Loneliness Support Group

Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...

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Two is the Lonliest Number

MyFragileHeart
MyFragileHeart
Not One. If you are literally alone you have yourself and a sort of freedom. If you are in a realtionship and married, but still lonely I think that is 100 times worse. My situation doesn't rwally help either, we are living in different state than the rest of our family. I work from home, and my husband is not a social person. He is also very controlling, in a passive agressive way. He needs his space and is more of a hermit. I am a home body but I also want to have friends, go to picnics and BBQ's. Have people over and enjoy life. I love my kids and spend most of my time with them.
So am I lonely? For a adult interaction, yes? I guess this is a rant of sorts. How do you deal with that? I need to find a compromise, a way to socialize and also keep him happy.
Thoughts, suggestions, similar situations?
lucillegem
lucillegem
thats tough :/ have you considered perhaps couples counseling/ therapy? i wonder if that could help, because sorry to say but it sounds like your husband is being selfish and isnt considering what you want :$ but i dont really know him, i cannot tell how he is, but it just sounds like you are sacrificing a lot for others people. We need to find a balance between our self and others.. i know easier said than done.
perhaps consider it? and find a professional who could help? :)
thats the best i can say, i really am sorry to hear you are sutrggling. Hope you find happiness soon xo
PinterestFan
PinterestFan
I was never more lonely than when I was married.

You want and need to be more social and he should defintely consider your needs and wishes. You're concerned that he gets the space and alone time he needs. He needs to be made aware of your needs, and not ignore them, even if it's not doing exactly what he wants every second.

The more a spouse/partner allows the other one to become selfish, the worse the problem gets -- maybe not in your case, but it happens.
china70
china70
Sounds a lot like my marriage was. I hope things can work out for you two. I'm now separated and jus don't feel my ex will ever change. he could be a selfish person.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Let him have his space and be hermity. Why does that mean you can't go out and be social? From the sounds of things, it's not like you'll be out at wild parties every night. You should be able to go to picnics and make friends while he stays at him and has his alone time. That sounds like a decent compromise. Have you tried suggesting it to him?
koolman
koolman
I don't think you can socialize AND also keep him happy. Do what makes YOU happy. Being married, you're still two individuals, with individual wants and needs. Your happiness is your concern, and his happiness is his concern. If he loves you, as well as himself, he'll let you do what makes you happy, and he can be a hermit, if that is what makes him happy.
BundlesofJoy
BundlesofJoy
My b/f is anti social also and a bit of a hermit also. That poses a huge problem for both he & I as I crave adult companionship & love an occasional social where I can mingle with ppl who share similar interests with me.

Anti-social ppl & hermits are happy this way. My b/f sucks in a crowd, he is usually quiet & if he doesn't want to be there, it eventually shows & eventually he becomes an embarrassment.

My former boss told me that in a relationship/marriage to always have a life of your own.

Koolman is right, his happiness is his concern and your happiness is your concern. In a nutshell, we are responsible for our own happiness.
gramybear
gramybear
Yes, you are definitely needing adult conversation and time with people your own age. I had a husband that worked about 12-14 hours a day so I spent a lot of time alone. Passive/Aggressive people are very hard to deal with. Can you possibly go volunteer somewhere that would make you happy? It also sounds like you guys need some family counseling so he can better understand your needs and desires in this marriage too. I hope you can do that together. Hugs GB
P00hbear
P00hbear
I agree with most of the posters - I am happily married, but we definitely socialize differently, he is less social than I, but willing to be social when the situation calls for it. We do a fair amount of socializing together and entertaining, but I do spend a lot of time doing things with girlfriends or others that do not include him - he is fine with that, and enjoys his alone time when I am out and about. It's healthy and there is no reason you cannot have your adult time, too - unless he is being possessive or controlling and not allowing it, which is a different situation...
gramybear
gramybear
I agree with PintinterestFan completely. I too was so lonely when I was married. He worked 12-14 hours and as embarrassing as this is to say, including the wedding night, we did not have sex for the last 6 years of our marriage. Did I let it get to me so bad that I thought it had to be me? Absolutely not, I knew it was his problem. Period. Don't ever forget that you need to come first in order to help others and if those people can't understand that, then you deserve better. Hugs GB
deleted_user
deleted_user
Seriously ask yourself if you are compatible. You don't want this to be a life sentence.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If he is controlling, its a very, very bad thing. Don't throw your life away, you are so young and deserve so much better than this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
There is no compromising with selfish, immature, controlling people.
They don't know what the meaning of the word is. They don't do compromise; its all about them.
bips
bips
I can relate to what you are saying.
Twosome loneliness is very toxic.
It probably happens when there are no channels of communication open, when one cannot reach to the other. Closed doors.
He is a good guy, as anyone will vouch. But we cannot communicate.

LOL, what tragedies are enacted out that cut us to pieces everyday, but apparently from the outside, everything is hunky dory.
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