This will probably be long but I really need some advice and help.

My boyfriend of a year is my first relationship in 6 years. I am very independent and was very patient and picky with whom I gave my time and love to. I was not desperate and was fine on my own when he came along. But he is everything I have been looking for and loving him and being with him is so easy. We have no arguments really or nothing to fight about. Except for his baggage. 

He has been previously married, twice, to the same woman. They were young the first time, and got married because she was pregnent with his son. This was about 10 years ago. They divorced a year after his son was born. She cheated on him multiple times and was an all around money grubbing dependasaurous. Flash forward to about 2015 and she has been married again (to a navyman this time and had a son and then divorced him). They decide to give a relationship a try again and begin dating. During this time they find out he will deploy to Hondura in Sept. of 2015. He cosigns a vehicle for her to have for the kids, and marries her before he leaves so she has coverage. While he is gone she cheats again, doesn't tell him, buys with his cards weight loss surgary, takes the car they cosigned off her name, and buys herself a mustang, then tells him she doesn't want to be with him. He comes back in sept 2016 and moves out of house, into an apartment and they begin a week on week off deal with his son. 

I come into the picture february 2017. We started off slow, dates here or there, but it was just wonderful for us both and easy and so we made it offical march 12 of that year. The divorce is still in the process of being completed at this point (right now) and it is frustrating for me. The car he purchased for her, we found out last year that she stopped making payments while he was gone and deployed and it was put on hold, then picked up and repoed. Now he is responsible for the remaining balance, and she refuses to help. He deployed in January after we had started talking about the possibility of marriage after the divorce is finalized. He has no love for this woman after she did him like this, his anger is all focused on how is credit and financial future has pretty much been ruined. He took this deployment to help solve some of these issues. 

I love him, so much it hurts and I miss him terribly. I am suffering from depression from trying to deal with him being gone, still married so divorce is kind of stuck with him gone, her horridness to him and us, and his slow distancing while he is over there.

Is this normal, for them to get over there and clam up?

Our anniversary was a nightmare, he never wished it to me unless I told him and he would parrot it back. He has internet access daily, so doing something special for me would not have been so difficult. He got me a shirt.

A shirt for our anniversary, and granted it represented our first date, but he knew it was lame when he got the box I sent him for our anniversary, and he said it was so awesome. His own words were, "Wow your gift makes mine look like a red lobster mint". If you knew it was lame, why not do something more? Instead of just giving up? I know he is stressed with the heat and the sand and the long shifts and all the shit with his ex wife soon to be that he has going on, plus the car issues with the lawyers and his divorce lawyers. I am doing everything to make him feel loved, appreciated, and important to me to help ease his stress. I signed him up for every free care package offered and have already sent him like 3 boxes and working on a fourth. 

But since he left, he has mostly told me he loves me in a parrot back to my "I love yous". He has not really been thankful (outside of my goading him on his feelings on the box) of what I have sent, nor has he done or said anything to show any kind of love or appreciation for what I do or am doing. The shirt was just kind of just the cream on the top. 

I am not intersted in advice to leave him, I won't do that while he is deployed, we will definitely need to talk about our relationship and how we can continue this when he returns, but I do need advice on how to hadle my own depression in this mess of a situation and someone to advice on his point of view to help. Am I being selfish in this? Are my feelings ok? I feel guilty being hurt, not truly understanding all he is going through over there. I just... I need to feel loved and appreciated too and I am not feeling that . I feel it very little, 

and it sucks.