I totally know howand what you are feeling. MY mo just passed away 3 weeks ago. She had lung cnacer, and the pain was excruciating.
We finally had her admitted onto hospice and were really glad we did. They introduced themselves, talked to her, asked her about her fears, beliefs, everything.
If it weren't for them, my mom would have died in extremempain, and had no dignity to follow her to Heaven gate.
Hospice is a whole new world to you and your mom. If you try it, and still dont like it, just change back. Easy as pie.
I hope you try though.
Best of luck.
Your mom needs rest and relief now. Ask her what she thinks.
Hugs
Nean

Thanks for your reply. I can barely get through the day. All I think about is being by my Mom's side. I am 5 hrs away & don't have much vacation time left to take off from work. Mom was diagnosed in 2000 & has had 3 rounds of Radiation & Chemo. She's had 6 good years. She is now 94 lbs & declines anymore treatment. She said she's ready to go. Perhaps I am selfish? I 'm not ready to say goodbye. She's my best friend.

Nanayay-

You should without question, go be with your Mom. However, if you cannot, she WILL understand.

You do not want any regrest later in life though, do you?

You are eligible for FMLA (family medical leave act....unpaid) and are guaranteed your job upon return.

You should also have accrued sick time which you can use to care for an ill family member.

Either way, I am sure if you talk to someone in HR at your company that will see that you get the time off you need.

It should not have to be one or the other.

Let me know how it turns out.

I will pray your Mom goes peacefully.

Martha

Mi Dad Died Of Lung Cander In 2005 I was only 10 and i was holding his hand wen he died

My mom just got diagnosed last April. She smoked 2 packs a day for over 60 years. Dam cigarettes!

My father passed away from lung cancer when I was 16 years old, and I had to watch him decay and become another person. I understand completely.

From my experience, the best thing you can do for her is to simply spend time with her. Even if you have to take her to Hospice, spending time with her is more important than just taking care of her. Dying is a combination of fear, wonder, and disconnection. She needs someone to be close to her during this time, and that will help more than anything you could get for her, or do for her.

I, myself, am dying, so please take my word for it.

My husband of 59 years has terminal lung cancer. It had spread when they found it so he declined any treatment. His doctor asked me what I thought and I said it is his dicision. He said he agreed.

The hospice nurse comes twice a week and they take care of most all his medicines, of course medicare pays them for that.
I told them I want to keep him at hime as long as I possably can. They said they would bring a hospital bed when it is needed.
I think you have to let them go in thier own way. My husband said when the time comes he can't go to the bathroom and take care of himself , then he does not want to live. What ever he wants I agree with. This is something every person has the right to decide for themselves.
I am a strong advocate of a persons right to die with dignity. At my age I have seen way many friends and relatives who were kept alive with machines and watched the hell they and their loved ones went through during this time of waiting and watching but not wanting to let go.

my dad passed away August 11th 2007.. he had a sore shoulder and was a typical man that did not go to or like drs. I made him go in did x rays and went back to dr (my dr we went to) and they say oh we found something on your lung.. ct scan and lung specialist the week after.. bone scan may 10th and lymph node biopsy and gastroscpy on the 11th we were ready to leave when he woke enough and the nurse comes in and says the drs wanna talk to us... the dr cam and said you have non small cell carcinoma stage 4 it is in lymph nodes and bones : collar, colavical, shoulder, left and right hip, lumbar, 4 ribs, knees and right foot.. he lived 3 months to the day.. i quit my job and moved back in with him (i am 23 been on my own 5 years) Did this kind of thing with my grams 8 months prior not lung cancer but just as bad.. I was his primary care giver he had to have shots every 2 hrs and i did it all.. had nurses come in once every other day.. my dad smoked... it was not all the ciggs fault.. for this cancer that is.. we asked if he should quit or cut down and they just said why?.. it isn't going to change anything it was too far gone.. i had a friend of mine who's friend has this same cancer and she never smoked a day in her life.. so there are many reasons one could get lung cancer not just from smoking.. my dad smoked after we found out but not very much as he slept a lot.. but when he couldn't even hold it i would help him.. cause that was what he wanted.. i could have said no.. but it was what he wanted

i'dont know... just found out friday all test point to it tomorrow doing biopsy to comfirmed it.. not 100% sure. i have bp finding it hard to deal with it she been living with me for 3 years...i'm taking meds to deal with ...with out meds streams of tears roll down my face and i can't stop it...everybody thinks it going to be alright but deep down i know it's no good...just needed to talk thanks...

I have sympathy for you and in certain ways understand what you are going threw. My mother has hospice in and her liver is shutting. I live at home and actually just lost my job just before Halloween. I am thankful that I have the chance to be here and help take care of her. Let hospice in and help you and your family. The group of nurses that we have working with us are amazing and am VERY thankful. Also helps my mom cause she doesn't have her daughter or husband wiping her butt, or having to bath her. It gives her, her privacy and she will be thankful for it.

My Gram just died in May of lung cancer, she only knew for and had to battle it for 5 weeks, Hospice came in to her house set up her hospital bed, oxygen tank, wjeel chair and made sure she had her meds and was comfortable, she died 4 hours later. In comfort. My opinion: come home if you can and let Hospice help. You can be there for her and maybe not be completely emotionally and physically drained.

i would never let my mother die in that f--king hospital, at any cost she will die in my home...

i completely understand where your comming from. i went through it all with my mom. I took the time off from work, so i could be there with her, and do everything i could for her, it's our right as children. I wouldnt say wuit your job, but if they cant understand as human beings, that you need this time, then f them. Be there for your mom, i lost my mom, and i made sure that i was gonna do everything i could for her. Its the changing of the tides, it's our right. i hope i dont upset you, i just know how i would feel if i wasnt there. jobs come and go...

if you can afford to do so, i would go for it then. you must follow your heart and if you feel you need to take care of your mom that is where you should be. i took 14 days off without pay when the grandson was in the pic unit, because i felt my place was next to my daughter. i had very understanding bosses who let me do that. i will keep you in my prayers. hugs jan

My mom died 11 months ago from Lung Cancer. I did quit my job of 10 years to help my dad and sister care for her and I can tell you I have never regreted it for a moment! We spent some very valuable time together! Please, spend as much time as you can with her!!! My heart aches for any of you going through this! I miss my mom terribly and still cry daily over how she suffered! Please visit my mom's website at www.charlotte-luce.memory-of.com