnant weather it be one of my close friends, or a co worker (in my case BOTH). Everyone is entitled to their moment of happiness, joy, ooohing, and aaaahhhing. Even when their child is born, they deserve their happiness and moments in the spot light. Despite any jealousy, or envy of their situation, I'd hope for the same treatment when and if I were blessed to be pregnant again.
BUT!
I have a friend who's become upset about all the baby talk happening around her daily at work and it got me thinking. People who have a child have a lifetime of happiness that they can rave about forever! Why is it that people are so quick to turn a deaf ear on OUR forever hurting hearts?! It's OK to feel your moment of glory when you have kids, but let us have our moment of hurt and heeling. Don't tell us to just move on and get over it! It's not anything that anyone will forget! Just be more considerate of the "constant" talk directly around someone who's been through this loss; especially if we're still on the mend! My co worker spent the WHOLE DAY talking about names for her baby in front of me. My Friend on this site has to endure a baby pool in her office! I just wish that people would take our saddness witht the same happiness they allow expecting or new parents.
Thanks for listening.
BUT!
I have a friend who's become upset about all the baby talk happening around her daily at work and it got me thinking. People who have a child have a lifetime of happiness that they can rave about forever! Why is it that people are so quick to turn a deaf ear on OUR forever hurting hearts?! It's OK to feel your moment of glory when you have kids, but let us have our moment of hurt and heeling. Don't tell us to just move on and get over it! It's not anything that anyone will forget! Just be more considerate of the "constant" talk directly around someone who's been through this loss; especially if we're still on the mend! My co worker spent the WHOLE DAY talking about names for her baby in front of me. My Friend on this site has to endure a baby pool in her office! I just wish that people would take our saddness witht the same happiness they allow expecting or new parents.
Thanks for listening.
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A few months ago, my cousin's wife who was 7 months pregnant (and I was supposed to be, too) said "Oh, I wish I had your waist!"
"I don't." I replied to her horror. Heh, I felt bad for making her feel bad... but still!
And if one more person had told me "It happens for a reason" I was going to scream!!!
Unfortunately, that understanding will never happen if we don't speak up. I have learned that I have to ask for what I need. Yes, this does feel like an additional burden. If it's a relationship that is a constant in your life, it may be worth it to get the issue out into the open.
I have had to do this with both my husband and best friend. They were both responsive and have been more supportive since then.
That said, I am frequently silent around people who didn't even know I was pregnant and don't know about the loss. They often ask if we're still trying.
There's no perfect way to deal with it. I guess we all just do the best we can to deal with it on any given day.
Its not that I'm not happy for our friends who are still pregnant (and due 2 weeks before we would have been) but we were with them tonight, and I handled being around her bulging belly just fine until her family was talking about her pregnancy and giving no recognition of our loss. They all know about our loss and I don't think they weren't trying to be cruel. Its like there is no happy medium. People are either accusing me of being sad when I'm not, or making me sad without thinking they are. I wish I had known how common it is before I'd gotten pregnant. I knew it happened, but I wasn't aware of how common it is. Plain and simple, if it hasn't happend to them, they don't really understand. They may empathize that its a terribly painful experience but thats it.
I hate my new position and it literally makes me sick to go to work. Yesterday I was talking to someone and we were complaining how our department was the only department not allowed to leave early. She says jokingly oh I feel nausous. I said yea I feel it every morning when I get out of bed and have to come here. She gives me this big smile and I said nooooo. I hate this place and it makes me sick.
Then very stern I said "I had a m/c a month ago"
Her comment was oh i'm sorry. You're young and it'll happen again.
I bit my lip so hard because I wanted to say to her Really?? Are you a doctor? and what if it doesnt? what if I have a problem? what if it takes months for it to happen again?
I've been fortunate to have a lot of good days but when a bad day creaps up on me it takes all my strength to not want to scream and just hide.
For those who never been in our shoes:
I wish there was a mandatory refresher course for people in the workforce and the whole community to take to teach what to say/do and what not to say/do when you are around people like us who still TTC.
We feel totally left out, hurt, and misunderstood during work, parties, etc.
I just wish some people would think before they act/say anything, but that's not always the case.
Thank you for your post htag. You definitely got a point there.