Every year on boxing day (day after xmas)we have hosted a party for my family and husbands family. This year people are very upset beacuse i have cancelled. its too much for me, this year as i have hospitalised 5 times. Yet still getting phone call with family saying well it wont be the same and cant i change my mind.

I'm know i will end up changing my mind cause i know am not strong enough!

Ann

Just say I would love to but being hospitalized so many times this year has taken a toll on me.I m sorry your dissapointed so I am. I wish it were different.You must take care of yourself. No one can do that for you but you.

All I can think to say is, good for you. Your family needs to understand your limitations and they know you have been hospitalized five times this year, don't they? I would think a little compassion on their part is in order. Stick to your guns, sweetie. You know what you can handle and what you can't. Blessings to you.
peace and love ... Kyle Anne

I totally agree with Jewels. I have become the same way since getting sick and seeing how "giving & doing" for others negatively affects ME....Not them....It took me a long time to get here. But, now I am so happy that I can say, "No, not feeling up to it" without feeling bad or guilty. I have also tried my hardest to eliminate stressfull relationships which means I dont have many friends. I dont deal well with drama. Stress affects me physically, and honestly, I rather be in a bubble with my husband and son feeling as good as possible, then a social butterfly with lots of friends and sick from them/it.

Luppy.....My family is Canadian so I know all about Boxing Day. Why dont you just tell them that you have decided your going to hit the mall for some bargain shopping instead of partying (and boy have I gotten some bargains there)????LOL...You need a new wardrobe and it does only come once a year...Do you think that would work? Or, maybe they would all want to tag along and then it would backfire! If you havent noticed, I have a sarcastic style of humor ") Honestly though, you really shouldnt be having the party due all you have been through. Is it possible for one of your other family members to have it this year so you can come and go as you please? It certainly wouldnt be as stressful for you.....Wouldnt you think that one of them would suggest that? Just seems like common sense and courtesy to me from your family knowing what you have been through.

BTW. Where are you in Canada? My family is in Toronto (North York). Just curious.
Hugs and feel better,
melissa

Great post and excellent summary! I think my biggest obstacle is myself! I still have a difficult time staying within my limits. I've always had a hard time saying "no" and I too am a very giving person. The nature of my profession is such that I "get the life sucked out of me" as I deal with psychiatrically unstable children and adolescents. Most of my family is understand-
ing of my disease but it is still hard for me to accept at times. Thanks for your post, have a wonderful holiday xoxoLyn

I too had to learn not to put other's first. I used to be the first one that everyone called when they needed help and now I cannot be the "go-to" person. It was very difficult at first, but I have been feeling a lot better by changing this. I also had to rid myself of very negative people. It used to be that I would try to give them a different outlook, but now I just have to let them go. Both of these things have made a huge difference in my health. Another thing that I had to learn was to not sweat the small stuff. I used to be a perfectionist, my home, my car, everything had to be perfectly clean; now I have to let some of it go. I used to travel to West Ky. a couple of times every year so that my son would be able to see his family, but the long drive and the food choices are not good for me so I had to cancel those trips. To my surprise, everyone is making plans to come and see us.

Interesting post! I use to host the parties also. Now, if someone invites themselves to Thanksgiving, say, I let them know that we would be happy to meet them at a restaurant to celebrate together, or I would be happy to bring whatever dish they want to their home to celebrate. It has worked out well.

Thanks, ladies so much my hubby says he will do all the explaining but i don't hold out much for that he hates confrontations.
Yes they all know the amount of times i have been admitted. but people like tradition Melissa I'm from South Yorkshire England.

thank you for your suggestions my mother-in law asked me to hers but my hubby wont go as she a terrible cook! so we will visit her then go home and lock the door and pretend to be out LOL.

thanks again guys you're great! Sleepy T i might just bring Hubby favorite beef dish to his mothers, that will keep him happy.
Xmas will be much better knowing i have you guys to talk to x

Ann

Hi Luppy,
Oops,,,,I was far off from where you live. I guess it makes sense that boxing day is in the UK as well "). My hubby and I took our honeymoon in England. What a wonderful place. I cant wait to go back and visit the country side. And, I think I could easily live there as I LOVE the rain!!!
Sorry about the mistake ")
Melissa

Thats ok! wish i lived in Canada, what a terrfic places never been but would like to.
Btw its rain all day today you would have loved it!

i learned that I owe it to myself to take care of my body, thru exercise,eating organic and greens that I would otherwise not eat. I learned that being healthy with lupus means making sacrifices and denying oneself of too much tasty food like sugar and french fries that are so totally wrong for you!I also learned not to stress myself out and that when it gets too hot..get out of the kitchen!!

HALLELUIAH TO YOU GIRL. I 200% embrace the very same attitude as you. And, like you, my life is almost fabulous because of that type of lifestyle. If anything it's made the whole family/friend/life thing ten times better all the way around.
Good for you, love to read this.

I have a question....Do any of you now have a harder time & less patience dealing with people who complain about really minute issues since having health problems? I am a very positive person (normally towards others, not myself, of course)but find that I dont have alot of tolerance with people who go on and on about silly things to me. I have no problem listening to peoples problems, but when my support and understanding seems to go in one ear and out the other, and the complaining continues, I seem to want to clip them out of my life....Anyone else feel this way? Any suggestions? Mind you, I have/will never tell anyone that I think their problems are silly compared to mine. I just stuff it and smile.
Melissa

Our boys say "eat concrete and harden the @!&* up" when someone whines over petty stuff. I don't appreciate the expletive but it does make me smile when they say it. I guess hardship is all relative...I am a great avoider of people who give me grief, I take our dogs and walk off the tension or retreat to my garden, my books or quilting. It also helps having a partner who understands your limitations/quirks (fortunately I do...the man has the patience of a saint!)

Hi Luppy,

Stick to your decision. There are obviously other people, why not suggest one of them play host? After all, it sounds as if you have for a long time. It isn't always easy I know, but after the year you've had, the stress/time and energy needed wouldn't be fair.

Hope you have a good xmas and boxing day though.

Merry meet
Mickey