I'm so sorry :( This is very painful. When dates coincide so closely in this way.

I remember you saying a while back that you have a teenager and a 6 year old (correct?). It helps me to know that I am not the only one with "secondary infertility" (if that's what they call miscarriages after having a healthy child).....who struggles in this way.

I hope that does not sound selfish. I am not saying I'm glad you're struggling. Rather, my heart aches for you.

But it helps me be less harsh on myself to know that others in similar situations feel the same things that I do. That this is "normal" in a sense. And that loss is loss no matter what your life situation may be within your household.

We don't have any babies in either side of the immediate family right now and probably won't (most have already had their children).

But when my sister-in-law (in her late 40s) told me she was having stomach flu like symptoms back in the winter and was over it but still didn't have her appetite back...my thoughts immediately flashed to Oh my God if she's pregnant this will feel like a knife in my heart (she already has 3 kids and her husband had a vasectomy.

As far as I know she is not pregnant.

But just that flash of a moment told me how I would feel IF she was. It is not something I am proud of.

But this envy and emotional pain just seems to go with the territory. Like when I saw a pregnant woman in the store today.

So difficult. Even though I know her life has nothing to do with mine.

It's still hard.

Allow yourself some space in dealing with your sister-in-law and the new baby. Do family members understand your difficulty or is this hard to come by?

Sometimes it is especially hard to come by when we already have living children at home. It makes it that much harder for most outsiders to understand that we are mourning and struggling so greatly.

I am hoping that your SIL will understand that you need some space. That it is nothing bad against her or her new baby but completely about what you are going through right now.

That is probably the best way to describe it to someone...if you felt she was willing to listen. That it's not about her. It's about the journey that you are on right now. And that it is difficult to be mourning and also be surrounded by babies.

Thinking of you and hoping for some comfort to your aching heart.

I am so very sorry for your loss.
I lost my child yesterday at 6 weeks, 3 days pregnant. The pain is truly unbearable. My sister-in-law is also pregnant and we were due to have our children just 9 weeks apart. I saw her yesterday after my doctor confirmed that I had in fact lost the child. I don't know what I will do when she has her baby, knowing that I should be having one as well. I feel truly terrible saying this but a question that keeps coming back to my mind is "why me? why was it my baby" Maybe thats a question I will never understand the answer to. I wish that I could say something that would help you feel better but if anything, just know that you are not alone.

Somuchhoping. Yes I have 2 wonderful (living) kids. Thank you for your kind words. I sometimes feel guilty for being so sad about my 2 mc when I do already have kids. But like you said its a loss... no matter what. And boy does it hurt! I don't even know if my sil knows about either of my miscarriages! And I don't know that she would be very understanding anyways. She's very young and still very selfish! My in laws know about the mc and my mil was understanding when I told her I could not help her with the baby shower. We haven't talked at all about my losses. Theyre the type of people that sweep things under the rug and move on. I'm going to have to take it VERY slowly with seeing the new baby. It is my nephew and I love him no matter what! But I have to make sure I'm better before I put myself into that situation! It'll take time. I just hope it won't always hurt as much as it does now!!
Dlfacky, first I'm sorry for your loss!! I know exactly how you feel! I too wonder why me?! Why does she get to have (another) one and not me?! I just keep thinking its just not fair. This isn't right! Her situation is not the best to bring another baby into either. Which makes it even harder.
Thank you ladies for your support! Its so comforting to know I'm reallynot alone in this! Xoxoxo

I understand what you mean...my SIL who is expecting is my best friend and she has hardly spoken to me since my MC on Monday. I hope that with time our relationship will start to feel more like it used to. I don't know how to act around her and I'm sure she feels the same about being around me. I am so so sorry that your in-laws don't seem understanding of the grieving process but we are in this together. I know exactly how you feel. I know things will be difficult for me when my SIL has her baby. This is the hardest thing to go through... :(

I am really sorry that you're going through this. I went through a similar situation last year. It is the most painful thing. My only saving grace is that that part of my family doesn't live around me so I don't have to see them all the time. But I did have to take myself off of Facebook completely because I know that seeing pictures and such would crush me. It has caused tension between me and that part of my family, but I know that it's because they don't understand. It's still not easy. I wish I knew what to tell you to help, but truly only time is what helps. If you can't see her SIL and the baby right now, if it's too painful for you, then you have to do what's best for YOU. YOU have to take care of yourself. She may not understand, just like my family doesn't. But you can't put yourself through emotional turmoil just because you want to please your family and keep the peace. This is an EXTREMELY difficult situation for you, and right now you need to be kind to yourself and nurture yourself and do what you need to do for yourself, regardless of what others think. Just let your SIL know that you are happy for her and the baby, but with all that has happened it is very difficult for you right now and you need some time. Hopefully she will respect that.

So sorry to hear that has happened and that your sil won't be very understanding. I guess it's a matter of having to go and say all the right things and see them as little as you can until you can get your head around it. Hopefully time will give you the grace help you through it.
I understand about the in-laws sweeping it under the rug. Most of my family is the same too unfortunately.
Hugs!