Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
If anyone out there is going through something similar, I want you to know you are not alone. Sorry if this is long but here goes:
Recently I began infertility treatments because for some time, my husband and I had unsuccessfully tried to have a baby. I managed to get pregnant once in March of 2008, but miscarried at 8 weeks. I was diagnosed as having a blighted ovum, which basically meant that though a gestational sack had developed, no fetal pole was present. It was not certain whether a fetus had been present at some point and had died very early on, or if there had never been one. I was crushed, I cried for a while but things passed quickly and naturally and without much pain. My husband and I began trying again as soon as we were able, and after a year with no success, I was put on clomid by my gynecologist. Unfortunatley, three rounds of clomid did not produce a pregnancy, and instead I developed a large cyst on my right ovary, causing great pain. After the cyst subsided, we were referred out to a fertility specialist in Evanston and I began a series of injections of a different hormone, called Gonal-F. After one cycle, I underwent inter-uterine insemination, or IUI. We were amazed when we discovered that on the very first cycle, I got pregnant. I went in every week for an ultrasound, and on the 6th week we saw the baby's heartbeat. Pregnancy really kicked my ass (so to speak), I had every bad first trimester symptom in the book. There were times when I felt like I wasn't sure it was worth it, I felt so rotten. Overall however, I was overjoyed. Trent and I both were. Then, at 7 weeks the ultrasound tech said that the baby wasn't growing appropriately. My heart sank. When we returned for our 8 week appointment there was no more heartbeat. The doctor told me I would miscarry again. She knew about my other miscarriage, and told me to expect much of the same experience. It seemed likely I would pass everything naturally and so she opted not to schedule a D&C.
At first I felt relatively numb. I was trying so hard to balance my sadness with optimism. After all, we could try again. I had an appointment scheduled with the fertility center to begin a profile on me to determine any possible cause of my recurrent miscarriages. The friday before the appointment I began cramping and bleeding. I wasn't surprised by this since I had gone through it before. A few days later on my way to the appointment, I experienced severe pain while driving on I-94. I thought I would black out. I pulled off into a travel plaza and went into the bathroom where I proceeded to hemorrhage violently all over the floor. I have never experienced such pain. It was so bad I thought I would die and I couldn't stand. I called 911 and an ambulance came and took me to the hospital. While there, I passed the placenta, and the doctors hoped that the bleeding would slow and eventually stop. I was sent home with pain medicine and orders to come back into the hospital if the bleeding became heavy again, or if I became dizzy or feverish. I noticed that the following day, I had a panic attack. It seemed odd to me, but it passed so quickly I didn't think much of it. For those of you who have never experienced a panic attack, your heart races, you begin to sweat uncontrollably, and you quite literally feel like you're about to die. It is horrible. I have experienced them before, in the years after my father died I used to get them at night. I was finally able to manage them with medication and eventually able to stop the medication altogether. Still, the next day passed without incident and I thought it had been a fluke.
The following day, Trent and I were scheduled to have dinner at his boss's house. I was feeling quite odd before we got there, very clammy and cold, quite nauseous and dizzy. I tried to make it through the dinner but eventually I couldn't stand it anymore and we returned to the hospital. An ultrasound determined that there was still tissue remaining in my uterus, and I was prescribed a drug called cytotec to expel it. I took the drug the next day, and after some extremely heavy bleeding during which I passed several clots, the volume of blood got slighter and by the next day had slowed to a mere trickle. Unfortunately, as the bleeding slowed, the panic attacks became more frequent and more violent. I began to feel terrified throughout the day. At one point I was convinced I was becoming schizophrenic or had some horrible cancerous growth in my brain. My whole body would sweat and shake, I couldn't eat without vomiting and honestly I wanted to die. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist for the following week, hoping that until then I could somehow cope with the symptoms. I was wrong. I finally completely broke down last Saturday, July 4th, and went to the hospital. I couldn't fathom living this way any longer.
At the hospital I was given a psych consult and the psychiatrist reassured me that I was not dying or going crazy, and told me that panic disorder is unfortunately common after miscarriage because of a lack of estrogen which affects the serotonin levels in the brain. He prescribed Xanax to help me get through until the appointment date with my psychiatrist. So, for the past few days I have been determining what dosage level works for me, and how often during the day I need to take it. So far .75 mg four times a day seems to work fairly well, combined with 60mg of prozac. I still have some of the physical symptoms of anxiety, sweaty cold feet and occasionally sweaty hands, but at least I can get though the day. My hope is that at my psychiatry appointment tomorrow, I will be able to work with the doctor to determine the best course of treatment for these attacks, one that will enable me to continue to lead a normal life and hopefully, eventually allow me to become medicine free.
I have always suffered from depression and, as I mentioned, I do have a history of anxiety as well. However, I can honestly say that this is the worst I have ever experienced, and I can only hope it won't continue for too long. It is hard to allow yourself time to heal, when you are so sad and so physically miserable you only wish it could be over immediately. There are definitely worse times of the day for me, I usually experience a bad panic attack when I first wake up, and sadly though the xanax does help, it often leaves me feeling foggy headed and unable to concentrate. Besides medication, I find that walking with my dog, talking to friends, or even cleaning the house can help keep my mind off occupied and make the attacks easier to deal with. I am determined to fight until I get better, and I am lucky to have a wonderful supportive husband and a mother that has come to stay with me until I get back on my feet. There are moments when I get scared that it will never end, but I believe that I can make it and in writing this, I hope that if there is anyone out there who is suffering through a similar experience, maybe this will let you know that you are not alone, and that there are people out there who can help.
Blessings to you all.
