I know exactly how you feel, I just went back to work on Monday after being out for two weeks after delivering my baby at only 16 weeks 5 days - my doctor discovered at my 16 week check-up that there was no longer a heart beat so I was induced. It was the most heart breaking thing that I have gone through in my life so far. My employer's son & daughter both work with me, her daughter just had a baby and actually brings the baby to work with her every day and her son has a baby that is due any day and all he has done since I have been back is talk about how excited he is. Believe me - I am so happy that she has a beautiful heathy baby and I am glad that he is so excited about his baby coming, but since I have been back I feel like they are basically rubbing it in my face and having no regard for how I am feeling, everyone knew I was pregnant, it never even crossed my mind that this would happen to me in the 2nd trimester. They even had the nerve to ask me to come back to work sooner than what my doctor told me. I may be being overly sensitive, I admit that but I really wish they would take into consideration that I just lost my baby. I really truely believe that until someone has been through what we have been through they just don't understand how devistating it really is. I know that having to listen to all of the baby talk is so hard to deal with and it is such a hard thing to have to go through. I hope things get easier for you. xxxxx

Hi Godsgirl,

I am so sorry that your coworkers are being so insensitive. I agree with ay0603, other people do not get it if they haven't experienced the same loss.

I know you've already said you don't feel comfortable asking your coworkers to tone it down, but maybe you could talk with your manager/ boss one on one and tell him/ her how you are feeling. If it's causing you this much pain, I think it's worth having the uncomfortable conversation. Maybe you could give your manager some information about ways to be sensitive to women who have miscarried.

I don't want to tell you what to do. I just want you to have some peace at work. I really hope it gets better, but I don't think it will unless you say something.

I think one of the hardest parts of dealing with a miscarriage, is getting back to the reality of work. It seems like we are all surrounded by pregnancy or babies and this is something one truly cannot comprehend until they experience it. I have two more weeks off work and I am dreading going back. I've already received emails asking if I am enjoying my time off, and if I'm so excited to be missing work. I don't even reply because I know they will not understand. There is nothing exciting or enjoyable about this. It seems impossible to keep it together when talking about others babies. I dont have the energy to fake it, so I plan to just melt whenever necessary and make other people feel uncomfortable because its all I can do.

I kind of agree with KSGB. When I feel the need to cry at work, I do. I don't even try to hide it. I actually have my own office so it's not so obvious but I try to distance myself from my coworker's baby talk. Or even when I'm just having a moment (after thinking about MY 2 losses), I stay quiet, distant and I allow myself time to think and cry.

Once, I was at my sister's house and my friend's daughter who is about 10 yrs old, mentioned something about my 1st pregnancy. She knew I was pregnant back then but it was 2 years ago and she kept asking "why aren't you pregnant anymore?, where is your baby?, don't you want it?" I answered her questions nicely and walked away to cry. I couldn't take it. All the kids were so innocent that I couldn't be mad but I was extremely sad and I couldn't hold it so I walked away to cry.

My point is that if you need a moment, feel free to walk away. Go to the bathroom, let it out. Crying is a good thing and it actually does make you FEEL a little better although your face gets all pink and puffy :) At least you're letting it out. Like Ksgb said, I cry and let people feel bad. Sometimes people are just so unsensitive even though they don't realize it so letting it out, will inform them just how insensitive they just were. Who cares!?!?! You have feelings too and although everyone else who is pregnant is all excited and happy with theirs, you still have a right to be upset about your loss.

Let's cry together.

Hi I am so sorry to her that your going throw a bad time at work. I agree with ther other woman some people don't understand how much it hurt.s they have not gon throw wot we have I now how hard it is as every wher I go ther is a pregnant woman. Ther is one woman I now and she was throwing a scan photographs in my face it was so upseting I cry all the way houme. I lost my baby just befor xmas 2011 and it still get me now !

I work for at a pediatric dental office and both dentist I work with one of which is my boss are pregnant, one with twins. And my office manager is the one who mainly plans all the the baby stuff which causes the baby talk, so it would be kind of hard trying to talk to them. My boss and I conceived at the same time and were both due around the same time. I try to fake it as much as I can, but I feel like I hold it in so much that when I do finally let it out, I'm so exhausted and emotionally drained. I try to ignore it as much as I can, then I feel bad because I'm not participating in all the activities but its hard for me. Today my boss took a urine test to determine early the gender of her baby and everyone was anxiously awaiting the results in a big group and I decided just to ignore and keep working, well two of my other co workers decided to call me name and tell me to come over on two different occasions. Basically making it obvious to everyone that I was not participating. Then it makes me feel rude that I'm not participating, yet I avoid it because I don't want to break down and cry and ruin their happy moment...everyone told me that going back to work would take my mind off things but its worse then sitting at home thinking about my baby.

Since it doesn't look like you can change the situation, then I pray that it gets easier to deal with very soon. Again, I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

I totally get where you are coming from. I get hurt and take it personally when people get gushy about babies in front of me. You would think people would know to tone it down a notch, at least...I know that the people who get all baby excited may not know the pain you've gone through. Knowing that, you will know how to be around others and be sensitive. Part of my job involves working with babies and young parents, so that just makes it woRSE...I just fake it and try not to take it hope with me, though it IS hard....

It really sucks that you have to go through this. Do you think you would be able to take some more time off of work? Just to let it all out and gather some strength to go back?

Not that you'll get over it but at least to give yourself more time to grieve. You don't have to go back and be all about the other babies, but at least this can give you more time to cry and think about YOUR baby so that when you go back to work, you won't break down every single time. It will still be hard but maybe it will help. It must be so overwhelming right now. I think a little time away could help.

It sucks that you can't go to your boss because your boss IS the pregnant woman :( I'm so sorry that you have to go through that.
I found that journaling on this site, private or public, has helped me these past few days. I was able to talk to my coworker (for a few seconds) about her pregnancy and I felt ok. But I still keep my distance because anything can trigger my thoughts.

Work is hard for me too. I didn't even tell my small group of co-workers about my being pregnant and recent loss.

How difficult to work in an with a bunch of pregnant happy women that aren't sensitive to your loss. :(

Well, we understand here. Feel free to post on here about it, anytime it frustrates you! We understand and care! :)