id give you a chance we could of hangedout talk get to know each other theres other guys that would like to meet you if i do im sure theres more guys out there

Hi, I'm new to this site!

DI, I know the feeling. I'll be 30 soon, but I've never been in a relationship. There are days that I wonder if I'm doomed, as you put it, to a loveless existence. My best friend stopped talking to me almost a year ago. She even denied that our friendship was over in our last conversation. I'm baffled and angry. None of that helps me feel loved, in any sense of the word.

I can't give you a pat on the back and say, "It'll be ok," partially because it may not be. The other part is that, if I could do that for anyone, I'd do it for myself. It feels like it would be a massive lie, though - I've got nearly 30 years of experience to say it definitely *won't* be ok, after all.

I guess my hope in posting here is that you might see that someone else feels the same. If we are doomed, we can at least be doomed together, right?

Although, with people like billy around, we'll only be doomed temporarily. ;-)

I'm here for (((you.)))

- Stars

I think there are a lot more people out there that feel like you do. I feel the same. I gave 2 years of dating and 30 years of marriage to a man that never wanted me or cared about me (he is borderline personality disordered). I spent most of that time trying to change myself, raising 2 children, taking care of everything (errands, chores, working, handyman house maintenance stuff, car maintenance stuff, yardwork) while my husband flirted with women, bought toys, played video games, etc. He wouldn't let me leave the marriage by threatening me and no one else would help me, so I was trapped. Now that my children are grown he is no longer interested in his cat and mouse game with me and has given me a deadline of 6 months to find a job so he can divorce me. He told me he wants to buy a corvette and party and have women. I am scrambling to do that, but there are those times when things are at a lull that you keenly feel the lonliness. All I ever wanted was a quiet, simple life with a good man. Someone to share my life and interests with. Someone to be my best friend, who knows me better than anyone else. Someone you can share things with you don't trust to share with anyone else and who won't betray your confidences and will hve your back. I gave everything to this man and now I am 48 and having to start my life all over again. I have aged well and am in good shape, but like you, I feel like an old maid that no one is interstd in. Men seem to want arm candy instead of someone who is pretty on the inside as well as outside. I am still separated so I am not really able to have another relationship and I feel like by the time I can, no one will want me. Men sometimes check me out, but you can tell it's not for my inner beauty. I can understand being initially attracted to someone and then seeking to get to know them on the inside, but when I notice someone is checking me out and tentatively smile I get a "nope" look as they quickly turn away. Just know, you are not unloveable. There is someone for everyone. Don't give up. Have you tried meetup.com? You can find people in your area that share your interests and that is always a good starting point.

The most important love of all is of self, I suggest you start loving yourself then and, this is what will happen, your lead WILL be followed. Nice guys find nice gals attractive, nice guys find unnice gals unattractive, right now which type of gal are you? A question only answerable to self. We guys like facades, we love what we find in store, so darling tidy up your store, yep, right now, what better time to start than now yes?

Yeah but what is self love, how do you do that when yiu feel ur unworthy of everything good.

Self love is something difficult to find at first. I have created a project for myself that not only worked for me but everyone I shared it with.

I had a journal that I wrote in every night.
1) 5 compliments about myself (cant write the same thing twice)
2) How did I positively impact the world today?
3) What can I do to be a better person?
4) Did you make atleast 3 people smile today by helping them or complimenting them?

I did that religiously for about 3 months and noticed a huge difference in my mental wellbeing.

I will tell you dating is hard.. I was with my fiancé for 4 1/2 years when I called it quits.ive gone on couple dates but most of the guys are all the same..I decided to work on myself I'm no longer going after low lives(guys who live off their parents & have no interest in growing up)..I used to just date guys just so I wouldn't be alone but one thing I've learned is do not settle.. ive been single a little over a year and I want a boyfriend but I want one who will respect me, love me for me...the one book that helped me was women who love too much I still go back to it from time to time

Hey,
My aunt (who was never going to have children either) met her husband when she was 36, married him age 37, and their son was born when she was 38..... Your perfect partner could be just around the corner....
However it's up to us to make sure that we're in the right place to accept their love and partnership.... I've been single for 6 years now. I'd have hated to go out with me a couple of years ago, but now, I'm not so bad - and guys have started asking for dates!

I'm still too chicken to risk actually going on a date,(and i'm only 26, so have plenty of time!) But guys (and the right sort of guy) have started showing an interest in me again, after I started showing an interest in me again.

Also, I saw a ted x presentation on living the 'single life' which highlighted that we don't actually all necessarily need or want to be in one monogamous relationship for our whole lives, however society tells us that we can't live a single life, taking physical comfort from friends, and a variety of intermittent or one off sexual partners. .... It was an interesting presentation.

@Stars: I love this - If we are doomed, we can at least be doomed together, right?

Im 29 and a virgin. Male. Had 1 girlfriend. A handfull of short term friends throughout life, school and work. I counted seven. Get along pretty well with my older brother and sis and dad in conversation but not without that something amiss. Its not that I have the plague, im just really damn weird and inept and have 1 or 2 mental issues as well as being abit of a loser. So at 29 Ive gotten over the crying to god for love and companionship. Many people will never experience a fundamental aspect of human life in any possible category and love and companionship outside of your pet dog or cat is one such aspect that very many people live without for a great number of reasons and again for a great many ppl. And those that do find companionship often have a truly terrible time. And those that manage the trials and tribulations do with a fair amount of compromise. You see, life is hard. Really hard. But all the best games are. To take the hard realities of life in a stride is graceful and rewarding thing in itself.

Or just sign up to a matchmaking website. Yeh that works too.

What is self-love? Self-love is respect of self and, it is almost exclusively brought about by being nonjudgmental of self. STOP bad mouthing yourself, STOP putting yourself down and, STOP negatively tagging yourself.

Treat yourself the way you say you want others to treat you, because when you do the tide will turn. How do I make (that's not my job btw) you happy if all you show me of yourself is sadness? Your happiness is YOUR responsibility (as mine is solely mine), my job is to complement/enhance/validate it, not provide you with it.

I try to think of all my friends, in their 30s, who are sitting at home alone with 3-5 kids while their unfaithful husbands stroll bars and hotel check-in lounges. Don't be so hard on yourself; if anything, you have expectations that men of your past have been incapable of meeting. Hugs

I recently ended a 4 year long relationship, that was really unhealthy in the end - he left, he came back, I made an effort, he left...
I'm quite lonely atm, too though, because I felt dependent on him for almost all the time. Having to learn to do things on your own or by yourself is a challenge...
What I'm trying to say is: Being alone is hard for everyone, BUT judging from all those replies you already got, you're not alone at all! We may not be with you in person, but know that you found a place of understanding and companionship!