I am also a I.E.P kid peeps waited way ta long ta tell me i wuz mmr i knew der wuz sum ding wrong wiz me but nebr cold figure it out den wen my peeps told me i wuz so mad i mean diz coulda help me ta now its wuz my brain messin wid me an dats y i wuz so difent den my friends i say u say we need ta talk he maybe mad or releived ta know dat der iz a reson hes so dif an it not hiz fault

Hi pupwolf,

thank you so much for your honest reply. I think you are right. I think I need to tell him. My friend gave me some good advice. She said I could make a doctor's appointment and have a family meeting with the doctor to discuss his test results with him. I am so scared he will be hurt. I know he knows something is different about him. I want him to know so bad that it is not his fault. I feel like crying because I feel, I feel like I just want everything to be o.k. for him and to know he is going to be happy. That is all I ever wanted for him, to be happy. I thank you again for your advice, you are very wise.

Our family just went through this. My daughter is 18. All her life I told her she had "special needs" and that she just "learns differently, a little bit slower." I did this because I worried about her self esteem. I can tell you about our situation...maybe it will help.
I just obtained guardianship of my daughter and I had to tell her because she had testing and questions. I explained her diagnosis by trying to get her to relate...the term gay used to mean happy. society changed that to what it is today. A heart attack is also called a myocardial infarction. I told her there are terms that mean the same thing but have a much longer word in the "medical field." So, mildly mentally retarded just means that she learns a little bit slower and she is still perfect. I also explained that in order to get her the help she has had since preschool, she had to have a label to make sure she was getting the kind of help she needed. So, in essence, for all intense purposes it is just a label. She seemed to understand this. I don't know if keeping it was a good thing or a bad thing, but that's what we did. Good luck, I will be curious to know what you decided to do in your situation.

Kristina!! Thanks so much for your reply! I check this post almost every day and barely anyone is on this support group! I also belong to the depression support group and there are posts almost every hour...so different than this support group...so thank you for answering me. I feel so isolated when it comes to my son because I don't know anyone who can relate! I'm glad that every thing worked out when you explained things to your daughter. I worked up the courage to tell my son that he has an intellectual disability. I never used the label mmr. I couldn't bring myself to actually say those words. I'm not sure now would be the appropriate time to go back and clarify my terms with him because I think he is still grappling with what I told him about being ID. He actually took it way better than I thought he would. At first he asked if he was stupid or "retarded" you know how kids say it these days as a put down. I told him about the testing he had done in the spring and how it revealed his ID. I wanted him to know because his schedule at school was going to look a lot different this year with the new label. He is now with kids for part of the day that have much more profound disabilities than he does so I knew he was going to have questions. At first he was a little angry and said in a half joking way "ok, now which one of you dropped me on my head as a baby, you or my dad??!!" We both kind of chuckled after that and reassured him that it was no ones fault but this was just the way he was made. He seems happy and confident with his new type of classes as I am sure he feels much less pressure and anxiety throughout the day. He is still sassy as hell at home and my husband and I are at our wits end trying to figure out the best way to discipline him, nothing seems to work. Is your daughter rebellious? How is she around the family? Does she have friends her own age? Does she have a job? What are her interests? I'm so sorry for all the questions, I'm just desperate to reach out to a parent who is going through the same thing I am!! I feel like I have just won the lottery with your reply because it means there are actually moms out there I can talk to! You see we just got this diagnosis in the spring so the label is new to me. Deep in my heart I think I always knew but was too afraid to push for the real answer. You can read some of my other posts to get a better understanding of why it took so long to get this label. Take care Kristina and hope to hear from you soon. Colleen

I have a 13 year old daughter that we adopted at age 5. She has mr, adhd, and is bipolar. Sadly, she is a self-harmer and has started becoming more aggressive towards other people. Tonight is a bad night because he has raged and broke up the bathroom, refused to take her meds and caused such a violent evening that the rest of the kidos are scared.
It is getting to the point that we are trying to help her understand her diagnoses. She wants to learn to drive, and do all the other things that young children do. It has been a difficult process. She will seem to understand, but then the very next day it is like the conversation never happened...and we have to deal with it all over again.
Her aggressiveness is overwhelming. She is getting to a point that I can't restrain her anymore. I am praying that God shows some path somewhere, because sometimes it feels like I am going crazy. She wants the dynamics of the house at an extremely high level and she will do whatever she needs to in order to get it there. I'm also frustrated with the entire mental health system! In the area that we live our only option is to call the police for help, because there is not one single agency that will come and help when she is raging. No parent wants to call the police on their child.
I'm sorry...I was just so excited to find other parents with kinda these issues that I needed to vent....thanks for listening!
lisa

Just noticed I answered another post from you. The term MMR or (mental retardation) is never used anymore. Instead it is a mild cognitive disability. Still, beginning around the age of middle school children must attend all IEP meetings and your child must have an IEP. Therefore, he should be more aware than you think of what is going on.

Also, as a special ed teacher - I hate labels and what is the point anyway - except for to receive the funding, placement, etc. A learning disability is very different from mild cognitive disability which is different from many other "labels". Still, I have know (and had) students with a low IQ who did far better in school and work, etc. than some students with average or above average IQ or had another "label" placed upon them.

If you saw the type of IQ tests that were given to give these labels you would see that there are may different tests and I have seen students whose IQ have changed significantly depending upon who gave the test and when it was given. You can take the same test results from one district to another and get a different "label" depending upon who is "reading" the test results.

There are many very successful adults who have had extreme difficulty in school because of one reason or another. I have had students who supposedly had similar IQ's yet their knowledge and ability to learn was night and day.

I see no reason to tell your son anything more than he already knows - which is that he is in special ed. to get extra help. If there is some advantage - such as additional benefits through the school system or social security - then I would use the word mild cognitive delay - but I'd stay away from MMR.

I also used to work in special ed in Canada. We havent used the mmr word in years! That is so 1980's.

I wouldnt use mmr either. We use intellectual/cognitive disability. On the IEP the term used is cognitive exceptional.