Military Families Support Group
Today's military family faces a lifestyle that is comprised of frequent deployments, which results in increased family separations. This often proves to be a stressful challenge for military families. This community is dedicated to the families that are dealing with the unique challenges of distance and military-related stress.
Im wondering if anyone can offer me some sage advice on finding some balance in communicating with my SO who is currently in Afghanistan.
I totally get the deployment thing and Ive done it several times before. I was an Army wife for many years and have been through several deployments and schools with my ex husband. I can handle it in a healthy way, but this is something different. My now ex husband ended our marriage 5 years ago.
Which brings me to today. I am currently in a wonderful, healthy relationship with a man who just deployed to Afghanistan in March. He is so unbelievably kind, considerate, caring and communicative. All of the things my ex husband was not. Im so grateful to have him as part of my life. Like I said, i can so handle the deployment thing and have been doing fine with it. The communication between us is SO different. Im not trying to compare, but I guess I have been somewhat 'conditioned" in how I handled this with my ex husband.
I hear from my SO often through email messages and we keep the lines of communication wide open. What Im struggling with though..is how much I tell him. He wants to know all of the events of day to day life here and Im so willing to share those, but at the same time, when things get tough here like they did last week, how much do I tell him? He needs to focus on his job and his mission and I dont want to weigh him down, I try really hard to keep things light and positive, but if something not so great comes up here and I dont say something to him about it right away he seems to get upset because he wants to know.
Maybe I just shouldnt say anything at all? But then I feel that in a way I am not being completely communicative. What do you all do when things at home get a little crazy? I dont want him to feel as if I am keeping things from him, but I dont want to feel as if I am burdening him either. Balance, balance, balance. This is completely different this time around.... my ex husband really didnt give a shit about me or our son and didnt want to hear it anyways..so I learned how to keep my mouth shut. And now I have the opposite!! :)
I totally get the deployment thing and Ive done it several times before. I was an Army wife for many years and have been through several deployments and schools with my ex husband. I can handle it in a healthy way, but this is something different. My now ex husband ended our marriage 5 years ago.
Which brings me to today. I am currently in a wonderful, healthy relationship with a man who just deployed to Afghanistan in March. He is so unbelievably kind, considerate, caring and communicative. All of the things my ex husband was not. Im so grateful to have him as part of my life. Like I said, i can so handle the deployment thing and have been doing fine with it. The communication between us is SO different. Im not trying to compare, but I guess I have been somewhat 'conditioned" in how I handled this with my ex husband.
I hear from my SO often through email messages and we keep the lines of communication wide open. What Im struggling with though..is how much I tell him. He wants to know all of the events of day to day life here and Im so willing to share those, but at the same time, when things get tough here like they did last week, how much do I tell him? He needs to focus on his job and his mission and I dont want to weigh him down, I try really hard to keep things light and positive, but if something not so great comes up here and I dont say something to him about it right away he seems to get upset because he wants to know.
Maybe I just shouldnt say anything at all? But then I feel that in a way I am not being completely communicative. What do you all do when things at home get a little crazy? I dont want him to feel as if I am keeping things from him, but I dont want to feel as if I am burdening him either. Balance, balance, balance. This is completely different this time around.... my ex husband really didnt give a shit about me or our son and didnt want to hear it anyways..so I learned how to keep my mouth shut. And now I have the opposite!! :)
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
I would share what I resolved in a positive way, using humor, to show that I was handling it fine.
When I had to deal with a lawsuit, didn't share with him about the lawsuit itself until after we had the hearing.
It was better for me to know that I shared with him enough that he knew what was happening on the daily basis as it shows in your voice, your appearance, and how you present the information.
I did win the lawsuit.
When it came to the washing machine breaking down, it was after I finished the repair cleanup that I shared with him the whole story. I wasn't paying attention and put the whole bottle of detergent in the tub and the overflow gave me a shiny floor in three rooms by the time I wiped it all up with bath towels!
I found myself looking for newspaper articles I could share with him (on-line free newspapers help with this), and things that were happy, silly, and fun.
The choices we make while they are in a danger zone focused on their mission of responsibility, are made to help us stay positive, so it's a matter of keeping enough other information available on a basis that you can keep your eyes and face in a normal view.
Hope this helps.
Best wishes on a safe assignment and happy reunion!
I had a situation last week where i passed out at work due to dehydration and ended up wit a severe concussion. I am fine, and i dont want him to worry...but its things like that...that if I dont tell him, he would be upset. I ended up telling him a few days after it occurred and joked about it saying that I had a titanium skull and that I was fine and nothing to worry about.
I guess its just with this kind of thing that I am still learning to find the balance in it all. 4 months down, 8 to go. I just cant wait for R and R to get here!!!
the best thing is to tell him but also make him know that he can tell you everything as well, just remember there are some things he may not be able to tell you but what he does you need to remember that this is between your husband and you. Build on your relationship even though he is gone, never feel there is a limit to what you have to tell him, specially if he wants you too. Hope this helps