Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

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sam23 10/21/2008

I've been thinking alot lately about all the changes I've noticed since my losses. I just wanted to see if all of us on this site have noticed similar changes since our losses.
While I have changed in many ways since my miscarriage, I have to say that there are certian things that are very different for me now. My biggest change is that I'm now in awe of women who tell people they are pregnant before the second trimester. I never use to think anything of it, but now I say to myself, "Oh my gosh, is she crazy?" "what about all the things that could go wrong." I just cant understand that kind of faith that everything will go right... at least not anymore. My second biggest change is that I'm no longer as excited about pregnancy and motherhood as I use to be. I use to think about having 4 or 5 kids, taking belly pictures while pregnant and plan all the things I wanted to teach and show my children. But now I see pregnancy as this huge battle field that I may or may not make it through. And I no longer think about 4 or 5 kids. I just want to make it far enough to have one. I'm not even sure what kind of mom I'll be anymore. After all I couldnt even keep my child alive inside of me, how in the hell am I suppose to protect it once it makes out into the big bad world. I know all my feelings are normal, and I know they will get better in time, but I just wondered if any of you have noticed changes too.

CarrieDawn 10/21/2008

I am not the same person I was before I had my first miscarriage. I am still just as excited about pregnancy and motherhood and I actually told everyone I was pregnant right away with all 4 miscarriages. Next time, nobody will know until I make it to 12 weeks. I notice that I do not have as much joy as I did before. I have become a total homebody and usually don't really like to go out. I have become a more sympathetic person, not just towards women who have lost babies but towards everyone. Some of the ways I have changed are good and some are not good.

deleted_user 10/22/2008

I changed a lot after my miscarriage. for 6 months I was holed up in my room. I wouldn't let my husband touch me and I could barely look at my daughter. After that, my protective instincts went overboard. Because they needed to do the hysterectomy...knowing Kortnie would be the only child I would ever have.....I wouldn't let her out of my sight. She wasn't even allowed to go anywhere with her own grandmother let alone with friends. If something happened, I'd never forgive myself. Then I realized she needed to experience life. Living isn't just about existing. It's about having as many experiences you can. I have lost that sparkle. I used to love life and be spontaneous. Now, I just go through the motions of every day tasks. I don't go out and do anything anymore. It's like I feel guilty having fun. What gives me the right to go on living when I couldn't protect my baby and give it a fair chance? Our whole purpose in life as women is to reproduce. When you can't even carry one to term, it feels like you failed as a woman. It's hard, but it's one of the lessons some of us need to learn while we're here, I guess. What other reason would there be for this kind of thing to happen?

deleted_user 10/22/2008

There are a lot of changes that I have noticed. I noticed that I am more blunt with how I feel. Somehow I bacame the spokesperson for anyone that has a m/c. They feel that they can talk to me since I had been through this twice. I wouldn't tell anyone that I was pregnant until I am actually showing. If I had a choice they won't find out till the baby was out. I came from a big family and wanted many children, today I pray for 1 healthy child.

deleted_user 10/22/2008

You know when I lost my baby almost two weeks ago one of the things I thought was that I was that I was glad that I told people I was pregnant before I even passed my first trimester. I am glad that people got to know my baby even if for a short amount of time. I don't want anyone to forget her. She may not have made it into this world, but she made it into my heart and I will never foget her.

deleted_user 10/22/2008

yes i started feeling the same way. my outlook has been diffrent since my 2 m/c. at times i am angry and bitter. and i hate feeling this way at times,becasue i am a fun loving person.. but this past year i have not been. and what really sets me off is that i did everything right took my vitamins.. quit smoking cold turkey!!!! ate well. and still lost .. then i see these women who smoke during pregnancy drink really dont give a shit and they carry to term..see im rambleing now this is what makes me bitter!!!!!! anyway what im trying to say is that your not alone on how your feeling

deleted_user 10/22/2008

I am definitely not the same person as before. I am also amazed at people who tell everyone they are pregnant immediately. I know someone who told our entire church every time...she had 3 m/c in the past year. I couldn't imagine. CarrieDawn, I am in awe by your strength. One was hard enough, I can't imagine 4. I find myself being very jealous of all pregnant women. I know it seems really childish, but I can't help it. I also have become much more reflective and private. I tend to hold my feelings and personal information a lot closer to my chest now. I do think that some of these changes are good, and some are not. I just don't think anyone can go through the things we do and not change at all.

