Menopause Support Group
Menopause is the physiological cessation of menstrual cycles associated with advancing age. It normally occurs in women between the ages of 45 and 55, when the body begins to slow and stop the production of eggs, estrogen and progesterone production decreases, and menstruation diminishes, eventually stopping altogether.
Those of you who've known me these past...what..10 years or so, know how I've posted many discussions and journal entries of my peri-menopausal, menopausal, and now post-menopausal experiences. These include feelings of going crazy, total lack of being able to see the joy in my life, weeks and weeks of lack of energy, the emotional rollercoaster, feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness, anger at what I'd become compared to what I was, the GID, panic attacks, screaming yellow headaches, etc.....you know all the symptoms. You get them, too.
I have my own private journal that I've kept partially for venting, and partially for keeping track of how bad I felt when, and what I did or took for it, in hopes to find ANY kind of pattern, or proof of remedy. They are simple lined 4 1/2x7" notebooks, and I am on my seventh volume.
As I open the latest one, I can see that, unlike the earlier notebooks that had entries practically every day, the latest one shows a gradual lengthening of spans of time between entries. Since I only write in it when I feel bad (or I felt bad earlier and it got better) that means that the number of Good Days is increasing. For example, early June shows an entry every 1-2 days, but between June 22 and July 4...nothing.
That means I had ALMOST 2 WEEKS of feeling, if not Good, then at least OK!! And if I look a little further back, there are periods of 3 days here and 5 days there of no entries.
It's going away....OMG, it's going away! It's doing it slowly...naturally; it wouldn't just stop BLAM, like that. But even without looking at the journal, I can FEEL that I have more time between Bouts, which gives me more time to RECOVER from one Bout before the next one hits...
....and even the mornings; for years it seemed that my mornings would mean that as I gain consciousness, I would immediately get assaulted: physically by GID, headaches, incredible body aches and fatigue, emotionally by overwhelming sadness and depression (if I was lucky, it wouldn't spread to my mental state where I'd start to feel loony and scared). So every morning began with a Fight; me Fighting off at least the emotional bad stuff. I'd lay there, repeating to myself: "I'm fine, I'm fine, it's going to be a good day, I love my husband and child, I'm fine...etc." Sometimes it would work, and sometimes it wouldn't.
I've done that practically every morning for literally years, ladies, and this morning...I didn't have to do that! Nor did I do it yesterday, or the day before!
So I'm here to give all you, my sisters, going through the s**t that is the curse of our gender, our payment for being the more intelligent sex, I am writing this to give you all HOPE! IT WILL GO AWAY! I know that when you're in the middle of it, it doesn't seem like it will ever end, but it will! I beg of you to be GOOD to yourselves while you fight your battle. Do NOT beat yourself for not being perfect. You need to Nurture yourself like you would nurture a sick child. You wouldn't expect a kid with the flu to be doing their chores and their homework, or go to soccer practice...you give them comfort, let them rest, hold them and tell them that everything will be fine. You'd do this for a child, so now do this for yourself. Surround yourself with colors and music and people and things that make you happy. Loosen your schedule; if things happen, they happen, and if they don't, the world will not fall apart. Accept the fact that you are INVOLUNTARILY unreliable at this point in your life, and when you get through this, you will be back, baby!
.....and you WILL get through this, friends! If any man had to go through this, they wouldn't last, but we are much stronger than any of them!
I PROMISE you: your suffering will be over, and you will look back at what you survived through and say "Damn! I'm effing INCREDIBLE!!"
I have my own private journal that I've kept partially for venting, and partially for keeping track of how bad I felt when, and what I did or took for it, in hopes to find ANY kind of pattern, or proof of remedy. They are simple lined 4 1/2x7" notebooks, and I am on my seventh volume.
