I agree wholeheartedly. It stupefies me how women after delivering their baby can come back after six weeks for follow up but yet after a miscarriage, when you would think she'd REALLY need the follow up, there is none. There's not so much as a flipping phone call. At least that's the way it was in my case.

I think death itself is taboo, at least in our culture it is. We don't talk about it, we avoid it, we stay away from it, but sooner or later we will experience it. I don't think we're doing ourselves or the people around us any favors by acting like it's something that just happens to the other guy. No, I don't find it the most pleasant topic of discussion over coffee and ice cream but it's one of life's inevitabilities whether or not I like it and, thanks to Angel, it has a whole new meaning that it didn't have before.

There are very few people that will speak openly with me about my loss. The ones that do are the ones that I keep close at hand. Those are my roots. I once told my SIL about my desire to be a grief coach. Her response? "Why don't you do something with the living? Why is your focus on death?" I looked her right in the eye and said "Because when I lost Angel, I had no one. And I want to reach out to other women who have been through what I've been through." Enough said. Angel's death has opened my eyes more to life in ways I never would have thought of before.

I agree. The fact that it does seem to be taboo causes many of us to feel worse about it than perhaps we would otherwise. It isn't that I wouldn't feel bad that my baby was gone, but I think that it being taboo made me feel like there was something majorly wrong with me as a person.
I posted the other week about how I was criticized about telling people about my pregnancy already because having had a miscarriage, I should wait until I am further along and less likely to miscarry. I felt like that person wanted me to be ashamed or something.
Regardless of how you feel about abortion, I think how the sides frame the debate sometimes contributes to this. The pro choice movement makes us feel like every women is really supposed to have a choice about whether she brings her pregnancy to term where as women having miscarriages had that choice taken away from them. The pro life movement emphasizes that the termination of a pregnancy is equivalent to the death of a already born person.

You're absolutely right. The book I read "Empty cradle broken heart" says that death is in itself a taboo topic, and m/c is a death of a baby which is even more unexpected. People feel uncomfortable and don't know what to say. So most of the time they'll avoid any conversation, and I even know a few people who avoid conversation on death in general - such as giving condolences when someone dies. Even when people say something it is often a poor attempt to "fix" things for you such as saying "this was not a baby yet", "you'll have another", etc. What really helps is just telling a person that lost a child "I am sorry. I love you. I am here for you".

Thanks so much for all the replys so far. Its nice to see everyone's view!

I agree you with - miscarriage, even though it does happen more often than people think (look at everyone on DS, who have joined the M/C support group), it is not talked about much.
That is why I felt very lost when I discovered I was losing my baby. It has never really been openly talked about. When you discover you are pregnant - you (and everyone around you) automatically assumes that you will have your bundle of love at the end of the 9 months. You have an idea what to expect with a pregnancy - but the knowledge seems a bit murky with a miscarriage. I almost felt that I was kicked to the side, since I would not be able to carry my baby to full term.
When I told my parents and sister about my miscarriage - I was amazed at how many people they knew, who went through miscarriage and/or stillbirth.
For one point, after the loss, I felt like a leper. The people who did know I had a loss, appeared to be uncomfortable around me (and tiptoed around any subject of pregnancy or babies).
You are right - if there was more open discussion about miscarriage, it would help a lot of women who go through it. I know I felt like I was the only person in the world going through it, and feeling the way I was. I am thankful for DS (I really am), but what about those who do not know about DS, or are able to access the internet. I was lucky - I have a great OB/GYN who told me about this website - and was there for me, when I was having some troubles coping.
You are awesome for bringing up this excellent point.

i totally agree. my cousin (who has had infertility problems and just gave birth to twins last nov.) never says a word about my m/c. even when i bring it up, she'll listen but she won't say anything. i don't even know if she thinks i'm stupid for feeling sad about it or if she truly is sorry but doesn't know what to say. i'd rather her say something than ignore me.

I totally like your idea. I think if the news and a couple of informative programs like Dateline discuss the subject it would help. I have had three mcs and one newborn infant die. No one seems to know what to say.

I totally like your idea. I think if the news and a couple of informative programs like Dateline discuss the subject it would help. I have had three mcs and one newborn infant die. No one seems to know what to say.

Sorry to know about your loss. In my opinion only fertility orientated sites talk about this issue. EDF has run many webinars explaining the reasons of mcs and how to cope with them: https://www.eggdonationfriends.com/ivf-webinars/

Sorry for your loss. I have same thoughts! Why don’t we talk more about miscarriage? Why don’t we have these conversations with our friends over lunch or after our spin class? Why don’t we have honest conversations about the grief of pregnancy loss in the office staff room with our male friends and colleagues or with our mothers and sisters on the living room sofa? Sure, this is hard to talk about it. As someone who's been through mc myself, I know how painful it is to share this pain. This is painful to even think about it. But people should talk about miscarriages. People should learn how to support someone who experienced mc. Usually, women grief in silence. First of all, because we feel guilt. Second of all, we are afraid we won't get support and understanding. After my mc, my husband and I had to break the news to family and friends. They told us how sorry they were. Yet, even though most people had the kindest of intentions, some of the things they said were painful to hear. That's why I don't feel like I want to open up to people...