Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
After having my miscarriage back in October I felt the world close around me. Then much to my surprise and shock, I found out I was pregnant again right before Christmas. I couldn't believe it. To me, I had just received the best Christmas gift ever. I immediately went to the doctor so they could do blood work and make sure I had everything I needed to take care of my new baby. Thanks to people on this site I knew about low progestrone levels and sure enough, mine were very low. So I had to take it vaginally to help my little one. Every day that passed I felt more excited because I could breathe more easily. My first miscarriage was very abrupt and I had to watch myself bleed out in a hospital as I lost my baby. When I past the exact time I lost my first one, my husband and I started to let the fact we were having another baby finally start tosink in where we could enjoy it. Then everything changed.
I went for my doctor's appointment right before being 11 weeks along and the doctor couldn't tell if the baby was moving or not. So i had to go to the hospital to have a more extensive ultrasound done. There they discovered that my baby had stopped devloping around 9 weeks. My baby had died inside of me and for two weeks I had no idea. Here I was becoming excited about buying all the baby gear and looking at the calendar to see how far along i'd be throughout this year and all along my baby was gone. I don't know how to wrap my mind around this one. I am in completely shock. My husband and I were so scared from what happened before we didn't tell tell a living person except out immediate family members. I don't understand. I now have to go and get another D&C done for them to remove my baby and to be honest I think this is harder and worse than the first time. I feel like I just keep letting everyone down. My husband keeps telling me how much he loves me but how could he after I have now lost his second child? My heart is breaking.
I went for my doctor's appointment right before being 11 weeks along and the doctor couldn't tell if the baby was moving or not. So i had to go to the hospital to have a more extensive ultrasound done. There they discovered that my baby had stopped devloping around 9 weeks. My baby had died inside of me and for two weeks I had no idea. Here I was becoming excited about buying all the baby gear and looking at the calendar to see how far along i'd be throughout this year and all along my baby was gone. I don't know how to wrap my mind around this one. I am in completely shock. My husband and I were so scared from what happened before we didn't tell tell a living person except out immediate family members. I don't understand. I now have to go and get another D&C done for them to remove my baby and to be honest I think this is harder and worse than the first time. I feel like I just keep letting everyone down. My husband keeps telling me how much he loves me but how could he after I have now lost his second child? My heart is breaking.
Of course, you always have us, too. Your pain is very much understood here... take care.
I am so so sorry for your losses. Your experiences sound so similar to mine. I too had my first miscarriage in late September/early October and was pregnant again at the beginning of December. I had blood tests done early just before 4 weeks and my #'s were great and rising great, the doctor was optimistic. I started spotting at 4 weeks (very light) and continued to go for blood work, but my numbers were still more than doubling every 48 hours. I finally stopped spotting altogether a few days before my 6 week ultrasound. At the first ultrasound, they found embryo inside the uterus with a heartbeat - it was amazing, but the gestational sac was abnormal. I had to go back at 7 weeks for another ultrasound. At the 7 week ultrasound the gestational sac was still abnormal, and the ultrasound tech said that the baby's heart rate dropped to the 80's. The doctor said miscarriage was inevitable. I was devastated. I went back for a third ultrasound at 7 weeks 5 days so they could see if there was still any cardiac activity. To my surprise, the different ultrasound tech said that although the sac was still irregular, the baby's heart rate was perfect, in the 150's, and the baby was measuring perfectly. The reasoning they gave for the poor report at the last ultrasound was that because I am so petite, the ultrasound tech could've picked up my heart rate instead of the baby's. So, the doctor said that the good news was that the baby was still growing normal and looked healthy, but they were still worried about the sac.
I was to come back at 9 weeks for nurse appointment and then at 12 weeks for regular doctor appointment and my 4th ultrasound. At 10 weeks I was able to get into a clinic that was doing free ultrasounds - I wanted another look at my baby to see if he/she was still growing and if there was any progress with the sac. That was on Tuesday, the 18th. They found no heartbeat and baby was not measuring at 10 weeks, more like 8 weeks. I went to my regular doctor the next day to have this confirmed. My doctor said the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks and the sac was measuring 10 weeks. I was showing no signs of miscarrying on my own - no more bleeding, no cramping. So, they gave me a choice to do a D&C or wait it out for a little while to see if I would miscarry naturally. I was SO devastated by this time with the back and forth of everything, that I ended up deciding on a D&C - i just wanted everything to be over with. I had been going through the stress of thinking i was going to miscarry since 4 weeks and I just couldn't take it anymore. My surgery was on Thursday.
I had to share my whole story so you could see that you are not the only one. I KNOW that knowing that does NOT make things any easier. BUT, I do often find myself wondering "why me?" - when in fact, it is not "just me", but a lot of other women out there who have had to struggle with more than one pregnancy loss. It is just the worst feeling imaginable. I so sympathize with you when you are thinking that you are letting everyone down. I feeling like I'm a failure and I am disappointing everyone. I really feel like I am never going to be the one with a beautiful round pregnant belly and I feel like I am definitely not going to be the one holding my own precious child. It just seems hopeless. My husband keeps telling me that it will happen and we will try again, but I just don't know if I can handle going through this again. I really want to believe that my time, as well as your's, will come - but it just seems so far out of reach that it feels hopeless. I feel the same way you do about my husband's feelings towards me - we both have to trust in our marriage and believe that if the situation were reversed, we would not love our husband's any less - right? I know it's hard to believe these things - but trusting in our marriage and looking to our spouse for support to get through this hard time is so important and will only make our marriage stronger.
I am thinking about you and praying for you and hoping that we both have the faith and courage to get past this difficult time and that we both have the will to try again and that the next time we get pregnant we will both blessed with a healthy child. Please know that you sharing your story and me being able to relate to it has helped me.
I opted for a scheduled D&C and while waiting for that day, I wound up starting to miscarry on my own and had to go the ER where they did an emergency D&C.
I'm so sorry you are going through this again. ((HUGS))