I'm sorry for your loss, hun. Hugs to you
I cried for the first 2 months pretty close to once a day. For the first month, it was every day. It seems as if I have been sucked into this black void. If it weren't for my DF giving the okay for us to try again, I would probably be worse off. I am doing better now, still suffer from depression, but I have always suffered on and off from it. The M/C has just been a trigged for me. The gloomy weather doesn't help. It has been 4 months since my d&c. It my heart is still broken.
Try not too worry about how often you cry, because everyone goes through grief differently. Only you can know if it's too much. It does geta bit easier to breathe as each day passes. And no longer do I cry after seeing a pregnant belly or a small infant. Though it does spark jealousy, and bitterness.

Don't worry, if you need to cry then cry. I still find myself crying some days and even nights. I had three miscarriages last year - January, August and December and my husband and I don't have any children so this makes it even tougher. I have three great nieces with another one on the way and have a brand new niece and I find it very hard to be happy for them because I am struggling to stay pregnant. My nephew's wife will be giving birth in about 11 or 12 weeks and that would have been the time I would have given birth if I would have been able to carry to term.

My first two miscarriages lasted 6 1/2 weeks with my third lasting 8 weeks. The toughest part of that was going for an ultra sound and hearing the heartbeat and being told everything was fine and progressing very nicely and then 9 days later have a miscarriage. That was devastating.

So I do feel your pain and heart ache but also know that you are not alone. As stated before everyone grieves in their own way and if crying helps you get through it then do it. Do not try to be strong and hide how you are feeling - you need time to heal - mentally, emotionally, and physically. Your body went through a traumatic experience and your body needs that time and some does your mental state. If you don't take that time and heal in all aspects then you will not be any good to your daughter and she needs you as much as you need her right now.

Take the time and know there are hugs coming your way and prayers.

I suffered a MC of our first pregnancy in Nov 2011 at 9 weeks (found out at our 2nd apt) and am still trying for my 1st baby. I know from exerience that it's totally normal to feel this way. I still get emotional now, over a year later. Hang in there. Time does heal, but you'll ever be totally over it, and that's OK. I always feel like ppl think I should move on, or think that I should 'be over it'. But it was my baby, my loss, and I have accepted that it's ok to grieve for the rest of my life. No matter how long they were your baby, they were your baby and u loved them! I think it's the worst when I hear of so many other ppl being pregnant. Even if it's a friend or family member, it still stings. Just remember
"a person is a person no matter how small." Hugs.

zombieunicorn, babyhopeful and ejadep123,

Thank you so much for sharing your stories and for the reassurances. I am touched.

It helps just to know that others understand. I can relate to the feeling that others think you're supposed to "just move on". if it was that simple, i would :) Today was a much better day. My heart feels lighter today. I was doing seemingly well for a couple weeks and then it all came rushing back to me within the past week, which has been hard.

I was on here a couple weeks ago giving encouragement to others that each day does get better. And suddenly I found myself back in the place of overwhelming heartache again.

It helps to hear that even a year later it's still "normal" to get sad. That there is no timetable.

And I agree zombieunicorn that with the gloomy weather/history of depression, miscarriage can be a major trigger.

Thank you for the hugs and encouragement and for putting it in words that a person is a person no matter how small. I share that sentiment. Something about these little souls that touched our lives for such a brief time....they are actually larger than life and will never ever be forgotten.

Hi yes I can totally relate. I have 9 year old twins and a 5 year old. I lost what could have been our fourth child two weeks ago today.
I prayed and prayed I'd carry that child safely to term. I didnt care what gender, etc. etc. I just wanted him so badly once I found out I was pregnant. And then I lost him (her).
even my close friends are sort of telling me to just get over it and move on. I will move on, I will not get over it.
think we should all allow ourselves to grieve, and be kind to ourselves. We've suffered big losses -- and in fact its one of the most traumatic things I have been through.
Mine ended with a surgery to save my life. I know I couldnt carry an eptopic pregnancy. I had no choice. No one has a choice in misscarriage. Its so sad.
Anyway just know that you are understood.

Peace.

I just lost my 2nd child at 4 weeks, 4 days. It was so short, but I have painful periods of grief. I am not despondent in any way. I am grateful for my life and the wonderful gifts God has given (not least of which is my beautiful 1 year old little girl).

Nonetheless, that tiny baby was still my baby as much as Lori Jane was when she was 36 weeks in my womb. I can't stand that I didn't know whether it was a boy or girl....a child I will never hold.

It does help that I already have a child. I can't imagine losing so many babies with no children already in your arms (as a few of these ladies before me already mentioned). Do not feel wrong to cry. Those who tell you to get over it do not understand the meaning or significant of little tiny unborn babies, that there is real life inside us. It is precious life. They probably do not mean insensitivity, just that they are very ignorant.

my husband and i miscarried january of 2012 at 16 weeks.. that was possibly the worst mo ments of our life.. i dont even think seven weeks later i was functioning i was jsut numb... its alright to hurt its been a year for me and i still hurt.. we are still trying for our first.. its been a long road for my husband and i.. something that looks easy isn't for us.. the best thing i did to help heal was we planted a tree and some flowers in our backyard.. it gave me a place to go when i was hurting.. it gave me soemthing tangable to touch and look at.. healing takes time.. and if ive learned anything you never fully heal you just learn to live each day with that emotion.. i have a daughter i never met her but she is with me everyday... you just learn to smile and appreciate the time you had.. i promise it gets better..

