I so agree the first week after my miscarriage was my worst; dealing with loss and the hormones I was depressed to the point that my husband was worried I would do something too myself because the first week I didn't want to be on the planet anymore and would just stare into space; it was scary and I'm glad I reached out for help in that first week instead of drowning.

Thanks for posting this. I thought the part about the man's perspective on sex was good. Definitely describes my situation and we are working on it!

Yes and unfortunately mine took almost two weeks, I was just an emotional mess. Physically all of my symptoms stayed too, it was extremely difficult. I had even at times felt that there must of been a mistake, they just couldn't hear their heartbeat. But a few weeks later it finally came, still a few months later I'm still trying to fight my way out of the sadness though.

Does anyone know if your hCG level has to get to zero before you have your first period? I just had mine tested 3 weeks post-mc and it's still at 43. So they want me to come back at the end of this week for another beta test. I should be getting my period between this Friday (4 weeks) and 2 weeks from this Friday (6 weeks). But I am thinking it won't be coming this Friday if my hCG has to be zero before it will start the process....

I'm not sure the clinical answer to your hcg question, but I know for sure you can bleed (not sure if ovulation occurs) prior to getting your hcg down to 0. This happened with my first mc. It took almost 10 weeks after the mc was confirmed and started occurring for the hcg to get below 5 (which is what you are supposed to be to be considered 'not pregnant' anymore). The mc/bleeding occurred then 2 weeks later stopped. Then 4 weeks later I had a 'period'. Then another 4 weeks until I got the test result below 5.

My OB told me not to have sex between the mc being confirmed and my test result getting below 5 so that there was no confusion if I somehow got pregnant again...so I would think yes...

getting my first period after my miscarriage was extremely painful both emotionally and physically. as i went through having my period, i put together a list of the things that helped me and got me throught it, and i wanted to share it with you.

-first of all, for me and for others i've talked to, getting your period after losing your baby, especially your first period, is a very painful time both physically and emotionally. it is so hard to have your period when you should be pregnant. but have hope- it does get better in time. i think that we as women overall tend to put the needs of others before our own, and it's important during this time to put yourself first as much as you can, nurture yourself, be gentle with yourself, and reach out for support.

-heat!!! especially hot baths with epsom salts, candles, and music (alleviates cramps better than heating pads and relaxes me so much), heating pads of course- regular ones at home and the disposable ones that wrap around your waist or attach to your underwear (which you can find at any drugstore) when you're out

-my newly discovered miracle cure: i read that massaging the uterus stimulates blood flow and decreases cramping. i'd been having back problems, so i bought a percussion/vibrating massager with heat at the drugstore. i've been massaging my uterus, lower back, and thighs with it and it helps so much.

-exercise: now i really have never liked exercising, but on the advice of a friend who'd had a m/c i started taking long walks and doing yoga and it really helps

-eat something small every three hours to stabilize blood sugar- yogurt, whole grains, and fruit work best for me

-cut down on caffeine as much as possible

-there is empirical evidence that orgasms alleviate cramps and help mood (by releasing endorphins). this can be hard because sex can be emotionally laden, but it really does work. of course i'm not at all "in the mood" during this time so i have to just make myself do it, but it's worth it. it can be very difficult emotionally to be intimate with my partner, so if i'm not up for that a quick "do it yourself" does the trick.

-acupuncture and/or acupressue, which you can do yourself. great website:

http://www.herbalshop.com/Acupressure/Acupressure_49.html

-deep, slow breathing, progressive relaxation, guided imagery. great website:

www.umm.edu/sleep/relax_tech.htm#a

-writing in my journal, getting support from h, friends, and this group

-for anxiety, tension, irritability: in addition to the above, tea with kava or valerian (check for interactions with prescription meds), baths, if it's off the charts/so bad that you're actually having anxiety attacks, talk to your dr about taking a benzodiazapine as needed or a daily anti-anxiety med

-rest and take it easy to the extent to which that's possible

-for nausea, peppermint or ginger tea, dry toast, saltines. if it's really bad, prescription anti-nausea meds- zofran (orally disintegrating tablets if you can't keep it down) or phenergan (suppositories if you can't keep it down)

-pain relievers: motrin, naproxen, ponstel, celebrex, hydrocodone if all else fails

-supplements- multivitamin, calcium, magnesium, B6

-massage- helps both the physical and emotional difficulties

-for breast tenderness/pain: use ice packs, wear a sports bra, wear a soft bra to bed

-remind yourself that this will not last forever, and if you can survive the m/c you can survive this

ok i'm sure there are more things i'm not thinking of at the moment or don't know about, so i will leave it at this, and i really hope these things help you as much as they have helped me.

Emsa, thanks for such an informational post! I took a lot away from it.

I started my first post-mc period on Monday. Spotting on Sunday. My hCG on Tuesday was still 13 and was told I don't need to do another one.

It actually has been pretty normal, just a little more inconsistent in flow pattern. I had more back pain, but the cramping wasn't as bad as I expected it to be.

Emotionally, it's been tough. Here I am on day 4 and my anxiety just all of a sudden went up and I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I'm officially closer to being able to try again and right now the thought of that scares me to death.

I sure am grateful you gals post just what I need to hear when I need to hear it!!! It's been 4 weeks and 4 days since my last D&C and I'm anxiously awaiting my period. On Sunday, we're heading out for a boating/watersports vacation, so the sooner, the better. Like, today would be great.

I never had horribly symptomatic cycles. Maybe a day of bloat, stomach discomfort, and irritability, but that was it. I struggled with anxiety in college, but it dissipated when I cut out caffeine. My first D&C brought on such sudden anxiety attacks. I would just be talking to a coworker, or driving along, and BAM! Once I got that first period, they went away completely. Clearly, I'm susceptible to hormones and stimulants.

Two nights ago, I slept restlessly and had an anxiety attack in my sleep. It woke me up and kept me up long enough to make me too tired to go to the gym in the morning. Hopefully that's just the hormones working their way through my body and means things will resolve themselves soon. DH made sure I slept well last night and I even made it back to the gym today ;-)

Thanks so much for the link, SoMuchHoping, and the list of comforts, emsa! Some I knew about (big fan of heat) and others I did not. I also find chamomile tea very comforting for a yucky tummy in general.