Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

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Cantseemtoshakethis 05/26/2011

I have been grieving over my last miscarriage ( I have had three) for 5 years. I cry when people that I know are pregnant and get upset when they talk about the baby growing. I have actually gotten sick, with vomiting and headaches after my cousin showed me pictures of her little girl. When my brother and his wife were expecting, I couldn't stand to look at her. I hate feeling like this. The worse thing is, I have thought about buying a doll and fixing a room up for it. I have imagined I was pregnant a couple of times and I am constantly trying (even though my fiance says it's not a good time to have a baby). I constantly have dreams of my three babies and how old they would be right now. I have tried to talk to many people about this, the only person I know that has experienced any miscarriages now has 3 children of her own and can't understand why I am still grieving like this. I have no one to talk to, people act like I am over re-acting when I cry over it or try and talk about the pain I feel inside. Another really bad part of it is that the doctors tell me that I have scarring and I may never be able to conceive again. I wake up some day delusional and I have asked my mother where my kids are a few times, she usually answers with something like " You're sleep walking" or "You know you aren't married and you don't have any children, stop playing this game" I am so tired and I just really need some positive help from someone who has experienced this before. I have almost lost everything over this loss.

Marie681 05/26/2011

You are not alone. I definitely understand how you feel. My miscarriage was nine months ago and I'm still struggling. It's not 5 years but sometimes it seems like forever. I threw up when one of my friends found out not only that she was pregnant but having twins. TWINS! One of the hardest parts is I have always had problems getting pregnant and all I can do most of the time is count each month that goes by and I'm not pregnant. I joke that I seem to make everyone around me more fertile, even people I've only talked to a couple times. I've seen a counselor but they didn't help so now I'm starting to journal and try and fix things on my own. Getting pregnant seemed like the ultimate way to fix how horrible I feel but maybe I need to fix myself before I can become pregnant. I hope this helps. It has to get better somehow, I know it must.

Cantseemtoshakethis 05/26/2011

Thank you... it helps more than you know when I have someone to just talk to without them calling me dramatic or like some one once told me "you don't need to cry over something you never met". I look everyday for understanding.

deleted_user 05/26/2011

Have you tried looking at your audience? I have decided some people either (1) don't agree with my ideas of when life begins or (2) they simply cannot grasp the idea of a mother's love being so strong so soon. I believe life begins at conception - and my love grew as soon as I knew... probably to my disadvantage, but that's just the way my feelings work - very fast/very strong love.
I know it is hard, but i would try to find a way to channel some of the energy into something positive. perhaps donate things in your babies honor or find some ways to incorporate them into your daily life so that it is easier to move on. Perhaps a charm bracelet for each, a journal to each of them, etc. I am afraid if you continue with negative feelings over those around you with babies, you are going to isolate yourself and hinder your relationships. i know how sad you are at the loss & that others will just never get it (except for those of us here) but you've got to keep moving forward in a positive direction. Plus, i know the body can be out of wack when a person is emotional.. potentially leading to hormone/ovulation problems..?? Just a thought - i don't know your whole story and am certainly not trying to come off critical, but I would probably start finding that outlet (glad you got on here - best place EVER!!) and working on being physically/emotionally ready for if/when you do get pregnant... Just random thoughts... and hope you find some happy days ahead.. it sounds like it is way past your turn!!

no1totalk2 05/26/2011

I dont like people who say why cry when you didnt get to hold the baby or see the baby that makes me very mad very angry. So we didnt get to hold the baby no we didnt get to see the baby but we did feel the baby insidr us. we had a strong connection to the baby thats more powerful I think. So ignoore people like that. I will be you in my thoughts and prayers.

Cantseemtoshakethis 05/26/2011

Thank you all for words of wisdom, I told Marie earlier that I MAKE myself be happy for people now, because I WANT to. I don't want to be negative, I just live in a society that doesn't understand a loss. I don't get included in family functions even if I wanted to, because most of the girls my age in the family have kids. I once got told "You don't have kids, so I figured you didn't want to come to my sons' birthday party" I just don't want to feel bad or awful because I have those feelings toward the people that don't accept that I have lost. The people that make me feel the way I do are mostly family and they found it a good thing, because the man I was with and I weren't married.

I do want to start doing things to remember my babies, the father and I didn't end up together in the end because he was severely abusive. I am going to start writing things that made me happy during that time in my journal, and if I need to let go about some stuff I will put it in there too.

Thank you all so much! This is honestly helping me alot. I was bawling my eyes out before I got Marie's comment, and you guys are making me feel stronger.

Also thank you for the prayers you have mine in return!

Cantseemtoshakethis 05/26/2011

Anyone that wants to friend me I would be more than happy. I don't have many friends because they don't see why I don't want to party and go to clubs, or they don't talk to me anymore because they think their children will make me hurt.

deleted_user 05/27/2011

You are definitely no alone. My miscarrage was March of 2010 and I am still having a hard time coping. I am missing my baby every minute of everyday. And it hurts. Have you thought about grief counseling? When we are still grieving 5 years later its because you haven't fully processed and dealt with the loss. Just a thought. *bus*

deleted_user 05/27/2011

You are not alone in this. It dont think it ever stops hurting, but we try to learn to not let it stop us form moving forward. We all grieve in different ways. I lost 3 as well. These are our children wether or not we held them. saw them, heard their heartbeats...we knew they were in our womb and that is enough for us to fall in love. I am blessed that I was able to have 3 girls that I just thank God for everyday, be it with many risks, but they are here. Some people tend to think well you have kids and you should be grateful. It is not that easy. I still miss my babies so much and I try not to think of the pain, but anything can trigger my mind and I remember them and I cry and miss them to this day. Our minds are very powerful and sometimes we can get ourselves trapped in our pain and don't see any way we can overcome the loss we experienced, but we are not alone in this. I believe God is my strength to be able to even talk about this because I have no strength at this moment with everything I am facing at this moment, but my faith is keeping me from falling apart. I am so sorry and it hurts to know the dr said you might not be able to have children. :( IAll is can say is I am so sorry. You are not overreacting, you are surviving the best way you can. God bless you and think about talking to a therapist , I am doing that now because I really couldn't handle it all on my own to even begin to move forward. Glad you came here to this forum...I have found so much healing here. :) Take care.

Cantseemtoshakethis 05/27/2011

Again, I am very happy that I have joined this place! You have all helped me with a lot. I am going to try and find a grief counselor, the last person I talked to was an actual phsyciatrist and was just letting me know HER feelings over my whole situation. Of course the insurance I had at my job wasn't very good and it's the one they wanted me to see.

It's the best feeling in the world to just hear "It's ok to cry" or "You aren't alone", better yet "You aren't over-reacting"

Bless you all! I don't know what I would do if I hadn't have came here. And AGAIN I THANK YOU ALL! :)

deleted_user 05/27/2011

You are definately not alone...my first mc was in 2008 and I had another in 2009 and I still feel the loss. I have been to a counselor and that has helped alot. My husband and my mother have and still are very supportive but I wanted to speak to a counselor bc it was a way to get all of my feelings out! I have a daughter and she is the light of my life but it does not make the fact that I had two losses before her go away! WE all greive at our own pace!! Just remember you have to take care of you!!! (((hugs)))

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