Loneliness Support Group

Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...

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Want clarification.

CreativelyAppealing81
CreativelyAppealing81

Lonely and ready for a relationship, yet still have ties to previous guy, who is in recovery. He wants me to wait for him. In love with him, but it is like so painful for me to me, to the point where I constantly feel stressed, overwhelmed, needing attention. We have discussed things. He obvious right now isn't ready to continue to pursue things further, but who knows about the future. Idk, I am ready now, to be with someone. I don't think it very fair that he expects me to wait, when I deserve to be with me who can love me, unlike him right now, still I am loyal, because I love him and I dont want to break his heart. But, its really not my problem, if he uses. I have to do what is best for me. So I am wondering, if I should date and is it possible to do this while at least for right now while supporting him. I mean just think I should have an open heart and mind despite the situation, but still talk and converse with him. Anybody know what to do?


billwfriend
billwfriend
as I have pointed out before Alanon family groups is a great resource....we are just people who have issues of our own and did not feel it our place to tell you what to do....if your so not willing to use the correct resources you will probably end up hurt....Alanon family resources are there because those people had same situation you are facing in their lives.....why not give them the call?
urbangardener
urbangardener
This is your answer: Print it out or write it out and read it over and over:

This relationship "is like so painful for me to me, to the point where I constantly feel stressed, overwhelmed, needing attention",

If you stay around and keep in contact with this guy hoping he is going to change, then you negate what you really feel.

When we deny to ourselves how we feel, we end up "stressed, overwhelmed and needing attention." This is GREAT insight, CA81.

So yes you should move forward and date or go on group activities and create a good life for yourself. Notice I didn't say move on, I said move forward. Give yourself permission to feel how you feel and do the right thing by you.

Stop trying to do what he wants. This is typical of codependence, doing what others want even when we want to say no or don't want to. You are valuable and should do what is right for your own life. Maybe consider reading The New Codependence by Melody Beatty or her older version Codependent No More. There are also CODA groups that I think could be very helpful to you with Al Anon.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
That's totally up to you....If it were me and I loved him, I would wait. If I didn't love him, then I would go find someone else, or just stay by myself for awhile. I never get lonely because I have too many things to keep my mind occupied.

Whatever you choose to do, good luck to you and your friend. I wish him luck in his recovery.

God Bless
CreativelyAppealing81
CreativelyAppealing81
I sent him a text yesterday basically saying I am done and don't want to date him anymore. The relationship is not healthy, I am realizing, so therefore I must let him go. He needs to do this journey by himself.
urbangardener
urbangardener
What great insight, CA81! You really do have a lot of inner wisdom if you'll just listen to your own mind and heart. You know what you need to do for yourself and I applaud you for deciding that you have to take care of yourself first and foremost. Big hugs to you.
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