As I open the latest one, I can see that, unlike the earlier notebooks that had entries practically every day, the latest one shows a gradual lengthening of spans of time between entries. Since I only write in it when I feel bad (or I felt bad earlier and it got better) that means that the number of Good Days is increasing. For example, early June shows an entry every 1-2 days, but between June 22 and July 4...nothing.
That means I had ALMOST 2 WEEKS of feeling, if not Good, then at least OK!! And if I look a little further back, there are periods of 3 days here and 5 days there of no entries.
It's going away....OMG, it's going away! It's doing it slowly...naturally; it wouldn't just stop BLAM, like that. But even without looking at the journal, I can FEEL that I have more time between Bouts, which gives me more time to RECOVER from one Bout before the next one hits...
....and even the mornings; for years it seemed that my mornings would mean that as I gain consciousness, I would immediately get assaulted: physically by GID, headaches, incredible body aches and fatigue, emotionally by overwhelming sadness and depression (if I was lucky, it wouldn't spread to my mental state where I'd start to feel loony and scared). So every morning began with a Fight; me Fighting off at least the emotional bad stuff. I'd lay there, repeating to myself: "I'm fine, I'm fine, it's going to be a good day, I love my husband and child, I'm fine...etc." Sometimes it would work, and sometimes it wouldn't.
I've done that practically every morning for literally years, ladies, and this morning...I didn't have to do that! Nor did I do it yesterday, or the day before!
So I'm here to give all you, my sisters, going through the s**t that is the curse of our gender, our payment for being the more intelligent sex, I am writing this to give you all HOPE! IT WILL GO AWAY! I know that when you're in the middle of it, it doesn't seem like it will ever end, but it will! I beg of you to be GOOD to yourselves while you fight your battle. Do NOT beat yourself for not being perfect. You need to Nurture yourself like you would nurture a sick child. You wouldn't expect a kid with the flu to be doing their chores and their homework, or go to soccer practice...you give them comfort, let them rest, hold them and tell them that everything will be fine. You'd do this for a child, so now do this for yourself. Surround yourself with colors and music and people and things that make you happy. Loosen your schedule; if things happen, they happen, and if they don't, the world will not fall apart. Accept the fact that you are INVOLUNTARILY unreliable at this point in your life, and when you get through this, you will be back, baby!
.....and you WILL get through this, friends! If any man had to go through this, they wouldn't last, but we are much stronger than any of them!
I PROMISE you: your suffering will be over, and you will look back at what you survived through and say "Damn! I'm effing INCREDIBLE!!"
Also, I can't stress enough that you -we- have to be Good to ourselves.
Yesterday, I didn't follow my advice. I was very, very tired, but I had to go to do a blood test. I arrived early, so I shopped a bit, did the test, and decided that, since I was already out, I'd walk around and do some more shopping. I had lunch with a new friend who works in that area, then did some more walking around before going home, taking a brief nap, made dinner, then stayed up late watching tv with my DH.
Today, I am sorry: the morning started with GID, head- and body aches, incredible fatigue. Then I started thinking about how I met my friend's mom yesterday, and then had to fight hard not to go down the "If only my mom were still alive" path, which leads straight to Depressionland for me.
I should've gone right home to rest immediately after the appointment, but I was really glad to have lunch with my friend, so I should've gone home right after lunch, or at least not stayed up late...
...but I did not listen to what my body needed; I was not Good to myself. Thus I spent all day today nursing a headache and sleeping on the couch. It's now 6:30 pm and I'm just starting to feel okay again.
Lesson learned. Be Good to myself...this means listening to what my body, mind, and spirit need.
Be Good to yourselves, ladies!
Thank you Mkal for your helpful and hopeful posting. It is very hard to go through this and your post really helps in knowing that it will end. I am thankful for this site. Have a great day everyone!
As a matter of fact, when I do feel good, It's like a miracle. and it never lasts an entire day.
I plan to heart to heart it with my doc at my next check up. I haven't had a period since March 2009 and this is for the birds. Had my head in the fridge last night.