deleted_user 10/22/2008

I haven't been the same, and honestly don't think I will. I have totally changed, to where I wouldnt even recognize myself.... I never want to go out and shop or have a good time. Things aren't funny anymore and I like never laugh... I wanted everyone to know about my pregnancy and told them when I found out, and I am glad that I did, because now they know and miss my little angel, and it helps me to know that someone else knew that a life exsisted and know that someone besides me will be affected by the loss. Its a very hard thing to overcome, but I think it will get better! Its just going to take alot of time and help... but that is what we are here for!!! Keep strong and u can make it.

deleted_user 10/22/2008

I think everyone changes and it's completely normal and expected. After my first I said I was going to do all sorts of things that I've been putting off. However I just ended up being lazy and not doing anything. Unfortunately I went on to have another and since then I have signed back up for school, started exercising more, finally went and got my wisdom teeth out, and transferred to a new position at work. I am more motivated and instead of thinking "i should be doing something" I get off my butt and do it...usually atleast ;) On the down side I have surely lost that excited to be pregnant feeling and although I really want a child it's just hard to get attached to the idea again.

JoMSS 10/22/2008

As many people have mentioned I don't think we can ever be the same after experiencing the losses we have. That being said I dont think our families are the same either. I didn't realize at first...but if affects everyone in your family (parents, siblings etc). Eventhough it might be me who's going through this physically its affecting everyone emotionally and changing my whole family dynamics.
Besides being angry, numb and bitter...I'm at the point where I dont want people to know, I dont want that sympathy, people tiptoeing around me, the sad looks when I pass by. I want everyone to think i'm just fine. I've become quite the actress!

artist218 10/22/2008

I feel that I have drastically changed after my two miscarriages. I have changed physically, mentally, and spiritually. I used to look at being pregnant as this magical thing that I would one day experience and that I would love. It is still magical but to the point where it is unattainable for me. I don't feel that I could go through something like that again and the whole idea of having a baby just seems like a distant dream that I might not experience. My boyfriend wants to try again but I can't bring myself to admit to him that I don't want to anymore.

deleted_user 10/22/2008

I completely understand how you feel. I often pray to god to help me become the person I was before. I used to be happy and enjoy life. Now I am bitter, judgemental, synical, and just pissed off at the world. I hate being this way.

suebee1 10/23/2008

I hadn't really thought about just how much I have changed since the 2 m/c until I read your post. I think my biggest change is that I have really figured out just who I am and have found the strength to be that person. I used to not say anything about my feelings and now I have this newfound boldness to speak my peace. Don't get me wrong though because I don't just spout off at everyone and tell them off. I just have the ability to take up for myself now when before I wouldn't do that. I have found this bond with all of you here and even those women who have experienced this loss that I don't even know about. God has allowed us to endure this loss for a reason and he knew we were the right women to have to experience giving our babies back to him before we had the chance to enjoy them. I still don't understand why, but I'm holding strong to him.

deleted_user 10/23/2008

I m/c 2 times over the summer. I can't be happy or comfortable with thinking about trying again. When I told my husband we would wait several months he was upset and still is. At this point I do wonder if I will want to possibly suffer through this again. Its not just pain of losing the pregnancy its also the loss of our relationship. I wonder if it will be worth it next time. ......I have changed by thinking of myself more. I found a new job, am getting a tattoo, and do things that make me happy not just my husband.

deleted_user 10/24/2008

Our second and last m/c was on Oct. 12 2007. Since then my wife has slowly pushed me away. To the point now that we are separated since June. She is not the same woman that I married. She says that she has changed, but she doesn't know how or why. She just knows that she is not happy. She thinks that she needs space to find out who she is. She stopped caring about almost everything. Including our marriage (thats another story). I just can't understand how she has changed soooo much! She used to think the world of me. Now she wants little to do with me. She doesn't know if she will ever be the same. I have tried everything to try to make her happy.....nothing has worked. I only want her to be happy again.

sam23 10/24/2008

Wow ladies, it is really amazing to see all of the ways miscarriage has changed us, and made us stronger. Its so nice to see I'm not alone. And Zapco: I'm so sorry about you and your wife separating. Miscarriage definitely takes its toll on relationships and can turn even the strongest of couples inside out. My fiance and I had quite a rough road after my losses, and I know its a blessing that we've made it this far. I'll be praying for you and your wife!

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