Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group
This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.
I have been with my partner for almost a year now. We met senior year of our undergrad and originally both were going to end up in the same place, but my best pick for grad school ended up being back in my home state, hundreds of miles away. We are doing long distance and all I feel is the weight of how long the distance will last. It is also hard to see my friends from my undergrad all living in the same state we went to undergrad in-just in the big city there while I am back at home. I did choose to return home, but only because it was the most realistically affordable program I could pick. I went to school out of state because my undergrad gave me a great scholarship and I hoped to stay, but the best program and most affordable ended up being back at home. Grad school is just very expensive but definitely needed for my career. So I feel like I am missing out on not only my relationship, but my friendships. I had to take a break from social media because everything is so skewed towards people moving to this city.
My partner says that he really wants to do long distance and that he loves me, but he isn't great at communicating even though I have voiced how important it is. I told him that I wanted to always have our trips planned in advance and he has not helped me do that. We don't have a milestone set up except for maybe ending up in the same city. We don't talk much about the future of our relationship. He is just carrying this very "we'll see" type of attitude that concerns me. As well, I am the only one that brings up concerns with our relationship. He seems to keep them inside. I just feel that my anxiety level has increased trying to be hopeful that this relationship is going to work, but feeling like I am the one actually putting in the work for it. When we did live in the same place, we were able to be much closer and open with each other. Now, as I spend more time away from him, I feel myself being more emotionally withdrawn. I can feel myself pulling away in order to protect my feelings in case things go south.
I came here to open up about it because none of my friends are in serious relationships or have gone through this before. I don't really have a person to go to right now to speak about this. Does anyone have advice?
I will say though, if you’re feeling withdrawn, and worried about your relationship, I think you’re right by expressing your concerns. If your partner isn’t responding to your worries, it might be a warning sign that he isn’t fully committed to the LDR.
I think a serious convo with them is much needed.
My partner and I have “rules” that we follow.
Things like:
-text at all times, any feelings, any updates, even if the other is busy or asleep.
-FaceTime every Saturday and Sunday.
-if free, give a call, maybe the other person is free too.
-pictures!! And video messages!! They’re fun and cute to send+receive
-no ignoring, even if fighting.
-etc etc etc
I think rules place the both of you on the same page.
This was a long response. But I hope it helped a little.