Recently I began infertility treatments because for some time, my husband and I had unsuccessfully tried to have a baby. I managed to get pregnant once in March of 2008, but miscarried at 8 weeks. I was diagnosed as having a blighted ovum, which basically meant that though a gestational sack had developed, no fetal pole was present. It was not certain whether a fetus had been present at some point and had died very early on, or if there had never been one. I was crushed, I cried for a while but things passed quickly and naturally and without much pain. My husband and I began trying again as soon as we were able, and after a year with no success, I was put on clomid by my gynecologist. Unfortunatley, three rounds of clomid did not produce a pregnancy, and instead I developed a large cyst on my right ovary, causing great pain. After the cyst subsided, we were referred out to a fertility specialist in Evanston and I began a series of injections of a different hormone, called Gonal-F. After one cycle, I underwent inter-uterine insemination, or IUI. We were amazed when we discovered that on the very first cycle, I got pregnant. I went in every week for an ultrasound, and on the 6th week we saw the baby's heartbeat. Pregnancy really kicked my ass (so to speak), I had every bad first trimester symptom in the book. There were times when I felt like I wasn't sure it was worth it, I felt so rotten. Overall however, I was overjoyed. Trent and I both were. Then, at 7 weeks the ultrasound tech said that the baby wasn't growing appropriately. My heart sank. When we returned for our 8 week appointment there was no more heartbeat. The doctor told me I would miscarry again. She knew about my other miscarriage, and told me to expect much of the same experience. It seemed likely I would pass everything naturally and so she opted not to schedule a D&C.
At first I felt relatively numb. I was trying so hard to balance my sadness with optimism. After all, we could try again. I had an appointment scheduled with the fertility center to begin a profile on me to determine any possible cause of my recurrent miscarriages. The friday before the appointment I began cramping and bleeding. I wasn't surprised by this since I had gone through it before. A few days later on my way to the appointment, I experienced severe pain while driving on I-94. I thought I would black out. I pulled off into a travel plaza and went into the bathroom where I proceeded to hemorrhage violently all over the floor. I have never experienced such pain. It was so bad I thought I would die and I couldn't stand. I called 911 and an ambulance came and took me to the hospital. While there, I passed the placenta, and the doctors hoped that the bleeding would slow and eventually stop. I was sent home with pain medicine and orders to come back into the hospital if the bleeding became heavy again, or if I became dizzy or feverish. I noticed that the following day, I had a panic attack. It seemed odd to me, but it passed so quickly I didn't think much of it. For those of you who have never experienced a panic attack, your heart races, you begin to sweat uncontrollably, and you quite literally feel like you're about to die. It is horrible. I have experienced them before, in the years after my father died I used to get them at night. I was finally able to manage them with medication and eventually able to stop the medication altogether. Still, the next day passed without incident and I thought it had been a fluke.
The following day, Trent and I were scheduled to have dinner at his boss's house. I was feeling quite odd before we got there, very clammy and cold, quite nauseous and dizzy. I tried to make it through the dinner but eventually I couldn't stand it anymore and we returned to the hospital. An ultrasound determined that there was still tissue remaining in my uterus, and I was prescribed a drug called cytotec to expel it. I took the drug the next day, and after some extremely heavy bleeding during which I passed several clots, the volume of blood got slighter and by the next day had slowed to a mere trickle. Unfortunately, as the bleeding slowed, the panic attacks became more frequent and more violent. I began to feel terrified throughout the day. At one point I was convinced I was becoming schizophrenic or had some horrible cancerous growth in my brain. My whole body would sweat and shake, I couldn't eat without vomiting and honestly I wanted to die. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist for the following week, hoping that until then I could somehow cope with the symptoms. I was wrong. I finally completely broke down last Saturday, July 4th, and went to the hospital. I couldn't fathom living this way any longer.
At the hospital I was given a psych consult and the psychiatrist reassured me that I was not dying or going crazy, and told me that panic disorder is unfortunately common after miscarriage because of a lack of estrogen which affects the serotonin levels in the brain. He prescribed Xanax to help me get through until the appointment date with my psychiatrist. So, for the past few days I have been determining what dosage level works for me, and how often during the day I need to take it. So far .75 mg four times a day seems to work fairly well, combined with 60mg of prozac. I still have some of the physical symptoms of anxiety, sweaty cold feet and occasionally sweaty hands, but at least I can get though the day. My hope is that at my psychiatry appointment tomorrow, I will be able to work with the doctor to determine the best course of treatment for these attacks, one that will enable me to continue to lead a normal life and hopefully, eventually allow me to become medicine free.
I have always suffered from depression and, as I mentioned, I do have a history of anxiety as well. However, I can honestly say that this is the worst I have ever experienced, and I can only hope it won't continue for too long. It is hard to allow yourself time to heal, when you are so sad and so physically miserable you only wish it could be over immediately. There are definitely worse times of the day for me, I usually experience a bad panic attack when I first wake up, and sadly though the xanax does help, it often leaves me feeling foggy headed and unable to concentrate. Besides medication, I find that walking with my dog, talking to friends, or even cleaning the house can help keep my mind off occupied and make the attacks easier to deal with. I am determined to fight until I get better, and I am lucky to have a wonderful supportive husband and a mother that has come to stay with me until I get back on my feet. There are moments when I get scared that it will never end, but I believe that I can make it and in writing this, I hope that if there is anyone out there who is suffering through a similar experience, maybe this will let you know that you are not alone, and that there are people out there who can help.
Blessings to you all.
I know exactly how you feel. I had a anxiety attack and both my husbnad and I are involved in fire dept. I felt so bad, i told him to go and get the AED, i felt like my heart was racing out of my chest. I was short of breath and so nervous i remember i couldn't calm myself down. When the paramedic got to my house my heart rate was 150 but prior to them coming in was 180. I have been taking anxiety meds since that attack, i still get them they are always at night but less severe then the first one.