Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
I've been thinking alot lately about all the changes I've noticed since my losses. I just wanted to see if all of us on this site have noticed similar changes since our losses.
While I have changed in many ways since my miscarriage, I have to say that there are certian things that are very different for me now. My biggest change is that I'm now in awe of women who tell people they are pregnant before the second trimester. I never use to think anything of it, but now I say to myself, "Oh my gosh, is she crazy?" "what about all the things that could go wrong." I just cant understand that kind of faith that everything will go right... at least not anymore. My second biggest change is that I'm no longer as excited about pregnancy and motherhood as I use to be. I use to think about having 4 or 5 kids, taking belly pictures while pregnant and plan all the things I wanted to teach and show my children. But now I see pregnancy as this huge battle field that I may or may not make it through. And I no longer think about 4 or 5 kids. I just want to make it far enough to have one. I'm not even sure what kind of mom I'll be anymore. After all I couldnt even keep my child alive inside of me, how in the hell am I suppose to protect it once it makes out into the big bad world. I know all my feelings are normal, and I know they will get better in time, but I just wondered if any of you have noticed changes too.
While I have changed in many ways since my miscarriage, I have to say that there are certian things that are very different for me now. My biggest change is that I'm now in awe of women who tell people they are pregnant before the second trimester. I never use to think anything of it, but now I say to myself, "Oh my gosh, is she crazy?" "what about all the things that could go wrong." I just cant understand that kind of faith that everything will go right... at least not anymore. My second biggest change is that I'm no longer as excited about pregnancy and motherhood as I use to be. I use to think about having 4 or 5 kids, taking belly pictures while pregnant and plan all the things I wanted to teach and show my children. But now I see pregnancy as this huge battle field that I may or may not make it through. And I no longer think about 4 or 5 kids. I just want to make it far enough to have one. I'm not even sure what kind of mom I'll be anymore. After all I couldnt even keep my child alive inside of me, how in the hell am I suppose to protect it once it makes out into the big bad world. I know all my feelings are normal, and I know they will get better in time, but I just wondered if any of you have noticed changes too.
I also feel bitter at times. My tolerance for people talking about the wonderful things that their children do is much, much lower than it was before my miscarriages.
When I recall the breeziness in which my husband and I "planned" to get pregnant a few years ago, I am amazed at our assumption that it would just happen. I feel the same sort of amazement whenever I'm watching an episode of "House Hunters" in which a newlywed couple decides to move into a bigger home, to "make room for a bigger family" before they've even become pregnant! I always shout at them, "Don't get too cocky! It might not happen!"
The changes that I have noticed in myself is that I now take more time to just observe and take in everything and everyone that is around me. As I only knew I was pregnant for a short while and so I now do not want to miss any moment in my life.
Also due to the m/c and to finding out that the father was never truthful to me about anything and was the typical wolf in sheeps clothing and yet I had the rose coloured glasses on and couldn't see it. I am a lot less touchy and huggy person as I feel like I need to protect myself and have a circle around me that no one can enter.
Finally not sure if this is because of the m/c but I have serve fear and feelings of anixety when going to a social event of any size. I find myself sitting in the car outside the event for at least 30 minutes trying to pep talk myself into the door. Thankfully I do end up entering through the door, taking deep breaths of course.
This experience has shaken my faith to the core. I still believe in God but it's really shakey. I understand that I don't understand why this happened and why God thought I was strong enough to handle it. And its likely I'll never get a answer for that.
I am bitter and resentful of pregnant women and parents, and I am trying desperately not to be. It's not their fault for my misfortune. But I find myself distancing from them. I don't want to go to the showers, I don't want to coo over the baby. I don't wanna!
Before I was pregnant I never could have imagined all of the hopes and dreams and desires (and fears) you have for your little one. And I honestly wish at times I never knew what it felt like to have it all taken from you.
I respect and admire ALL of you who have had more than one m/c. You are incredibly strong women! After just one I can definitely understand the trepidation you must feel at the thought of being pregnant or even trying. Its like walking through a mine field and you see so many others get through just fine but you wonder why did you have to step on the land mine?