Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
Without going into a whole lot of detail, my sister that I have been very close to my entire life and I are not speaking. We talk via text sometimes, but not much. Usually she just responds to me. I have not spoken to her on the phone since before my last miscarriage (#2) which was a little over 3 months ago.
The reason I have not been able to speak to her is because of some hurtful things she said to me days after my miscarriage happened. I know she didn't mean for them to be hurtful, I know that she meant well, but they were nevertheless very hurtful to me and were said at an inappropriate time. All of this stems from the fact that my barely-21 year old nephew got his girlfriend pregnant around the same time my first baby was conceived. Their baby was born in July, approximately 3 weeks after my first one should have been born. I have had an EXTREMELY hard time with this and even have taken myself off of Facebook so that I would not see pictures and status updates and all this stuff about this baby. I want nothing to do with it AT ALL. It is a very painful reminder to me of what MY baby would be experiencing and I can't deal with that. I don't know when I ever will be able to.
Anyway, my sister and I have finally arranged for a talk with my counselor together. She will call in since she lives in a different state. That is supposed to happen Tuesday. I just found out that my niece (her daughter) who just got married in June is now pregnant also. Although this is a different situation in that they are married and have more stability than my nephew did at the time, it absolutely CRUSHES me! And now, I'm supposed to talk to my sister and I haven't even had a chance to talk with the counselor about this latest development yet and how I feel about this. I feel like NO ONE understands.
So what do I say to my sister now? What do I really say to her? I'm not sure there is anything I can say that will make her truly understand where the anger and bitterness comes from. I am not sure what I can say that is going to make everything "OK" again. I will honestly probably always cringe at talking to her because I don't want to hear about the babies. I JUST DON'T and I'm sorry if that makes me an awful sister and aunt, but that's how I feel.
Suggestions??? (And keep in mind, my sister lost a baby herself at 22 weeks. He was born alive and then died 30 mins later. She has experienced loss).
The reason I have not been able to speak to her is because of some hurtful things she said to me days after my miscarriage happened. I know she didn't mean for them to be hurtful, I know that she meant well, but they were nevertheless very hurtful to me and were said at an inappropriate time. All of this stems from the fact that my barely-21 year old nephew got his girlfriend pregnant around the same time my first baby was conceived. Their baby was born in July, approximately 3 weeks after my first one should have been born. I have had an EXTREMELY hard time with this and even have taken myself off of Facebook so that I would not see pictures and status updates and all this stuff about this baby. I want nothing to do with it AT ALL. It is a very painful reminder to me of what MY baby would be experiencing and I can't deal with that. I don't know when I ever will be able to.
Anyway, my sister and I have finally arranged for a talk with my counselor together. She will call in since she lives in a different state. That is supposed to happen Tuesday. I just found out that my niece (her daughter) who just got married in June is now pregnant also. Although this is a different situation in that they are married and have more stability than my nephew did at the time, it absolutely CRUSHES me! And now, I'm supposed to talk to my sister and I haven't even had a chance to talk with the counselor about this latest development yet and how I feel about this. I feel like NO ONE understands.
So what do I say to my sister now? What do I really say to her? I'm not sure there is anything I can say that will make her truly understand where the anger and bitterness comes from. I am not sure what I can say that is going to make everything "OK" again. I will honestly probably always cringe at talking to her because I don't want to hear about the babies. I JUST DON'T and I'm sorry if that makes me an awful sister and aunt, but that's how I feel.
Suggestions??? (And keep in mind, my sister lost a baby herself at 22 weeks. He was born alive and then died 30 mins later. She has experienced loss).
After my loss, there were stupid people that said stupid things. And I was angry for a while. Then I realized that I was spending too much time focusing on anger and getting stuck in the anger stage of grief. I decided to just focus on positive things and positive people, so I could move forward and work on my goal of having my own family. What helped is coming up with a daily gratitude list. When I would get down about my life, I would make a list of all the things I should be grateful for. This would snap me out of my spiral.
I'm so glad you're talking to a counselor about this. Wishing you peace. Hugs.
I hope your call goes well. I suppose my advice is to not say anything you don't feel ('it's ok what you said' etc) but don't close off the relationship. She will always be your sister and chances are you will come to forgive in time and it would be good to have a line of communication when that time comes.
I don't intend to go into this pointing fingers, because really what has been said and done is already done. It can't be changed. But I am looking at this as a point of understanding, hopefully. And a point where we can move forward.