Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

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sam23 09/30/2008

Are any of you upset by people telling you miscarriage horror stories, or giving you useless advice after they find out about your loss?
Sometimes when someone finds out I've miscarried they proceed to tell me about their aunt so and so who had 3 miscarriages and then 2 healthy kids, or their friend who miscarried in between each of her living children. Is that suppose to make me feel better. I know they mean well, but I dont want to think about having three miscarriages before I finally have a child, or think about possibly miscarrying every other time I get pregnant.

The advice is even worse. I hear, "well you shouldnt have told people so early. You know thats bad luck" or " maybe you did too much. You know you have to slow down when you are pregnant". Seriously! Do they think I ran myself ragged and flung my body around like a rag doll and thats why I miscarried. And no I didnt tell too may people..Hell my mother didnt even know!
But I think the one thing I've heared that really hurt me was when my friend said "Wow you had another miscarriage and needed a D&C. Thats so bad for your body and your health. You should stop doing that to yourself , get your tubes tied or something because miscarriages arent healthy and neither are invasive procedures like D&C's." Is she kidding me! Does she honestly think I woke up one morning and said "hmm I feel like destroying my body & my sanity, so I'm gonna miscarry today and then go have a D&C so I can really screw things up down there." GEEZ! I know miscarriages are bad and I wouldnt wish one on my worst enemy, so how can she think that I'm doing this to myself.
I'm sorry for ranting, but I'm having an emotional day,and I've kinda had it with people who just dont seem to have brain cells.

deleted_user 09/30/2008

First, your friend is off-base about the d&c-- unless you had complications, your body will be fine. And yes, I agree it's annoying at best when people feel compelled to go into their m/c stories, particularly when they are about people you've never met. I try to remember that they are coming from a place of caring and they simply don't know what to say, but honestly, sometimes people say the most awful, stupid things.

deleted_user 09/30/2008

You're not alone, I too am sick of hearing other stories it doesn't help ease my pain.

deleted_user 09/30/2008

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have heard those things, but they weren't said directly to me. No one really knows about my miscarriage so when the subject is breached they say things like that and all I can do is gasp for air.. I feel like I'm going to explode into tears or rage or just internally combust!

deleted_user 09/30/2008

You are definitely not alone. For me, the worst is when people tell me that it's a good sign that I could get pregnant in the first place. What good does it do me to get pregnant if I am just gonna m/c?! People don't understand that though...sometimes I think people should keep their mouths shut.

deleted_user 09/30/2008

It's like everyone in the world has lost their compassion! I totally feel the same way. If you don't know what to say, SHUT UP!!! I especially hate people telling me they had a m/c and it wasn't that big of a deal.. just bled a couple days and it was over. NOT SO!!!

deleted_user 09/30/2008

I agree with these ladies. Hearing the horror stories doesn't exactly help the situation or your emotional well-being at all. I never had a D & C because of where I was at in my pregnancy but I've known some ladies who did and physically, they were fine; I think it's like Sadbelly said, unless there are already complications going on, most of these procedures are safe.

It's hard because there are people who honestly do mean well and some of these comments are stemmed from that but at the time they don't always think about what they're saying. Then there are those who are just insensitive clods who seem to naturally speak without thinking. You can spot the difference after a while.

sam23 09/30/2008

Thanks so much ladies for the responses so far. I'm glad I'm not alone. And rgtrundle-I too feel bad when others say at least you can get pregnant. Getting pregnant doesnt mean a thing if you cant stay that way and deliver a healthy baby nine months later. Well at least us girls have eachother (:

deleted_user 09/30/2008

Hi I am new here, but saw your post and instantly related. The things people say can be so unhelpful at times! I have heard many of the same things. My least favorite is "Are you sure you should be trying again?" Anyway, you are most certainly NOT alone!

kokomokers 09/30/2008

I completely agree. It pisses me off so much when people tell me about their family or friends who have had miscarriages. OR they bring up someone we both know, "oh look at _____, she had (#) miscarriages and now she has a baby!!" Like that's supposed to make me feel better about losing my baby. WTF!! I know they probably are just trying to make me feel better, but bringing up someone ELSE'S problems doesn't make me feel better in the slightest bit. I don't care if 10 million women have had a m/c, I still feel singled out and completely alone!! When will they just get it....a simple "I'm so sorry, do you want to talk?" and a hug are what we're looking for!! Not a play-by-play about their neighbor's friend's wife's neice who had 5 m/c and now has 4 kids!!!!

Hmm...sorry, guess I got off on a rant too!! Whatever, you guys are the only ones who understand me so I'll rant away :)

deleted_user 10/01/2008

Only people who have experienced MC can understand, that's why I love this room so much. When I miscarried years ago and had to have a D&C I got pregnant and carried to term, she's almost 26 years old now. Just a word to encourage you and to debunk your friends scare about D&C's.

deleted_user 10/02/2008

Hi, I can't have any more kids but whenever anyone heard I was having problems, everyone knows someone who tried for 10 years, gave up and then it happened! 10 years, god did I panic at these stories. People try to be kind but I think sometimes a silence may be kinder

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