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Wedding

parrothead1
parrothead1

i don't sleep much my mind is all over the place . I worry and stress about everything. I have been invited to a wedding on the 16 th. There will be 200 people there. A lot will be there from my church. I have not been at church in 5 months. This will be my first time in a social situation with more then 5 people.  I am already starting to worry and stress about it. When I think about it I just want to crawl back in bed and stay there. A safe place for me. I know I can't do that cause the bride is my good friends daughter. The bride is like family to me. She spoke at my husbands funeral. I say I don't want to be lonely but yet if I stay home and hid I am misserable. As hard as it is I know I have to go and put myself out there. I have started to see a therapist and she is helping me to work through this and help me to be able to handle social situations. Don't want to be a prisoner in my home and never go out. The worst thing when a spouse dies is doing things alone. I have not gone every much alone. I want my life back and don't want to be lonely anymore. 

Tired
Tired
Glad you have a therapist that is helping you. You can pay yourself on
the back for going. Then have a cup of tea and cookies. Listen to
music when you get home.
KelleyPaterson
KelleyPaterson
Occasionally when I know I'm going to be dealing with a stressful situation I go to my doctors and get a small prescription for Ativan. It takes the edge off of my nerves. And because I only do this on a rare occasion I don't worry about addiction. You would want to try it before going out of course. And medication isn't for everyone. I just thought I would mention it.
bridgie101
bridgie101
You used to get a year off from social situations. You could wear black for your husband for a year and not go to social events and this is because it was understood what grief puts you through. Anxiety, depression, hysteria, going over the top and under the bottom. Laughing too loud, crying too hard. Panic. Agoraphobia.

Instability.

A person was allowed to stay home for it.

and then another year or so in violet or mauve with an arm band on. 'tread carefully, I'm fragile.'

Be kind to yourself. You don't have to go to weddings if you're not ready. I can't think of anything harder to survive than a joyous wedding when you are grieving a loved spouse. There is only so much a human should have to endure.
jewells1
jewells1
I'm with Bridgie on this one. I was incorporated into a wedding by my sister for her son. Following my husbands death there was a lot to do to get me medical and financial help. He was the young healthy one and though we had plans for my passing, we had none for his. I needed the money for bills, medical...She thought it would help and I was engulfed too weak yet to say no. I sew and do photography, so she paid me to make the wedding dress and do photography. I wasn't ready for any of it and it sank me even deeper in grief.

You have time to do a lunch with the Friend and her daughter. If not before maybe after. But in a better way for you. They both should understand that this is a really hard time for you.
I remember even being mad at seeing couples, and it really hurt.
I hurt that our time was over....the life of plans and dreams, ya know?

Send a polite thank you note for the invite to the wedding of decline and maybe offer a more personal lunch or brunch. For some you need to be explicit if they push. So if they think you need this, let them know that you wish them the love of a lifetime you had. You wouldn't want to take attention away from the couple on their day.
If you can maybe offer something personal as a "borrowed" item for the bride to carry?
But don't make yourself do this unless you feel strongly for the daughter.

This song came out after I needed it, but this might help you explain it. I have shared it before.
Gentle hugs,
J.
your friend should understand.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ullv_XN2d8M
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