I am so, so sorry that he handled it like this. I think all of us can say we've had at least one person who just couldn't handle things right at a certain point and let us down. It's heartbreaking. You must feel like you're in your little life raft, paddling alone. Ironically, maybe counseling is the best thing, especially if he can come along and be a part of it and maybe you can also go separately. Because if he can express his feelings about moving on, then the counselor can address that and educate him on how mothers grieve completely differently, and usually for longer, I'd think, than many men typically do. I wonder if there's a history of improper grief in his family where folks were not allowed to grieve, and extreme emotions over a loss were shut down and "not allowed." When people want other people to "move on," in the first two years of a loss (which is when most people are still really struggling, according to my therapist), then I feel like it's because it's inconvenient.

No, you can't just move on right now, or any time soon, from my point of view. Moving on with a child is not like moving on with a grandparent. This was not supposed to happen. This is now how it should be. My mother in law tried, unintentionally, to encourage me with that line, too, about moving on. Maybe we reintegrate into life at some point in an easier way than we did before, maybe we can hold it and no longer have the same intense emotions we once did, or maybe we still do and it's just occasionally, but it's an evolving process. It's like an onion....and there are lots of layers.

Even if he were in a better place than you emotionally but was more understanding, it'd still be hard for him because you aren't the same person, and that's only to be expected. You're sad, naturally, and so you're note completely yourself, of course. But love has to go the long haul. So I think he needs support, too, even if all that is for him is how to support you better and know where his boundaries are. That way it doesn't come out like it did today. My husband and I are realizing that he has to tell me that he just doesn't have it to be supportive at some moments. It really, really sucks, but I guess at least it's honest. That way it doesn't come out as frustration later on when he's trapped in a conversation and I feel hurt that he looks like a deer caught in the headlights. That's what I mean by a boundary, it's not to keep love out but to protect you from getting hurt.

The truth is, my husband is a good friend to me, but we're different, and when he's available for me, he's like a rock, but when he's not, I have to run to my therapist, my female friends, count down the days to my once a month support group, and come here.

I'm glad you're here...sending loads of hugs and support. Hang in there....

I'm sorry you are going through this with your husband. I consider my husband to be very supportive, patient and understanding, but he processes grief differently and I find myself getting frustrated and angry over this. I think this is the case with most women and men. Plus, men don't have a living, growing baby in their bodies so its harder for them to truly understand the loss of a miscarriage.

I like what WillsMum said a lot, and agree that counseling can be such a great thing, especially now. I think IF and miscarriage has to affect even the best relationships. I think its key for us to be armed with a few close female friends, a therapist and a support group.

Thinking of you and sending peace.

I'm also really sorry to hear this is going on for you at the moment. It's a shame he couldn't have waited a couple of weeks to get past this huge hurdle you have to face.
But I do think counseling might help you both. Hope you manage to find a really good one.

I agree that men are just different. They don't become nearly as attached to the baby as we do since it's not in their bodies and they can't touch them or feel them kick at that stage.
It used to make me sad when I heard my husband talk on the phone and laugh normally while I was in such a pit of despair.
My husband also doesn't really know what to do with emotional women, it kind of scares him so if I do cry it's usually during the day when he isn't around. His presence normally cheers me up anyway so I feel better in the evenings anyway. I can talk to him though, and tell him how hard it is with everyone being pregnant etc and he is sympathetic and I've just had to accept that he's moved on and he probably thinks I've moved more that I have but I've just had to rely on other ways of support, like this website and talking to friends.

I know the next few days are going to be tough for you, hope you manage to do something together or you do something special for yourself. all the best xx

I think from what I've read before that you have had two losses. I also had two losses and had a similar experience after the second. He's a supportive man and I know he cares for me and the babies we lost but he is stoic and does not often express sad emotions, if at all. He was very supportive and patient as i grieved for our baby the first year, but soon after we found out we lost the next pregnancy, it was harder for him to be supportive. I think for him the very refreshed strong grief that I was feeling made him feel like I had been grieving so strongly and passionately for an entire year, whereas my grief from our first loss had progressed/eased quite a bit. But with the new loss on top of the pregnancies around me that had just been announced, it was hard and I was sad and depressed. Anyway, he said some things that were harsh, but in his mind he thinks he was trying to be strong and helping me navigate through these emotions. (and to be honest sometimes I need some direct and honest advice from him, but a month after our Second loss it was not the time). Husbands like family and strangers sometimes just don't know the right thing to say and many times they say the exact wrong thing. Hope you find some relief this week. I try to find something to do to celebrate my babies anniversaries. It helps me get my mind off the grief and celebrates my sweet babies lives even though they were short.

Thank you all for the thoughts and support. Jmommy I totally agree with you. My husband seems to be the exact same way! I know men and women grieve differently espe about this. We just need to find a common ground to stand on! I'm just hoping things get better!