Have you tried Topamax? That is the only thing that relieved my 20 year long non-stop migraine.

Nevermind about the Topamax, I saw on another post that you have tried that. I'm so sorry about all of your pain. I hope you can soon find relief.

Dan,
You seem like such a nice, fun guy. Clearly, your migraines are giving you tremendous pain.

Perhaps it is time to talk to a doctor about medication for depression, what do you think?

I hope you are DEMANDING pain medication, that is what it is there for and good luck.

When I was at my worst, before I found out eggs are a major trigger for me, I used to have some weird "waking dreams" that I had a hard time distinguishing from reality. Sometimes it was like I was living in two worlds, mechanically dealing with one but living on the emotions of the other. (Maybe that's where the sci-fi idea of parallel worlds came from!) Surely if you've decided to see this life out to its natural end you shouldn't be thinking about death, but rather about improving life. You talked about triggers in an earlier post. Could you have encountered or developed a new one that's causing your unwanted thoughts of death?

you are not alone in thinking this. i have had thoughts like that myself, b/c i suffer from miagraines and i also have a terminal brain tumor, they are related. but i think it is best if you try and talk to someone about it. it can't hurt, just find someone you can trust.

I do the same things. I often think about driving the car off the road or off a cliff. Not that I would... I always think, "You know you'd screw it up and just ruin your car or have worse symptoms and pain."

Anyway! I'm here to say that I'm beginning to realize that every time I start to think that way, I need a pain pill! I'm realizing too that I need a pain pill when I become angry at small things--the "real" me doesn't sweat the small stuff. The "in super pain" me hates everyone, everything and roars!

I'm having some luck with Gabapentin. I'm up to 1600mg, 3x a day. I also take 100mg of amitriptyline at night--I need more of it, but I am so dry when I take more. Sucks the moisture right out of me! Like it's got a straw...

I used to be sucidal becauase of my pain or circumstance in life until I realized something. No one else can control my feelings, but I can. People can't "Make" me mad, I decide to get mad or not and it's the same thing with other emotions. And those other people are deciding their emotions too. It used to be that everytime something would go wrong I would think, Oh I just wish I was dead. It almost became a matra. I had to actually stop myself mid thought and say no, that's not what I want and continue to do that until my mind didn't automatically go straight to that thought.

I've beat it for going on 15 years now and I try to tell people how easy it is to deal with once you figure that out and re-train your mind to quit thinking that way. I don't know if I'm always believed when I tell people that, but I know I'm right because I did it.

I've begun to wonder if it might be possible to do the same thing with some of my pain issues. I mean I know that I probably won't be able to stop my nerve damage pain or the pain from my shoulder dislocating everytime I move it wrong, but who knows, it might help with some of the other things, or even releave ANY pain I have. Do you think it's possible that "Mind Over Matter" might actually be able to help more than medicine???? I know prayer works, is it connected??? It's something for us all to think about at the very least. I've seen people do some amazing things just thru force of will. Like the story of the Mother lifting the car off her son and holding it up until help arrived? I think that it might even be possible for our minds to heal our bodies - (course I don't expect the Government or Pharmaceutical companies to look into that too much, they'd lose too much money, and Money makes the world go round - right?)

Anyway, my whole point is: Don't give up, and fight the hardest when you feel the weakest. Live your life the best way you know how and do your best to deal with all the obstacles in the way to the best of your ability. Even if nothing changes, you will know that it's not from lack of trying and that will be a comfort to you.

Sorry I know I went off on a tangent there. I hope it helps someone though. Don't ever give up and always look for the Positive, it helps keep the Negative at bay :)

Tami - KCMO

Hi well i know how you feel. I get headaches/migraines everyday. I also have Multiple Sclerosis and never got headaches like this until i was diagnosed. I can imagine that you have tried absolutely everything. If you have any other symptoms other than the headaches make sure you tell you doc as it could be something else. Cold packs and asprin help mine. I am also on very strong opiates aswell.
I wish you luck in getting rid of your headaches i have not had any luck with mine yet. If i ever do i will surely let you know as it is not a nice way to live.

HI

So sorry, but can relate. I can control my migraines with meds, but not my depression of over 20 years. Between migaines, depression, anxiexy..just to name a few I have thought about death...I don't want to die..I just want it all to go away so I can live.

Try to get some pain killers, a good Dr. to work with would see you need them.

Good luck to you

My Dad used to say he felt like that when he had migraines. He had them for years, and then when he was around 50 he started getting severe ones. He went to every specialist around and had a ton of tests and it turned out that he just had severe cluster migraines and eventually he had to be admited to the hospital to be anesthetized for a week. They did this to stop the cycle of the migraines he was getting day after day, and because he felt suicidal because of the intense pain. During that time specialists worked on his case and prescribed Lithium carbonate, which stopped the migraines immediately. He took it while being closely monitored with blood work, and when he was on it, he never suffered another migraine. After about 10 years, the Doctors weaned him off of it and now he may get a headache once in awhile, but never like he did and never as severe. Now they are just an occasional regular headache. I don't know if this information helps but sometimes you just have to push the medical system until they help you, there is no need to end your life or put up with the pain. Be stubborn and tell them that there are things that they can do, if one Dr cannot solve it, there is definitely another one that can. I suffer with migraines also, but not the severity like my Dad, but mine are at least 3 times a week sometimes.

Rose

I just wanted to add that just because you are having suicidal feelings due to the migraine pain, does not mean you are depressed or have a mental disorder. What people do not realize is the pain is so bad that anyone in your condition at that time would think the same thing. It is excruciating. All I am saying is that there is an answer and no one should have to put up with that degree of pain. Seek the right MD.

Rose

Dan- I can't tell you how much I can relate to this. There is not a single medication that my docs have tried me on that works for my migraines. I wake up and go to bed with a migraine every single day. I can't remember when I had a day without pain. It has been years. Which makes for very long days because I not only have migraines but I also have fibromyalgia. I can also relate to feeling like I don't care if I live or die (don't worry my therapist knows) but also wouldn't do anything about it. I wish you luck and hope you have success in treating your migraines.

I can relate with your story. I once asked my stepson, at about age 14, to get a gun and shoot me. Thankfully, we didn't have any weapons in the house or he probably would have happily accommodated my wishes. Please try to get a blood test and see if you have "thick blood". I am on Heparin twice daily, under my tongue. NO MIGRAINES in 3 months. I was treating everyother day with Axert. I have had Migraines for 47 years and this is the best treatment ever. It is not mainstream, but my pain doctor would talk to your doctor, if necessary. Try it, please.
Ali

I saw that you avoided nuts - what other foods have you tried avoiding? What about hormonal testing? Have you ever seen a chiropractor?

I'm so sorry you're suffering so much. I honestly think that there HAS to be that one trigger we all have to find. I read the book, Heal your headache : the 1-2-3 program for taking charge of your pain by David Buchholz, and his description of how/why migraine happens just clicked for me. I don't know if it would help you. But I do know that I found some surprising nasty little triggers that I could control, so that the ones I can't (like hormones and weather) made them less severe and less often.

I do hope you find the solution!