Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
I'm 28 years old and have two healthy kids a 7 year old son and a 2 year old daughter with pretty uncomplicated pregnancies. In October we found out we were expecting our third child due June 21st. It was unplanned however after the initial shock I was very excited. Everything was going normal until my appt. on January 29th, I was in my 19th week and they couldn't find a heartbeat via ultrasound and I was told my baby was only measuring 15 weeks 4 days. My last appt. was January 2nd and we heard a healthy heartbeat. What went wrong?! I had a dne on February 1st. We had testing done following that and all the results have come back normal, and we learned the baby was a little girl. If all the testing came back normal why did she die?! I've had such a hard time coping with this loss. I know my two kids that are here need me but I can't seem to get it together. I'm having a hard time accepting I don't have an answer and feel like something I did caused my baby to die. The guilt has been consuming me and I just don't know how to deal with it.
I wish I had something more comforting to give you. Not knowing why. Not knowing the cause is something that will indeed drive a mother mad. Not knowing makes it hard to cope, grieve, and find closure. It is a painful and heartbreaking situation. I personally dealt with things through my own personal spirituality, but everyone has their own process of coping when it comes to grief. What may help one may not help another. I am the mother of 8 angel babies (none of who made it past 10 weeks), 1 living step-son who just turned 10 and 1 biological rainbow baby who will be two in May. And I just had to have a hysterectomy last October due to complications from the birth of my one boy. I will never have another unless we adopt. They never did figure out the reason why I lost so many. They ran every test on me outside of testing the genetic compatibility of me and my fiancee. They found nothing. I have done all the research that I can into the matter and given myself migraines in the process. I have never found my answers.
One thing that I have done that has helped me cope with my losses is I have made memorials to my babies. Like finally finishing the blanket that I would always start making every time that I found out I was pregnant, or the memorial garden that I plan to make out front of my home this year with a different type of flower for each one. When my fiancee and I get married in October I plan to have a baby rose for each one in my bouquet. I hung a crystal in my youngest sons window that casts rainbows in his room when the sun hits it to remind me that my little ones are always with me and both my boys. I also have a tattoo planned with both of my boys' names in it surrounded by 8 rainbow colored stars. And when the pain rises up in my heart from time to time, I just focus on the facts of the matter. They once lived, they once had a heartbeat that connected with mine, and even though I never got to meet them, they were so loved so cherished, and so wanted. I remember them through those things, and in that process I have found comfort knowing that they are acknowledged every day in my heart and they are never forgotten even though the scar has healed from the experience of their loss.
I hope that you can find some healing for your broken heart. I have found that my boys have helped to heal mine greatly. I hope that you do find answers and peace in the matter. But please do not blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. I am sure of it. (((((Hugs)))))
Please remember that keeping her within your heart and letting her shine through you is okay. While it is important to allow yourself to grieve and heal, it is also important to remember that she will always matter and that she will always be a part of your life because you did get to experience her, even if it was only for a short time. Take your time with your grief and be gentle with yourself. And it is okay to hold on to her in your heart and to let her rest there. She will never be far from you.