I kind of see them as good or bad days, and I know I know, life is what we make it, we have control over our feelings, yada yada I know all the bullsh!t. I usually wake up and try to take stock of what each day will be. I try to identify my good days from my bad. If they are bad then I try to figure out why? Am I angry, sad, was there a trigger? I figure if I acknowledge it then I can deal with it.

I don't try to change them much, they are what they are and I have to go through them like any other. So I figure out what would let me go through it, yet still keep it bearable. Today is a sad day. I got to work with hubby a little this AM, so that helped. I also made myself exercise, figure that will help in the long run. But I didn't push the exercise, kept it low key.

I know we aren't supposed to feed our feelings but I did. I made a healthy stir fry with shrimp (seafood always makes me feel like I'm spoiling myself). I admitted my feelings to my sis and I'm trying to get more involved with an interactive blog type thing that helps me keep motivated around the house.

And sometimes I just sit and stare, I watch too much tv, spend way too much time on this website, scan Pinterest for HOURS. It all depends. Have you tried meditation at all? Someone on the infertility site recommended this one, it's pretty good and actually helps me be neutral for a little while, so I can regroup and get on with my day. www.calm.com

Thank you for the www.calm.com link. I will definitely be trying that. And thank you for sharing your experience.

Today went from apathy/depression to extreme irritability and frustration and then despair. I have to trust that better days are ahead.

I did go to a meditation workshop back in the fall when I thought I couldn't even get pregnant (before the losses) and I thought it was quite awesome. And then of course I never applied what I learned to do it at home. "It's too hard" is the usual excuse in my head.

You raise interesting questions about what separates a good day from a bad day. I didn't consider if there could be a trigger. I don't think there was. It just seemed to happen. Where the loss hit me all over again at full force.

Thank you for sharing your indulgences. I am probably way too hard on myself and need to do more for me without feeling guilty about it.

Thank you for the support. I appreciate it immensely.

There isn't always a trigger - heck maybe it's a full moon cuz I've been crabby today and don't know why. But also sad. I figure it comes in cycles and will eventually pass. But it's hard to get through and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I kind of treat it like I do my hormone cycle. There are days I'm more motivated, happy, etc, so I take advantage of them, clean the house, cook dinner, make sure I'm caught up on things. So that when I have my tired days like the day I ovulate and the week before AF, when I'm totally exhausted, then I take it easy, maybe nap, sit on my azz all day. Cuz I know that when I feel better, I'll get caught back up.

I had something else I was gonna say but I forgot, hubby distracted me. If I think of it I'll let you know.

Hang in there! On my days when I feel crappy, I try to journal. At least by writing my feelings, I get it out. Also, I try to do things for others. I may give someone a hug etc. I also create a gratitude list and think of things I'm grateful for like the sunshine, my husband, my job, my flowers, my eyesight, my home etc. That usually helps lift me out of my funk. If all else fails, I just go to bed early. Things usually feel better in the morning. I also remember this quote by Eckhart Tolle:

"Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally."

This is true. That there can be all sorts of reasons for changes in mood...even the moon :) The gratitude I have is .... for the fact that there are shifts....and that it doesn't always stay in the down mode.
In fact today is so far feeling better than yesterday.

I also like the idea of journaling. I think that would help me immensely yet for some reason I don't take the time to do it. But now I will.

And I love Eckhart Tolle :) Thank you for quoting him :)

I've been having a bad day too. Today was a monthly reminder of not only not being pregnant but the reminder that two babies are no longer with me. I wish I handled these nights when it all sinks in better then I do, but what I do is journal and write. One of the things I like to do is get different colored pens and a blank paper and write all the words I'm feeling or thinking until the page is full. It looks really cool when it's done and its a good way to process. I try to refocus my thoughts constantly. When the bad ones come in where anger wells up about my loss or jealousy about those who have been so freely given what I almost had I try to focus on what is good and take count of what I have in life...breath, life and love. And I pray constantly. I don't know your beliefs but I'm reminded that we have a God who can so clearly identify with us and has been through loss far greater than we...he can even identify with our longing for children he loved children yet knew he would never have a family. Don't know if this helps. But it's where I'm at lately. I hope tomorrow is a bit brighter for everyone.

Thank you for sharing. I can relate to what you said about those days when "it sinks in". That is what I'm finding to be the case. That other days I know what happened but maybe some self protective mechanism (so that I can function in daily living) has me realizing it on a cognitive level but not feeling it full on the feeling level. And then every so often I will have a "really sinking in" day. Where it hits me full force...I should be pregnant right now.

I like your journaling idea and the collage of feelings. I actually love that and will try it.

I am not part of organized religion but I do believe there is a God. And I like what you said about how He had a child all the while knowing He'd never have a family.

I read something online one time where the woman was so angry at God for letting this (miscarriage) happen to her. And she felt like He was punishing her. It is easy to fall victim to that type of thinking.....but it wasn't till I read what someone was saying in response in this particular article......that God is shedding tears right with you. This is not the outcome He wanted either.

And as much as I don't believe in organized religion and have had my fair share of faith questioning moments and overall general doubts about the Bible, etc. in general.........I can at least see how true this is. That God is not in the "taking away babies" business. The God I believe in is about procreation and life and beauty. It is not His choice to end a life. That helped me stop blaming Him for the miscarriage.

Didn't mean to go on about God here......if you knew me in person you'd know aside from believing that God made the earth and all creatures...my beliefs don't go particularly far beyond that.

But I do find myself all too willing to blame Him when something goes wrong.

And that article (that I just referenced) opened my eyes to a different light and stopped my blaming game.