Oh honey..."hug". There is absolutely NOTHING anyone can say or do to understand what you are personally feeling. I know with myself, I have had 3 miscarriages in one year. I took 2012 off from trying. I was rocked to the core, I went through extensive grief counseling and I still cry to this day. It's okay to feel loss and emotion. You have a right to grieve, don't let anyone take that away from you. The societal pressures are often placed by groups of people that have no clue what it's like to long for a child that they don't have.

To this day, I find myself having a difficult time being "happy" for people that can easily have children. I can't go to baby showers or first birthdays, it's too hard and I have the right to protect myself just as you do.

Regardless of when you loss took place, a life was still lost. It's not less tragic at 6 months than it is a 3 months or even 7 weeks. A loss is a loss. :/

One of the best pieces of advice I was given (and still sticks with me today is) "it never gets easy, but it gets less hard" It might not make sense now, but it will in time. "hugs" to you...

First off I'm sorry for your loss....... Unfortunately I know how you feel. Second, don't let other ppl, society or guilt dictate how you feel, or how you think you should feel. Grief is different for everyone. The best way I can describe it, is that it's a roller coaster, there are good days and bad days, ups & downs.

There are days when I wake up and know it's going to be a good day, I can feel it, I love those days, but unfortunately they are few and far between right now. Other days I know it's going to be a bad day and yet other days, I wake up not knowing which way it will go.

I've found for me that it works best to just succumb to the feelings - if I want to cry, then it's a full on, scream, bawl, lay in the fetal position and let it all out. If I want to be angry then I'm ranting/raving, letting it all out. And then when it's a good day, I laugh, smile and enjoy myself. No one gets to dictate how it's going to go, no one gets to tell me what is appropriate - it's about me and my healing.

And to let you know the timeframe - it's been going on like this for 3 months and I don't see it getting much different for a while. The typical triggers still affect me and prob will for a LONG time.

Another thing to think about, you had wanted, tried, planned for this child for a long time, had your dream start to come true, then lose your dream. Why wouldn't the "recovery" from your loss take just as long?

I will also say that it's very hard to have a handful of good days and then all of a sudden have a bad day - but I look back at other grief I've suffered through and know that I will heal, I will always hurt and remember this, but I will be ok. And so will you. Take care of yourself.

Words cannot express how very deeply I appreciate all of your responses. And for you sharing your stories and the ups and downs. I really liked the idea of planting a tree. We may do that in the spring.

My husband just ordered a necklace for me...I don't know what it is yet...but he had been looking for something for me to wear to commemorate this special little life. I look forward to having something tangible to wear.

I also framed the ultrasound photo of the pregnancy. The only day, of the many ultrasounds, that we had gotten very encouraging news.

My 7 year old daughter did not know about the pregnancy at all and still does not know. She knows I needed sudden surgery, but I've had surgery before in the past so this did not faze her too terribly. And we were able to get away with general answers.

It was sometimes temptjng to tell her what really happened, but I did not want to burden her with the loss of something (a sibling) that she never even knew she had. That was the only thing that held me back. Realizing that I probably would not have wanted to know this at age 7.

Anyway, on Christmas Eve she gave me a gift from her school's craft sale. I opened it up and it's a blue fleece blanket that is the most perfect size to cradle a newborn. I feel she was somehow lead (from heaven?.....The Other Side) to buy this for me. Even though consciously she wouldn't know why.

She doesn't know this either, but I later wrapped the framed ultrasound photo in this blanket and it's in my nightstand drawer. And when I feel I need to, I take it out..blanket and all and I hold it in against my chest like I'm holding a child.

It may sound crazy. And I feel slightly crazy doing it....and a little embarrassed to admit this.......but this is all I have (physically) of this child and it is of comfort to me.

I have been feeling lighter in my heart these last couple days and haven't had a need to do so. Nor have I cried too much the last couple days. I appreciate this breather and am just embracing it with all my heart because I don't know when another round of heavy sadness may return.

I also got a book out from the library on Grief and it helps me to feel understood and it gives small, manageable suggestions for each day.

I am trying to focus on the positive right now. I feel so blessed that I had this little life inside me, even though it was only for 9 weeks. I wouldnt' trade it for the world. If someone told me I could erase the entire experience so as not to go through what I am going through now, I'd decline that offer in a heartbeat.

I feel blessed and honored to have carried this life when I did and I am forever grateful for it. It has shown me the capacity of the heart to want, to love, and to hope.

I appreciated the comment too about how long we wait for this dream and so how can we expect to get over its sudden loss in a short time. Very true. Thank you for pointing that out.

I am grateful for all of you. For taking the time to share your hearts.

Caring like this is what makes the world go around.

Hugs to you all.

I had seen a necklace on a site somewhere, can't remember where, but I did a search with the words "necklace" "miscarriage" and this site seems to have quite a few to choose from. Or you could obviously do your own search, but there is a neat one with a circular disk that says "angel baby" on it and it has a birthstone to hang in the middle of the disk. Hope the link works for me to paste it here.

http://www.labelledame.com/miscarriagejewelry

I understand completely. Its been over a year since I lost my son and it feels like it was just yesterday. It gets a little easier day by day, but the loss of a child is something you will never fully recover from no matter how many other children you have. All you can do is try to stay positive and know that you will see your little angel again some day. God bless.